Teaching my husband empathy and consideration

My husband has always struggled with empathy for others if he didn’t strongly care for them. Mostly it’s just been me really that he’s cared for. Anyway, we’ve been together 12 years but married 4. Since getting married his depression/anxiety/ADD has had some dips and some more level times off and on. But overall his consideration for others just isn’t there. Even when his mental health is doing well. It’s like he doesn’t have the ability to understand situations.
Tonight we found out I’ll be spending thanksgiving with my siblings because my brothers dog is dying rapidly and we all need to go say goodbye. He’s basically a human child to them and it was very shocking news. My husband has to stay home with our two kids. And made a comment about how everyone else will be having a bad day, but he’ll also be having a bad day because he’s with the kids a WHOLE day by himself. When I tried to nicely explain to him that that’s a keep it in your head thought and not considerate of all of us grieving, he got upset with me for not listening to his feelings and stress about staying with our two children.
Last month I had a minor abdominal surgery done which put me out of commission from doing most things for a week or so. The first two days were the hardest and I was super sick from anesthesia when I woke up. Originally he told me we’d each get some break time from the kids and he wanted some time because my “break” would be during my first two days resting post surgery. No matter how I tried to explain how that wasn’t a relaxing break and I was literally sick and in pain and healing, he couldn’t understand how bad he sounded.
Lately we keep fighting because things like this come up and his reaction is surprisingly the complete opposite of what I need. But if I try to talk about it he gets to his core deeply hurt and still doesn’t see what’s wrong.