So me (25M) and my gf (24F) have been exclusively dating for 7 month now. My gf is bisexual. Recently we have been discussing that she typically likes girls more, but chose to be with me because she likes me as a person. However, I can really tell that she misses the things that a man cant provide (we watched another lady striptease and big boobs pornography together).
There is also an ex-gf of her that she was dating before me (non-exclusively). Dating her didn’t worked out for my gf because the girl is poly and my gf is monogamous. That person is a part of a big friend group and they occasionally meet up during group trips. They seem to be rather close but she claims that the feelings for her are purely platonic and not anywhere near compared to feelings for me.
I know she is telling the truth but still it does make me uneasy. While I don’t feel jealous about her to any guy whatsoever, I do feel jealous when girls are around her because they have something I cant give. How do you navigate that? I obviously don’t want her to dump her girls because of my insecurities nor I want to control her, but I do feel uncomfortable with her talking this close to her ex.
Are there any bisexuals or lesbians to help me understand how should I approach this? Thanks!
25 comments
The way that i have navigated it in the past is that they like guys, they prefer girls and yet despite that preference she chose me. At the end of the day she chose who she wants to be with not what she wants to be with and in a meaningful relationship that is so much more important.
To be honest I think your problems arise from the fact that she has openly expressed she likes girls more, something I think is a terrible thing to do. Of course you are going to feel inadequate when she has clearly stated there are people she likes more, especially when this is coupled with a feeling of missing out, which from what you say I am guessing she also exhibits. Also in this particular context maintaining contact with the ex is also a no no in my opinion.
I am bi and I also have a stronger physical attraction towards women, but in a serious relationship physical attraction is not everything and for me it’s not even at the top of the list. So supposing I was committed to a male partner, there is no way I would ever say to him I find women more attractive, it’s a sure way to make him feel insecure and after all, if I wanted to have fun with women, no one forced me into a relationship with a man. The only exception to this would be if we both agreed we wanted to open up things, but this requires a whole new level of trust and communication and it also doesn’t apply to your situation.
I had a similar issue. What got me through is the thought that my gf could have been with anyone, male or female. And women are REALLY hot. Despite that, she chose you over all the men AND women. You are special, an exception to her rule
So you’re not jealous of her attraction to other men too? Whatever you do to not be jealous of that do it for women as well I guess
I navigated it by breaking up.
Not a helpful answer, I know. But, my first ever relationship was with a bisexual partner. They didn’t tell me they were bisexual. I found out when I caught them cheating on me.
I never really had an opportunity to navigate jealousy, because cheating is an instant deal breaker.
I kinda get how you feel. I’m bi myself and I do get tired of everyone thinking that bi people will get with anyone and everyone. I have a preference for males only because of dick though. If it wasn’t for that physical feature I’d be into women more. Anyways, she chose you didn’t she? You don’t have to be jealous. She’s with you for a reason! She likes you as a person you said. So isn’t that amazing she has a preference for women, but still chose you instead?
From my experience dating a bisexual woman who was close friends with her exes, you shouldn’t be too worried about seeming “insecure.” You honestly tell her how you feel, that it makes you feel uncomfortable despite your attempts to understand her and respect her autonomy. How she responds to that is up to her, but it should give you a clear answer on how much she truly values you. How well do you know her relationship with this ex and the friend group? Has she been transparent about it from the start, or only after you expressed concern?
Other men have things you can’t provide too. And you have things other men and women can’t provide (which is why she’s currently with you). So in the end it’s not about guys or girls it’s your trust, real trust, in your relationship, in her feelings about you, and (i think more important than anything) your thoughts on yourself.
You learn how to find the fun in it. Turn that jealousy into something exciting.
How do you feel about her saying she usually goes for women but she chose you? Do you feel like she sees woman traits in you or something? Does that bother u at all?
If she’s the type to cheat, she’d do it with a guy too. Just trust what she says about you
Being bi isnt inherently a bad thing and doesn’t mean you go for any fish in the sea. If you’re bi, monogamous and have a relationship then thats your person. No reason to be jealous about other women; like, if she had male friends, would you be jealous of them too? In that case, it sounds like insecurity & the basis for trust issues.
It must feel terrible knowing you will never fulfill her.
Have boundaries and stand by them.
Tell her that you’re fine with her having Female friends but not okay with her hanging around Exes.
Having dated a Bi Girl, I can tell you it’s difficult and honestly for me, not worth it.
Have you *seen* women? Really can’t blame gf here
My girlfriend told me very earlier on that her attraction to men is very very small. Or at least she doesn’t like a lot of the guys around our area. She thought at a point that she might actually be a lesbian. Of course hearing this as a guy isn’t the most reassuring thing but the most I can say is just trust her. She wouldn’t torture herself in this relationship. She likes you and chose you.
I’m bi myself so I kind of understand it at least from my perspective. Gender is just another preference you have in a partner. But it is incredibly easy to push that preference to the side if everything else about them is stellar.
She either is monogamous / faithful or she is not. Who the competition is is not relevant.
Attraction and action are two different things, so if she’s faithful she will be faithful being either bi or straight, and the same if she’s a cheater.
So you navigate this the same way you would with a straight person: you know for a fact that any partner will always be attracted to other people, and either you trust them not to act on it or you don’t.
This is a little how it reads as a bi person:
”
So me (25 brunette) and my gf (24 blonde) have been exclusively dating for 7 month now. My gf likes people with any hair color. Recently we have been discussing that she typically likes blondes more, but chose to be with me because she likes me as a person. However, I can really tell that she misses the things that a brunette cant provide (we watched another blonde striptease and big boobs pornography together).
There is also an ex-partner (blonde) of hers that she was dating before me (non-exclusively). Dating her didn’t worked out for my gf because the girl is poly and my gf is monogamous. That person is a part of a big friend group and they occasionally meet up during group trips. They seem to be rather close but she claims that the feelings for her are purely platonic and not anywhere near compared to feelings for me.
I know she is telling the truth but still it does make me uneasy. While I don’t feel jealous about her to any brunette whatsoever, I do feel jealous when blondes are around her because they have something I cant give. How do you navigate that? I obviously don’t want her to dump her blonde friends because of my insecurities nor I want to control her, but I do feel uncomfortable with her talking this close to her ex.
”
Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’ll cheat. You walk past hot women all the time without cheating on her. You need to trust your partner to do the same.
So, being bisexual doesn’t give you any more a right to cheat than anybody else. If she’s snuggling up to an ex, that isn’t ok if you’re exclusive.
Unfortunately, you can never satisfy her. The future is not bright. Come to grips and move on.
Bisexual women are hot, if she likes girls talk her into a threesome.
You should ask this on a queer sub. Most of these replies are… not helpful, imo. Maybe even try r/actuallesbians to get some thoughts on this from the opposite side. If you phrase it as you did here, that you aren’t trying to be controlling and that you know bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat, they should be very welcoming. 🙂
I had this with my ex fiancée, was fine once I understood she chose to be with me
Because she needs things from a relationship most women wouldn’t be able to give her. It makes bi people so mad but I’ve known enough that they prefer dating and marrying men but will have sex with women. Obviously there are exceptions but that seems to be the rule.