Tl/dr : i asked to be exclusive and he said yes but doesnt want anything serious until march 2024 (4 months from now)
We’ve been seeing each other for 6 months and having sex for 3 months. I thought we really hit it off, so yesterday I asked to be exclusive. He said yes. But then said he doesn’t want to get into anything serious until March 2024 (he wants 1 year between the break up of his last relationship). I cut him off before he could tell me he slept with someone while sleeping with me…. anyways, here is my text below. Its super long. I need help editting it without sounding heavy and clingy .
“I need to pull back a little. I don’t like the timelines, although, I respect your boundaries. “Taking it slow” and saying waiting till x date are 2 different things; one develops or falls apart naturally while the other just gives hope and uncertainty of intentions. I don’t want to be in a situation where months and months have passed and I’m emotionally involved with an emotionally unavailable person. I’ve been there. It’s not a good place to be. I want to keep things light and take it slow, as well. I’m not in the position to dive into a full relationship at this point either, but I am open to it if it happens.
I asked for exclusivity because I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing there are other girls that were just “here” the other day, which is why I cut you off of whatever you were about to say – I don’t need to know. Nevermind STDs, this is from a standards standpoint and how it makes me feel about myself as a person. That’s all I was getting at when I brought it up, as awkward as that was, I’m glad I did bring it up.
I’m not sure if you agreeing to exclusivity was a genuine answer or a pressured response because I was directly asking you for it. I wouldn’t want you to make a decision based on what I want. If you don’t want to be exclusive and have fun until March, then I respect that. I don’t want resentment to happen from either sides. But I’d like a heads up.”
3 comments
Based on the information I now know, we are in different phases of life. For this reason I do not think we should be exclusive and I think it is best we no longer see each other. I wish you all the best.
Don’t be surprised if March comes around and you don’t get an exclusive relationship. If he’s not ready for a relationship, that’s fine, but setting an arbitrary deadline means nothing, so I expect there is some other motivation at work here.
I thought parts were good and parts were rambly, but my much bigger question is why you’d text something like this to begin with.
His answer about waiting until March comes across very weird, but imo that makes it even more important to hash this out. That means face to face and asking the tough questions.
Nobody looks forward to this stuff, but it’s how couples learn to communicate.