Fiancé refuses to wear condoms

46 comments

1. >Would rather not have sex at all.

   >He huffed and said we may as well not have sex then because he can’t feel anything with a condom.

   Cool, sounds like the best solution is to not have sex. You’re not being unreasonable at all, he’s the one who has decided sex with a condom isn’t worth having.

2. Your partner isn’t willing to do the most basic thing to ensure that you two are not burdened with a child you can’t afford. Unwillingness to compromise on this very basic and normal thing seems like a big problem, and I would be questioning if this is the person I want to commit to for life.

3. Your stance is perfectly reasonable.

   Your fiancé just cares more about how his penis feels than your health and well-being.

   Do not trust his pullout game.

   So that leaves just the no sex option. I can’t imagine he’s super attractive to you at this moment anyway.

   If you know no sex isn’t going to work, perhaps a copper iud is your only way to protect yourself.

4. You need insight as to why someone chooses to be unhealthy & inconsiderate? It’s their life. The future may not be kind to those who attach themselves [Fiancé] to such people.

5. >He huffed and said we may as well not have sex then because he can’t feel anything with a condom. He also said that there won’t be any accidents because he can control when/if he cums so it’s not an issue.

   What a truly embarrassing thing to say. He sounds like a 15 year old trying to pressure you into unprotected sex after prom or something.

   Both angles are bullshit. He could try different condoms and find one he likes. And no, he can’t control his orgasms and even if he could that isn’t the only way you’d get pregnant with unprotected sex to begin with. That he presented it in such a foot stomping fashion is also a pretty big worry.

   It is indeed a sign of bigger issues, of how far he’s willing to go to avoid any effort or inconvenience on his part that he’d lie or delude himself about such silly things or just avoid sex outright. That he is choosing abstaining, or the threat of it anyway, over reflecting on the reality that a child would be a huge impact in your life right now. And you have to reflect on whether a person that selfish is really on the same page as you when it comes to planning out your future in a practical way.

6. He’s 29 and has 3 children? Dude couldn’t pull out of a fucking parking space.

   No sex for him!

7. If he “can’t feel anything” (which is almost certainly a lie, anyway), I’d suggest he stop jacking off with a death grip to give himself a chance to regain some sensitivity.

   But honestly, he already came up with the best solution. Stop having sex with him, because he’s a hopelessly selfish idiot.

8. Well, clearly, he needs to be educated in sex ed because he may ‘control’ when he finishes, but his little soldiers can and do escape without him finishing so 🤷‍♀️

9. Do not give in here. You do not need an oopsie. Do you seriously want to be stuck with such a selfish brat-man?

10. I bet his next tactic will be to threaten to “get it elsewhere” when you agree that no sex is better than unprotected sex.

11. Tell him no condom no sex

12. Honestly this is a huge red flag. He’s putting some mild preference in enjoyment of sex before your family’s well being. And let’s be honest, can he really “not feel anything?” No. Also, if his penis going into your vagina is the only thing he’s interested in during the sexual act, this doesn’t sound very fulfilling.

    He’s acting like a teenager, not an adult who cares for his family and loved one. I suspect that if you took a hard look at your relationship this isn’t the only issue.

13. I know.some.of this feedback is a lot. But please reconsider this relationship. Otherwise, you will either have a dead bedroom or get pregnant again before y’all are ready. It only takes one miscalculation with your cycle because precum contains sperm. Do you think you can avoid sex until you’re done nursing? Or rather, do you want to avoid sex for that long? Also, why is it only up to you for birth control?

    Do you want to marry a man who can’t step up? He wouldn’t even need to wear condoms forever, I’m assuming? If you were on birth control before the baby, that is. If not, then this is gonna be judgy…. Why is he just your fiancee if the baby was planned? If it wasn’t planned, then why is he bragging about his weak ass pullnout game?

14. You are completely reasonable and in the right here, and I am so sorry you are dealing with this guy.

    Let’s go over things again, in the hope that you send your dense fiance this post. You do not want more children. He does not want a vasectomy. Birth control options (whether pill, shot, implant or IUD) have numerous physical side effects and can interfere with breastfeeding. Even if you weren’t currently breastfeeding, the host of side effects that come with birth control is reason enough to want to go with an option that does not come with those physical effects. Condoms do not have those physical side effects. Literally the only “negative” effect of condoms is that they can decrease sensation for the man. That’s it. A man who is reasonable and mature and perhaps most importantly of all– a man who respects his partner– knows that this is not a good rationale for not using condoms.

15. Stop having sex with this asshole who puts his own fleeting enjoyment over your health. Also he’s a dumbass if he thinks this is a working method of birth control. He should also stop with the death grip when masturbating. I’d throw this loser back, good thing you found out before getting married at least.

16. He’s an ass. Buy a pack of .007 (they’re Japanese) and if he still complains honestly he has no regard for your health and the well-being of his own children. He’s blatantly saying fuck it to bringing kids into this world just to suffer because he cares about his pleasure the most.

17. Girl he’s manipulative and coersing you. In any sense, no part of a man refusing to wear a condom at the expense of you getting pregnant is okay. Two kids before you is a major sign, and I understand you have a kid with him, but you need to stand your ground. There is no, absolutely no excuse, for him to not do so. He wants to trap you further, and fiance or not, he can leave a lot easier than you. And then you’ll have more than one kid to care for on your own. Do the smart thing, either stand your ground and tell him to wear a condom or leave.

