I personally believe love and support are two main foundations, and I understand this question is subjective š but out of curiosity, what would make you feel more confident and happy in your life partner? What generally ticks most of you off? Iād love to understand some general or common points
Thanks in advance!
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You mean for him to WANT to marry or how to maintain an ongoing marriage?
Sometimes your partner can start to seem like the IT Department at your job. When things are working perfectly, you can start to forget why they’re there. When things are bad, you want to be reminded “Oh right, they’re completely essential to the function of everything here.” The things that remind me why I married my wife are usually how she handles a crisis, even a small one. Watching her keep her cool while she juggles several things without freaking out or having a breakdown, it makes me not worry as much when things go badly, because I’ve seen that she can handle it.
When things are going well, that’s for just enjoying each other’s company. Spending time together, making each other laugh, sex. All those things remind me why I’m with her also.
Consistency and low drama. And regular sex.
Putting effort into things I am interested in, even if they don’t interest her. Watch a game with me every now and then or a stupid guy flick. Show that she enjoys spending time with me even if the activity is not something she’d do on her own.
Be mindful of what brings him joy, both from you and from other sources and engage in those with him. Listen without judgement and don’t hold his feelings/past against him. Keep communicating, even if you have to be direct like “how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” The fact you want to find ways to do this I feel is a great sign that you are a fantastic partner š
Any gift that clearly shows she knows me/pays attention
Solving conflicts over minor things without arguing or making it personal
Not running off to the bar for 6 hours while I’m at work and not responding to calls or texts while at said bar.
Her Instagram credentials. Just give me the code to your phone…
Trust, loyalty, communication and of course good sex.
1) Sex. Lots and lots of sex. Sex when he reasonably wants it. Especially oral. Women severely underestimate how important sex is to men. You absolutely MUST have as much sex as he would like.
I know women don’t like hearing this, but it’s true – we’re with you because we want and need sex from you. We need it. If you’re not willing to have lots of sex with us, we really don’t have a reason to be with you, especially when you’re young (Under age 40)
2) Don’t tell him the most negative things. Keep it to yourself. You don’t have to tell him everything that’s in your head and you don’t need to know everything that’s in his head.
3) Loyalty to him.
4) He is not responsible for your feelings. So don’t put your negative feelings on him. Do not vomitpuke your negativity on him. Grow the F up and deal with it yourself.
5) Be a wife/partner/whatever he wants or needs. Whatever he needs, be it and do it.
6) DO NOT CHANGE. Whatever you were when you got married, DO NOT CHANGE IT because THAT IS WHAT HE WANTED. However you were when you got married, we want you to be and stay just like that. Don’t start changing shit up.
Iāll be that guy.
Calm. The fuck. Down.
Do NOT worry just for the sake of worrying, because it somehow makes you feel more conscientious to have imagined ten disasters instead of six.
The problems that do arise wonāt be the ones you were fretting over anyway.
Instead, focus on all things related to basic maintenance of the household and the couple within it.
Remain fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, and inspiring. Always make him feel like he was always your first choice with genuine burning desire. Preform all domestic duties unpromted with love, RESPECT, and admiration. Stay sexually available, loyal, and within his frame. You’re there to be his cheerleader as he fights the world to achieve his legacy and success, maybe fry the bacon he brings home. Police up his deficiencies to become a team that prioritizes efficiency, effectiveness, and results he is aiming for. If he needs leadership, mentorship, or a skillset; make sure you assist him to network with other wives/men to create an opportunity for him to learn/grow. The list goes on. If you read, start here: The Rational Male – Rollo Tomassi.
For starters, don’t cheat.
Donāt ever give him a reason to suspect you are working on replacing him. Men are replaceable, they know they are replaceable. Not a good feeling.
You must ***want*** sex.
Expect him to find a solution. If not, don’t tell him problems. Men can’t hear a problem and not try to solve things. We are men, we build, destroy and repair stuff, goddam!
