Context: I (28 f) have this deep urge to spoil my fiance (28 m). But I don’t want to come off emasculating when I want to give him the world. He sometimes tell me that I do to much for him but I want to do more for him. I want to pamper him with MTG and video games that he likes. I just would like to know if it’s okay to pamper him or men in general.
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Bad, because we are a different species that hates positivity and good treatment. š
Some men might like it. I hate it.
Makes me uncomfortable someone doing something for me that I could very easily do myself.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate being treated well versus poorly.
Sounds suffocating, not emasculating.
How would it be emasculating to take care of your fiancƩ?
If you want to know if itās ok to pamper him, then ask him, we donāt read each otherās minds just because weāre men.
My gf and her lady friends do that to me, giving me cutesy nicknames and all that. Keeping in mind that I’m this 6ft muscle bound Dave Gorhl looking metalhead who surfs, so it’s unusual for me to be treated this way. They also like to baby and fuss over me, you get the idea. It’s taken some time to get used to and it can be sort of embarrassing.
Like every other post like this, men are not a monolith. Some will like X thing and some will not. All you have to do is ask, men do not have hangups over something like that.
Men donāt care for the pampering per se.
What men like is effort. It doesnāt have to be financial. In fact itās emasculating for men if itās financial based pampering.
But if you spoil him in the sense where you see heās working hard. And he comes one day and youāre making him his favourite meal, and you rent him a game that you know heās been wanting to play. And then you literally leave him alone to enjoy both and make sure nothing bugs him (unless he enjoys you being there and asking questions)
Thatās the kind of pampering men like.
Pampered as in coddled? Make me a bubble bath or something? Would make my skin crawl
But if she wants to make me a sandwich or fetch a beer or celebrate Steak & BJ Day – I totally appreciate it!
My wife papmers me by either leaving me alone to read or play video games, or let’s me take the kids out in the desert to shoot and star gaze.
>I just would like to know if it’s okay to pamper him or men in general.
It is.
It sounds like your love language is acts of service. It also sounds like his is not. Have him take the love languages test, and try to communicate with him in his love language.
P.S. Just in case: A lot of people assume physical touch a a love language means sex specifically. It doesn’t. You can be physically intimate without that intimacy predicating sex.
Edit: spelling
Most of us aren’t used to it, so it makes us a bit uncomfortable. And I think most of us might start to feel guilty if you do so much for us. Best way we like to be pampered is a nice home cooked meal, some light kisses, and then giving us some time to destress at the end of the day.
I kinda hate the word. I think it being a diaper brand kinda soured it for me
I never object to gifts tho
Yes, definitely. If you’re being feminine he won’t feel emasculated
I don’t know if it’s been mentioned yet but I think there has to be a way you can pamper him in ways he really enjoys and doesn’t feel overwhelmed. Maybe explain how you want to show your affection to him if you haven’t already and come to a good compromise so you both feel happy š
Good question. with a woman I loved, I would go to work and come home. We were young, so we didn’t have a car between us but I also chose to bike to work and stuff. During the super hot days, I would tell her my ETA and when I got back home, because she had a different schedule than mine: she would have a cold drink for me, when I got home. In the winters, same thing but a hot bath drawn to within a half mile of me getting home. I really appreciated her for doing that, she was a keeper.
That, and she also did stuff, like try to be funny <3
One of my favourite things that my ex did for me would be making coffee fornthe both of us and bringing me a cup. That is something I would enjoy as acts of service (as I read was ypur love language). Anal and/or a blowjob would also go a long way
She thinks Iāll judge her for doing itā¦ I donāt know why. I love being pampered! Somebody is taking time to make me feel good? Wow!!! Thatās awesome! Why do you think Iād hate this?
What pampered looks like is different for men and women because both groups value different things; I think that is worth considering.
Physical affection is the best pampering…. As long as it doesnt feel like a spa treatment.
Nothing made me happier than my woman feeling like she just had to play with my hair.
Speaking purely for myself, hard no. I don’t even like receiving a massage. Just makes me feel uncomfortable.
Everyone wants to be pampered. You just have to know how someone wants to be pampered
If a chick buys a dude Magic The Gathering Cards it is proof of eternal love. If that guy can’t acknowledge that he isn’t the one..
If he’s the type of guy that would succumb from playful pestering, I say pester him about you wanting to spoil him with things you can reasonably guess he’ll like. Only after he succumbs should you shower him with the things you want to get him. BUT. Be reasonable. DO NOT break any budgets. Only use fun money.
I would personally love this.
I personally would love it as a man it feels like I’m always helping everyone it would be nice to be pampered every once in a while.
Depends on the individual. I hate it because I’m used to it being a form of control/punishment (The old carrot-stick game). I get myself what I want and need.
Gifts are a weird subject. I know my partner means the best when she wants to pamper me, and itās hard to ask for a double standard when I get plenty of pleasure from pampering her. Howeverā¦it feels weird, because thereās a lot of being idle in being a recipient. Iām very much accustomed to being active when Iām awake, even when I should be resting. My own ālove languageā is in the handmade: gifts and cooking, or in massages and similar contact, where Iām actively engaged. I donāt see it as emasculating to receive gifts and such, but itās more like I donāt know what to do with myself in the process.
