Alright so. I (20F) am dating a man (23M) and our relationship is going well. Up until a recent fight we had. I explained to my partner that him following a bunch of women on social media makes me uncomfortable. He says it’s not a big deal and that he’s only following them to eventually hit a certain number of followers to promote his brand. It makes me super uncomfortable and gross to know how many women he follows and that he refuses to unfollow them. I also mentioned how liking other girls pics makes me uncomfortable, he said he doesn’t and I told him to show me and he refuses to show me saying that’s overstepping boundaries and ruining trust. Hurtful things were said in our argument from both sides but I just want to ask for some outside opinions. Am I being insecure for voicing something that makes me uncomfortable? Keep in mind I unfollowed any man I didn’t know, had previous relations with, etc out of respect for him without him asking months ago and I voluntarily showed him my liked pictures on Instagram without him asking to show I don’t follow or like other mens posts. What do you guys think?
3 comments
From my POV (m26) I think it’s a very reasonable thing to ask him to respect your feelings and not follow or like that kind of content it’s not an unreasonable thing to want it honestly makes me think he isn’t respecting your wishes and it’s making you uncomfortable which isn’t cool if he’s trying to build his “brand” he should make a professional account and not follow every woman or model he sees but that’s just my opinion I hope this gives you some perspective!!
My personal pov, a person like your partner would not interest me as a partner.
From a different pov however, this person would be great for somebody who also loves following men on social media and liking their pictures if you see where I’m going with this?
At the start of a relationship I like to express these boundaries early, if it’s now “late” I’d express my boundries and see if they are either respected or not, I would not force the person or put pressure on them to do either one, their descsion will decide if I decide the relationship is worth my time though.
While I appreciate your efforts…they weren’t genuine…they were an attempt at manipulation….an attempt which failed. You can’t presume someone’s reaction to a personal choice. You chose to unfollow? Great. You chose to show likes? Awesome. But I didn’t ask you to do any of that stuff…and to be frank, I don’t care. Follow whoever you want….like whatever you want. Hell…rub one out to whatever the fuck you like too.
Do you see the problem?
You did not anticipate him feeling thusly. You thought “he’ll see what I did….and surely he’ll want to do the same”
Adults don’t work like that. We do whatever the fuck we want. The matchmaking game is about finding someone that *matches* your personal values and beliefs. Not finding someone who doesn’t and then trying to change them. That route never ends in happiness. Just lies and betrayal.