Did I mention sex?
Respect. Show him respect.
And be honest and straight forward with him. No games.
Oh, and sex!
I think the best theory I’ve seen is basically that a romantic movie to a man is an action movie. The reason why is because men are socialized to believe that they are not deserving of love unless they earn it and many women put down this idea that they are the prize (i.e. an object).
So the secret is making the guy feel valued, and useful and needed. The funny thing is it doesn’t even need to be big stuff. Women will often put down the 50 year old woman who asks her husband to open a jar, but I assure you that woman is getting all the sex she can handle because she makes her man feel like a man. She basically cracked the code which is give him simple things to accomplish and lavish him with praise when he does.
Honestly, I don’t think there’s a specific thing that can make me feel secure and content in a marriage. It’s more about the overall relationship dynamic and communication between both parties. And let’s be real, sometimes us men get ticked off by small things but it varies from guy to guy so your best bet is just to communicate openly with your partner instead of trying to guess what might annoy them š Hope that helps!
Well, for me, touch is a language. So being told I am doing a good job and she loves me with her words and hugs and smooches works well for me. For others, actions speak louder than words, so doing favors and going out of their way to do nice things will do it. Others appreciate when you make something for him, like food or a trinket or buying a thoughtful gift.
A lot of men struggle with feeling like they are contributing enough to the relationship, so showing your man that somehow he is (if he is) might be reassuring to him. But employment is one way that is very easy to feel like you are contributing āok! Iām on the clock! Iām helping! Iām doing good! Iām contributing! Iām a good husband!ā So if he does this but she makes more money than him, this can make him feel very insecure, because that was his reassurance that he is enough. Iām a feminist and I still feel insecure about this. My gf doesnāt talk much and isnāt cuddly so Iām not sure what I can do then instead of making a bunch of money that I know makes me enough
Actually wanting sex instead of putting out the bare minimum to keep him around. And respect. If you arenāt trusting his judgment and leadership in lieu of your single friends, you are not wife material.
Communicating the best you can, and being understanding when we donāt fully grasp everything you try to communicate. Depending on the career/role situation being able to be a reliable teammate, not a girl that piles on more stress by not helping out or her trying to keep up with the Jonesās and putting more financial pressure than is needed on me.
I do quite well, but, I donāt want any potential gf to be attracted to that because there are highs and lows and Iāve seen too many women in my life leave others when guys were in tough times and they walk out.
And then the obvious stuff- donāt be shady, donāt be overly flirtatious and give me any reason to worry what might be happening when Iām not around.
Other than that just be happy, look for silver linings when time are tough, and just know with our love we can get through anything if we remain optimistic and work at it.
*I am not saying all women do the negative stuff above, Iām just listing the things I look out for / have been stressed out with past partners (im currently single)
Respect and trust
Head
Intimacy and sex. And not just for first couple of years of being together but to have inclination to want to find ways to keep it going beyond those initial months/years. To understand that intimacy and sex are an important part that makes a relationship whole just like love, support and security. And that there’s no natural or man-made law anywhere that it is man’s job to initiate it every single time. To understand that relationships require both parties to put in interest, attention energy and effort to keep it going. That’s it. Pretty simple lol
I am happy if my wife is happy, because if she is happy I don’t have to do anything I am not already doing. Doing stuff is tiring.
Aside from that I like it when she says I am handsome, or makes a saucy comment, or puts on a sexy accent like West Country or Aunt Gail from Bob’s Burgers. I like her messaging me from work or when she is on an outing. She was on a train with a friend at the weekend and the friend saw our messages and said, “You really get on well with your husband, don’t you?” I am the main person she wants to tell things to.
The thing that made me feel most secure was when her sister got divorced and she came over all confused maths lady meme. “But he’s part of the family! How would that even work? Will he not be there a Christmas any more?” It’s like she doesn’t understand the concept of divorce.
