I 24(m) have grown up with both of my parents in the same household for most my life. My parents are somewhat young I would say. My mother was 20 and my dad was 19 when they had me. I would say I had a fairly normal life, besides cancer from sophomore to the summer after my senior year. Although early on in my middle school years my parents dealt with a period of alcoholism and drunken verbal fights when my dad would come home late at night. Throughout this, however, I never grew to resent my dad or anything. He cleaned up his act and so did my mother. They would still get into some heated arguments but more like a couple times a year rather than every weekend. My parents both love me very much and besides having to witness a few of those fights they never directly turned anything towards me.

For as long as I can remember, my dad has had a fairly gloomy outlook on the world. He would always tell me that you have to constantly be on guard, and that people are inherently selfish and will try to find ways to screw you over in the end if there is money to make or something that benefits them personally. I do understand there are many aspects of life where people are acting in this way. My dad believes that most things and people are bad and you should only have a few people in your circle you can trust that won’t backstab you (even then it’s no guarantee). Also that marriage is a giant risk and you will most likely get fucked over in court in the end.

Today, when I went to my parents house to talk to my younger brothers and congratulate my youngest brother on a sports accomplishment. Then I started talking with my dad. Generally, we can get along fairly well with eachother and we can talk for awhile. Today he tried to show me a video he found on Facebook about some weird conspiracy theory that I quickly looked up afterwards and showed him how it was mostly BS, and the truth was just stretched to try to paint a much crazier picture than what it really was. He said yeah that’s probably right, that’s why I don’t trust anything or anyone really.

This caused an argument because this has always really bothered me, his mentality and outlook on people and life. I said well thats also and issue, and it’s not good to be cynical about the world on everything. He says that’s the “only way to not get fucked over in life”, and said look up any successful and wealthy person and they will say the same. I said that’s not true (admittedly getting a bit more emotional and louder), there are plenty of people in the world who don’t have the same mentality as him. He admits yes, there are some good people but made it seem like you might meet maybe 5 or so of them during your life.

From there I said “that’s a terrible way to view the world and view people”. And that “maybe the reason you have issues with some of your friendships is because of this black and white view”. At this point, both of our voices are noticeably elevated. I said that not everyone thinks the way you do, and that he was just blind to it because he’s so trapped in this mentality and in his own head like a prison. I said I want to believe in people and that there are selfless people out there but he was having none of it and I stormed off and drove back to my own house.

My question is, does anyone have a similar experience or atleast some guidance on how to approach these interactions? I am an extremely introspective person that constantly challenges my own ideas and thinking, so I can’t help to wonder maybe he’s right sometimes. At the same time, I am unsure if he is depressed or just jaded at life. He does not talk about feelings, he has never showed much emotion at all, but again he raised and provided me with anything I wanted while being a blue collar laborer so I know he has sacrificed a lot for his family.

TLDR: my dad has an extremely negative worldview, where he believes everyone is trying to one up or screw over everyone else. I don’t think I believe this, but the reinforcement of this idea throughout my life has made it difficult for me to ignore it altogether.

1 comment
  1. What’s it to you? Do you think if your dad were to say “you’re right, maybe there are some good people out there,” you would be satisfied? Which of his behaviors do you think are harming his ability to live a full, contented, self-actualized life?

    It is true that some people will fuck you over when given the chance. It is true that not everyone will do that.

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