Hello I don’t post on reddit often so forgive me! I (25M) have recently got a girls number while at the theater, but the thing is I haven’t really dated much. I’ve always been extremely shy and introverted because of my adhd. And I’ve mostly evaded dating because of my poor mental state. But these past few years I’ve started to improve my self esteem and social skills. I honestly didn’t think I’d get her number, she was pretty nice so I just thought skrew it might as well see what happens. so now I’m kinda at a lost of what to do next? When should I text her? What’s expected on the first date? I know it’s weird and pretty stupid for someone my age asking for basic dating advice, but it’s better to be late then never I guess. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice is greatly appreciated thank you!
3 comments
When do you want to text her? What do you want to say? Where would you like to take a gal on a first date?
Screw any rules and be yourself. If you abide by certain rules that don’t align with who you are and it works, it’ll only be temporary because you’ll feel like you can’t really be yourself. That doesn’t mean she’ll fall for you. Let’s be real. You could blow it by being yourself. But that’s still better than trying to be something you’re not just to appease someone
I have yeah, last year! I’m also a bit older than you so don’t sweat it bud. I had a bad first relationship, which was good! It taught me so much about what I wanted/didn’t want and what I needed to work on, which was similarly self esteem, confidence and social skills. Set me up for the amazing relationship I’m in now
Wanna know a secret, I still don’t know what I’m doing for the most part. I do my best watching for signals and let my instincts tell me what feels right and for the most part they’ve been spot on. You will f up and do stupid things but a few mistakes are worth it for the majority of success
Couple of notes:
You didn’t think you’d get her number, then you did! Head up champ, roll with it now, freak out later. And realize there’s more wins to come.
You’re interested in her? Why wait, just message her now! Not middle of the night cause that’s weird, and in a not creepy way make her know that you’re attracted to her. Say something you liked about her personality-wise or about her style/outfit, then ask her out. Purpose a time and place she might like, something cheap, low pressure and easy to leave like coffee or a hole in the wall restaurant but have options to continue on with.
Get a small table so you can sit next to instead of across from her, pay for it unless she offers to split. Don’t literally back her into a corner or make her feel trapped, do have a relaxed and open posture. Lots of eye contact, smile, joke and laugh allot. Be open and honest about yourself. Show off your vulnerabilities, there’s strength in that and it builds connections. If she reciprocates or makes you feel bad for anything you’ll know whether she’s LTR/wifey material or not.
Also hey you might never get that far, maybe she’ll ghost you. Dating is hard and nobody really understands it well, which makes it scary. For me, knowing that is comforting. If it doesn’t work out (which statistically it won’t) then you’ve proved to yourself you can overcome that first, hardest step and that’s pretty cool. Onto the next one with everything you’ve learned!
There’s a lot for you to learn from reading your post. I can recommend some YouTubers to watch, and I will say the more videos you watch, the more you will know what to do in XYZ situation 1—anthonyspade reactions 2. Manosphere highlights daily 3. Black Filipino TV 4. Legion of men 5. living a life of abundance. 6. darius m 7. Fbe capital 8. Modern life dating 9. ReplicantPhish 10. Taylor the fiend 11. mtr (mediocre tutorials and reviews)
12. austin holleman 14. The celebrity junk 15. Oshay duke Jacksn 16. MJ get right 17. man reacts 18. better bachelor 19. tim cast 20. coach greg adams
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The funniest YouTuber here is living a life of abundance, so have your popcorn ready. If you want to go deep, check out MJ Get Right and Anthonyspade reaction videos from 1-2 years ago, and everyone else brings a unique flavor to teaching you about the dating scene with women. MJ has three videos with the word validate, after watching that i got laid on the same day. The only problem is, learning this stuff at 27yr instead of 18yr where i wish i knew it to have dated a lot more in my teens and early 20s. ;/ maybe you dont have an issue getting laid then salute to you brother.
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In 6 months or less, your brain will generate all the answers you are looking for once you have enough information from all the videos you watched of every possible dating situation you saw.
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If you drive, then try to play a few videos to listen to. You’ll learn a lot faster. Get a second phone like I did if you need to separate GPS from what you are playing. and remember you can start of by just watching videos with thumbnails and titles related to your x situation so you solve your issues faster instead of watching videos in any order.
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so once again, the more videos you watch the more you will know *what to do* and *how to act* in xyz situation. that does also include looking through some of the older videos from years ago. you may find gold in there. Another thing I almost forgot to mention. If you use an iPhone like me, then get a cheap Android phone from 2020 or newer and download “Revanced YouTube” (download the Revanced Manager first and install YouTube with that*). This will block ads from popping up. So you do not have to skip ads with your finger again; you can see how many dislikes a video has, and you get some premium features like “clip” to create your own clips from videos of parts that matter most to you. And #2, don’t forget to save videos to your playlists, like “dating” etc. You create your playlists to keep stuff organized.