18. You sure he isn’t making all those excuses because he wants another kid?

19. INFO: Is your fiancé Nick Cannon?

20. Throw the whole man away.

21. No sex unless he wears a condom it’s the least he could do wtf

22. Your sue to get married he has said he wants more kids. But do you?

23. Your fiance won’t have sex with you unless it’s his way, which leaves you completely unprotected. Sounds like a gem of a guy.

24. Pregnancy can happen without him getting off… doesn’t matter if he holds back or not.

25. I would not marry this dude if he was the best father and had all the money in the world. He is selfish *at best*. He does not care about you *or* your body.

26. Haha that’s a simple one. Condom or no sex. He gets to ‘not worry about accidents’ the day he is the one who gets to do the pregnancy.

    It is a sign of a bigger issue – it shows that he apparently lacks the capacity to think about the future, as well as a decent amount of empathy. He’s thinking with his dick, nothing else.

27. I am a dude and this is a hill for you to die on op. He’s cockblocking himself.

28. He’d rather you get pregnant (regardless if wanted or not one of the most extreme things a human body can go through) and jeopardise your household finances than bother to try different condom brands or suck it up and live with slightly reduced sensation during sex.

    Mind bogglingly selfish and speaks to a general lack of respect for you and your body. I have a feeling this is not the first red flag he’s shown you.

29. Call his bluff on the no sex thing then. He wants to make ridiculous ultimatums to pressure you into unprotected sex then he can have his stupid little prize he won playing his stupid little manipulation game.

    He sounds insufferable and like a selfish bully. Also if he truly believes he can control his orgasms as a valid form of birth control than he seems very uneducated to boot.

    Yikes all over the damn place.

30. Reproductive coercion is what is happening here. I suggest if he doesn’t want to be responsible and he’s acting the way he is acting it is time to get out of that relationship.

31. >He huffed and said we may as well not have sex then

    Looks like you’ve got a solution.

    After a few months he might reconsider the condom option.

32. Men who are so cavalier about birth control immediately become unattractive to me. I don’t know how you put up with it.

33. Highly doubt an unmarried guy with three kids already can control anything.

34. >He huffed and said we may as well not have sex then because he can’t feel anything with a condom.

    This is likely a negotiation/manipulation tactic. I would not take it to heart, but instead put it to the test.

    And no, nobody can reliably control their orgasm. Sometimes ejaculation starts happening before the high point of climax, sometimes the position doesn’t allow toget out quickly and, obviously, sometimes people are lost in the heat of the moment.

    I am surprised this man was able to have three children, yet still behaves and argues like one.

35. So don’t have sex then if he’s not willing to take any responsibility. If he moans about it, tell him to get some condoms

36. Ok so don’t have sex with him, he’ll claim to then need to get it from someone else and you’ll need to divorce him. But he’s a grown man, if this is his mentality now, I would worry about his parenting too.

37. 3 kids is plenty. Why the fuck do people have so many kids? I’m in a blended family with three kids and it’s insane. I grew up in a family of six kids and it was awful. Don’t do that to yourself or your kids. Tell him to snip that shit or you bounce.

38. You are not the one being unreasonable.

    He already has 3 kids. And he doesn’t want to close up shop?

    Don’t have sex with him without condoms.
    And consider just how selfish and stupid he is.

39. Why on earth is he even thinking of possibly bringing another human into this world? You’re “barely staying afloat”. What about the kids future?
    He needs to grow up.
    My husband and I were married 2 yrs, just starting our careers and using that method for a year. we got pregnant! I couldn’t use the pill and didn’t have options 40 yrs ago. Used condoms for 3.5 yrs until we had stability and planned the 2nd. After our 3rd kid, I opted for tying my tubes, but was in a catholic hospital so couldn’t immediately after delivering.
    I told him I wouldn’t schedule the surgery after all I’ve been through.
    My sweet hubby went without telling me until after his vasectomy! The greatest gift he ever gave me!

    Your “man” is truly not in this for your well-being.

40. Try a diaphragm. When properly fitted and used correctly they’re as reliable as condoms for birth control. They don’t protect against STDs, but within a monogamous relationship this is an alternative most people have forgotten about.

41. My ex would say the same thing “I can’t feel anything with a condom” and they wonder why we pull away from them.

42. He’s selfish and an idiot.

43. He’s a terrible person! Jeez!

    I’m so sorry, OP. This behavior is not normal or okay.

44. Your fiance seems very childish..

45. He has issues OP. What you’re asking is correct snd adult. He just doesn’t want to have to do anything and wants his pleasure to be the most important. There are lots of condoms that still provide good sensitivity. Not as good as raw but way better than nothing. The pullout method is extremely ineffective and you will end up pregnant that way.
    Someone else said if you tell him fine then we won’t have sex for a while he will pout, treat you bad and say he will get it somewhere else. If that happens he needs to go from fiancé to ex and see how much he likes paying more child support. If he is old enough to have e 3 kids he needs to act like an adult.

46. How old is your fiancé?

    Do not marry this man. He doesn’t care about your feelings and he has no problem with risking a pregnancy you do not want. If he had a strong pullout game, you wouldn’t have 3 kids total.