Buckle up: it’s kind of long.
I started a situationship with a guy, we’ll call him K, back in April. I had met and hung out regularly with a lot of his friends, mostly males. I even got so close with everyone that K’s friends would invite me over to hang out with them without K. Late this fall, the situationship with K became very very messy complete with him blocking and unblocking me multiple times and coming back, apologizing, and doing it all over again claiming that he just “didn’t like me anymore” even though he came back every time. One night, K got so mad at me that he got physical. K’s friends all knew about the mess, and told me how much of a POS K actually is even though they’re friends and how I deserve so much better. They were there for me the night after the biggest fight.
One of K’s very best friends and I, we’ll call him Z, have had a few drunk/high nights hanging out at and after the bars talking about life, and I confided in him a lot about my sadness with K. A few weeks ago, Z invited me to come hang out with him after the bars on a night that K and I got into another fight. Z and I smoked in his car and got food. Things got deep, and he admitted his attraction to me and his real feelings for me and how much he loves hanging out and having conversations with me. I feel the same, but did not admit anything because I know he’s taken, and I’m dealing with everything involving K. The thing is, Z has had a girlfriend for 3 years and plans on marrying her, even though they’re long distance right now (He’s at college in America and she’s back in his home country in Europe). I’ve even met her a couple of times when she has visited him.
This past weekend, K and I got into a huge fight and I was left a complete mess sobbing at the bar. He was treating me like absolute garbage and said he wanted to get a restraining order against me if I didn’t leave the bar because he couldn’t stand to be in the same place as me (there’s only 3 bars in our small college town). The bartenders basically laughed in K’s face saying I did nothing wrong. Z happened to come into the bar around the time I started crying and saw me and told me to just stop crying. He told me he cared about me but cannot keep seeing me go through this with K. The bar closed and Z and I were outside talking about the situation, and K even saw us talking at the bar. K started to leave with some other friends, and Z chased after K and they went on their ways. Once I got home, I texted Z to apologize for crying to him about K and that I didn’t want to put him in the middle of anything. He told me I was fine, and then invited me to come over. I ended up going to his place and we were smoking in his car. I was not in a great mental state to be high, and ended up just sobbing about how I don’t feel happy anymore. For some more context, I recently lost my job and feel very stuck in my life right now. Z asked what made me happy, and I started talking about how sunsets made me so happy in the past but it’s hard to find joy in them anymore. Z looked at me and said “I want to be the person that makes you find joy in them again” as he pulled out his phone and started playing compilations of sunsets on YouTube for us to watch. It felt so serene as we were completely faded, and I cried at the beauty. We were still in his car at this point, and out of nowhere he reached over and grabbed my hand. It felt way more than a friend in that moment, and I was scared that if I looked at him he would kiss me. As time passed by, he started rubbing my thumb, then let go of my hand and started rubbing my leg closer to my inner thigh. All of the sudden, he stopped and said he had to go to bed. We haven’t talked since, and I don’t know what to do. I know he has a girlfriend, she’s so great and they seem so happy together. I don’t know what to do because I’m the moment in Z’s car, I didn’t tell him to stop the moment he grabbed my hand because I didn’t want him to. I’m at a loss. do I reach out to Z to talk about what happened, or leave it?