Very much depends I’d love my wife to book me in for a massage and waxing but that’s just me. Some guys would want more others MUCH less.
would be nice for a change instead of begging for the bare minimum.
Do it, but understand that he will probably expect you to keep that energy
I could sort of see being emasculated by pampering until you said pampering included MTG and video games, which is not exactly the day at the spa and pedicure I was imagining. If your boyfriend feels its emasculating to enjoy the activities and hobbies he already likes, then I don’t know what to say about that – that’s some next level insecurity.
Depends on the person. I personally donāt like being pampered, Iād rather go do something active together.
Ask him what he would really enjoy. Listen.
You’re going to buy him MTG cards and video games? No wonder he’s marrying you.
Everyone is different, personally the most I’m comfortable with is my wife cooking and some housework. Even then I typically do all the housework that I can before I leave for work. I don’t even like receiving gifts. Take that with a grain of salt though because I’m not the most touchy feely emotional guy.
Plenty of guys, I’d say even the majority of guys do enjoy being pampered occasionally.
Personally I hate it, alone with Christmas, birthdays, etc. I digressā¦ Let me share this with you. If heās saying youāre doing to muchā¦ listen šā¦ you are doing to much. Learn his love language. It appears that your love language is giving, serviceā¦ Itās not his. Focus on learning & knowing him. Itās like me wife can come home from work and say āhiā and I know if to give her a hug, kiss and engage. Or a hug, kiss and go down in my man cave. You want to learn your partner and know when to pivot. You got this!!
I prefer to be the one doing the pampering but to each their own.
I love being pampered. Tell him to get comfortable and he is not allowed to move. He has to ask you for everything!
I would love to relax and enjoy my partner taking care of me. Waiving a palm leaf while sliding chunks of medium rare tenderloin into my mouth while I slurp down some knob creek.
āļøthis isnāt every manās thing so go off what he likes and really try to make him not think about what he needs. Try to set him up as he doesnāt need to think about it or make a decision. That is ultimate comfort and relaxation.
I like to pamper my partner. I like when she pampers me. I never understood why some men get so butthurt about being spoiled instead of spoiling.
Instantly suspicious of the motivation.
As long as the pampering doesnāt come with a nagging bit&$ after words. Lol
It really depends on if I feel like Iāve earned it. But this isnāt exclusive to men.
I really love being pampered and spoiled, itās bloody awesome, but if Iām not in a position to give back in kind I feel a bit guilty.
Also in some cases it comes off as desperate, as sometimes people think theyāre not enough and need to compensate with gifts and special treatment. Or they just give too much and put themselves out to demonstrate love.
Any man who sees that as emasculating, BAIL OUT NOW!!! You will be sorry if you stay with someone as immature and stuck in such a literal toxically masculine mindset.
Dammit I really hate it when men don’t appreciate the tiny few women who do pamper men. Pamper the guy as much as you want and let God sort it out.
I like being pampered and treated like a child. Of course, I take my part as a man when I need to, but otherwise, itās nice to be loved and cared for
Obviously, all men are different but I don’t know a guy who doesn’t like to get pampered every now and again. Just remember, what a lady considers pampering and eat a guy considers pampering are two totally different animals..
Iām not sure but the idea sounds great
Pamper the hell out of me. I really would like some pampering and hugging. I need some.
Pretty sure your soon to be husband doesnāt want Marjorie Taylor Green. He is with you, and would probably confused if you tried to bring a fringe right wing politician into your relationship.
Only Iād say is definitely do it in private. Other than that I think I guy would love to be pampered even tho itās be something new
Pamper does not mean spoil.
As a guy, I love it when my gf brings in a plate of food to my office, brings me things when I’m sick etc. I’m not one to have things bought for me. Once in a while she will pick up shirts and stuff for me, but I like to provide. So don’t be overbearing. There are many ways to show love and affection. Too much feels phoney.
You’re an awesome woman to feel that way. Yiu can tell him, I’m sure he will love it.
Giving someone gifts is not emasculating.
My dad used to give me money out of the blue. I didn’t need it but he would try to just give me a hundred bucks here and there and one day I got a little rude and told him I would rip up the next check he sent me. Then he got offended and basically told me it was his way of showing me he cared. Which was just weird for me but I got the feeling I was basically denying him the ability to show me he cared, if I didn’t take his money. From then on, I decided it was basically rude to reject or deny accepting a gift because gift giving is often about the giver and has less to do with the recipient.
Don’t feel bad about giving. Some people just have trouble understanding that gifts are often about the gesture than the material object.
If you want to spoil him, make it a grand gesture. Put some serious thought and effort into something. It doesn’t need to be financially valuable either. In fact, making it sentimental is usually far more meaningful. Maybe he had an old bike that was his favorite that got stolen. Maybe his dead grandpa used to let him fly a specific RC plane. Maybe he never got to see the Northern lights when he had the chance. If you really listen to someone in all their detail, you might think of something that would be really difficult to pull off but you plan, and keep it a secret, investigate, etc. All the effort put into a gift demonstrates a level of love and care that is undeniable.
Depends on the dude. Ask him.
It’s not exactly emasculating but being doted on feels like being mothered. Kind of kills the romance.