To always come from a place of love and peace. Even during an argument. (Same goes for a husband btw). Too many arguments are vindictive and nasty.
Also, make him look like a king in front of others amd save the quarrels for when in private. (He should also make you look like a queen).
And always approach issues as “we” not “you” or “I”. Marriage is a unification not a partnership. When you get married you are “one” not two.
Consistent focus on high quality sex frequently
All of these things will help a man feel that his wife is pursuing intimacy with him. Sometimes it feels like a one way street where we always take initiative, and that can make it seem like our wives are disinterested in us.
1. Be interested in regular sex, with a frequency that takes into account how often her husband would like to have it.
2. Take interest in the thing he finds interesting or entertaining.
3. Occasionally take the initiative to schedule a date night.
Men get beat down with constant disapproval in some relationships. Society views them as emotional punching bags.
A simple thank you in a meaningful fashion would go a long way to most men.
Let him be a man and lead the family. If he is hard worker give him love when he gets home and let him relax before you start talking about your problems
Be emotionally safe. Don’t hold his feelings against him. Validate his feelings. Don’t make problems that he brings to you his fault if they are no fault issues or if they are the result of someone else’s choices or actions. No one makes anyone else choose or do a thing.
He already feels disposable. Don’t contribute to that feeling. In fact, try to make him feel reassurance that he’s not expendable to you.
Show him he deserves love without having to earn it. We are conditioned to feel like our only value is in what we produce and once that production stops we have no value. Society treats us this way. I’ve been with many individual women that treated me this way.
Give him peace, or at the very least don’t detract from it.
Not exactly an answer, but I want to compliment you for coming into this forum and asking this question
Have high emotional sensitivity
Being present
Not an attention seeking person
Let me be. If Iām wanting alone time itās because Iām really introverted. Sometimes she takes it personal.
Be a source of peace.
Be easygoing and don’t cause fights. Same applies for the guy.
Taking care of herself mentally physically and emotionally. Thatās NOT to say that I wouldnāt pour into her and support her myself but actively caring about herself makes it very easy to feel content.
More acknowledgement of his contributions, remember men are more action/solution focused as well as being more physically intimate are important.
Yes sometimes you may not want to be physical, but you know what, sometimes we don’t want to hear what ever friend gossip/stressor is going on, but we do – that’s part of being in a relationship.
Honestly I would like some of your attention without any hidden agendas or reasons other than you remember that you like me enough to share a bed with.
Surprise me with a drink, or a favourite meal without suddenly remembering you need favour or something done
Just willingly give me some selfish sexual attention without asking me to do some chores
Let me have some time to do things I want to do, even better be a part of it! – without first telling me to do all this before I get to do that.
If you can tell I am stressed – don’t f’cking poke the bear – be present and at least pretend to care, give me space to process or an ear to vent.
Not look for attention from other men
I wont date a woman with a provocative instagram/social media
Listen when we talk, listen to any concerns we raise without itemizing everything weāve ever done thatās worse, and just generally make us feel seen and heard. Stop backing us into a corner and then wondering why weāre quiet. Give us a *meaningful* thank you every once in a while.
Nothing.
The laws empower her to leave for any reason. To take all she can get. To lie and falsify evidence to gain advantage and to do so without penalty or risk to herself.
I have listened to women all my 53 years tell the world how much they hate men. How everything is our fault. How we are nothing but rapists, and oppressors, and abusers.
And I’ve listened to the rest of women say nothing in support of men, but jealously guard all the privileges that hatred had won for them.
I don’t know how to make a meaningful partnership with someone like that and I think it’s madness that we are expected to try.
I don’t trust women and I never will.
Respect and full on commitment to the relationship. Iām not hired help.
I donāt know how often I get told āthanks for helping to me todayā and ā I donāt know how Iād handle this without your helpā.
Iām literally here 50% of the time you are and we both became parents on the same day, Iām not no fucking hired help.
Following although the future of me having a man is looking bleak lol