What should I do? I’m hurting real bad

What should I do? I’m hurting real bad

So lost right now in loneliness and heartache, turning to a forum seems like the only answer for help right now. Brief recap of what led to these feelings….

About a year ago work was getting harder and harder on my me and my marriage. Tensions at work seemed like things were slowly coming to an end there. My wife wasn’t being very considerate of that, nor my feelings created by it. She had always required the emotional uplifting in the relationship, which after nine years, really began burning me out on my ability to give her that. And I was desperately needing it to start coming back my way to restore how I had once been. So at first it started with trying to have her get the hint, yet after it just wasn’t working that way, I flat out said the truth, pleading for affection in ways that had just not ever been there to me before. At first that seemed to cause the kind of guilt within her to at least start trying…but soon enough that uilt turned into anger, hostility, then resentment. And the stand off began. This inevitably resulted in my attitude towards things plummeting, then it eventually leading to my termination at work. Which, days before being let go, had broke my hand on the job yet didn’t report it to work out of fear. At first it seemed OK, was able to get to finally spend more time with my 4 children, but still had a very passively shrud wife. And before things could ever get rightwith us, disaster happens to the utmost degree. Still not healed enough to start looking for work again, barely surviving on unemployment, everything crumbles all at once. Our car gets reposeses, pge shuts off our power, and a month later we are served a very gracious 3 month eviction notice. Galling into a state of depression after that, my wife turns her back on me instead of being the uplifting partner I needed her to be, for once in our relationship. Instead she hides from me and the kids every single day, won’t talk to me, and if she does, it’s full of spite and blame, inevitably leaving me with the kids all day instead of facilitating in looking for work…..so, stuck with 4 kids, no car, a hollow home that’s illegally being supplied power by a lamppost outside our unit that I was able to sneakily hard wire electrical wire to and run to our patio to feed the house, barely survivable money from unemploymet, and a wife who is in possession of the only usable phone to make calls on to look for work. But sonce she now seems to hate me, will not even let me use to better our situation, i am just left to carry the load of everything. Left to entertain the kids, who she was the one to make the hard stand on not having them enrolled in school mind you. Left making them meals all day. Left to figure out gathering money any way possible to keep us fed. Left with no way to make contact with anyone of signifigance. Left with just a small kids bike and pulling a radio flyer wagon to and from grocery stores, pharmacies, recycling centers, you name it. But i was handling it, for months this way. No help from her, just shit talk daily. But still at least i felt like i was winning the situation. And then shit hits the fan…

I come home one evening after towing back groceries only to have my son nform me that they are leaving tonight. Tears rolling down his face, soon leading to mine, i am just terribly confused as well as hurt. Come to find out, my wife had been having secret conversations with her aunt, as well as my own brother, who we both disliked. Before i know it, im hugging the shit out of my kids for dear life as my wife starts loading a vehicle with belongings for everyone that she had packed while i was exhausting myself to retreive the groceries. Lurching over to seperate me from my kids, is when i find out that my brother was here, and i am in a rage, yet maintain composure being cool calm collected as my children latch on not wanting to let go of me. 3 days later, having no clue where the hell my kids are, what the hell is going on, knowing for sure just how much my character is being slandered and stories are being manipulated, and not one message replied back to me from my wife, no money, no car, no phone, sleeping in a broken home that looks like a tornado came in and deystroyed. Needless to say i have been a tattered mess. Crying myself to sleep, feeling like i am being cheated in this situation big time. With only me knowing the truth to things.

Finally, after a lightbulb went off in my head this morning, i remember that my kids took the tablet that is on the same account as my phone (which is out of service because the bill coukdnt get paid) and i was able to locate it and find out exactly where they are.

Not knowing if shes fucking my brother or something, not knowing if she just needed space to breath and realize she loves me and misses me, not knowing if hostile plotting is occuring against me or something, not knowing literally a thing about a thing, other than the bond that i have with my children and how much i know they are hurting from being stripped from dad. Just as i am for them. So here comes the reddit post with my burning question right this very moment. Because i just desperatly want to hug my children above everything, and also wishing that my wife loves me like i do her….do i pedal my ass on a two hour bike ttrip to syrprise the hell out of everyone thats been leaving me in the dark? Do i leave it alone for now and just let it play out while crying with every reminder of my kids and the life i once had? What do i do? What do i do?!!.