My girlfriend is very much into dominance/aggression in bed, to the point of a bit of violence beyond impact play (spanking, etc). She wants me to be a bit more aggressive or confident in bed, and I’m having a bit of trouble.
We have safe words set in place, but sometimes I tend to overthink about hurting her, or something of the sort. It’s often really difficult for me to get in the horny… headspace? that I’m in charge and I can do what I want, yknow?
Anyone else had any similar experiences, or any advice on how to be more dominant?
3 comments
So this one’s a little harder to get into. Once you’re in the headspace, it’s hard to not want to be in it when you’re having sex. My first started doing it was very shy about it. Sometimes it turn girls off. My advice to you is the Safeway in Place, she’s already given you the greenlight just do it. Don’t overthink it just do it. Sometimes that’s hard and I understand. An example I can give is one girl asked me to slap her so I did two or three times and she was laying on the bed on her back and she looked up at me and she said harder daddy. I called back my hand and slapped her across her face hard, and she loved it. I thought I was going to knock a filling loose, but she loved it and that’s how things went. So don’t overthink it just do it and if you get to a point where you’re really uncomfortable, then you need to stop and you and her need to reassess the situation.
Just a note– it’s totally fine for you to say “this is the level of dom I’ve got in me… if it doesn’t work for you, we’re not a match.”
I mean, imagine if the genders and D/s roles were switched here: “My boyfriend wants me to be more submissive in bed, to the point that he wants to introduce a bit of violence. We have safewords in place, but sometimes I worry about getting hurt, and it makes it hard for me to get in a horny headspace. It’s hard for me to accept that I’m not in control and he can do whatever he wants. Anyone have advice on how I can be more submissive?”
I mean, really, it’s supposed to be an EQUAL thing. BOTH PEOPLE should find it not just comfortable but fun… if she’s pushing you beyond what you find comfortable and fun, that’s not consent.
Cross post this to r/BDSMAdvice and ask for pointers there. There might be some fun new things. I do want to say “be yourself”, but that said, you can learn a lot and you might get into it. Just don’t be afraid to set the boundary. You’re you. You deserve to be with someone who likes to bone just how you like to bone.