I could really use some advice because I feel like I’m on a ticking time bomb to making a really akward situation.
A few days ago, my brother came home from work after having a really shit day. I mean, rough. His car got rear ended. He got yelled at by a couple becsuze he couldn’t help their dog that got hit by a car (he’s a vet). His doctors appointment got cancelled for his bad shoulder because he was stuck at work. So he was rather down when he came home.
At one point in the night. Hayley (27 F) is my brother’s girlfriend of 3 years. We were sitting in the living room talking to my brother. She came up behind Jason (brother) hugged him from behind and said something along the lines of come to bed. That’s all that happened. We didn’t hear them and they didn’t start making out.
But my girlfriend wants me to talk to them about how she’s uncomfortable with public affection. It’s been a few days and she’s been asking me to talk to them about it. I keep telling her to let it go but she thinks we need boundaries. They’re not doing anything else. They’re not groping each other or anything like that.
How do I talk some sense into her and make her understand it’s incredibly rude to do this in someone else’s house?
46 comments
By telling her no. You’re staying in their house and they are behaving like a regular couple living their lives. It would be different if they were all over each other, then yes, I would ask them tone it down a bit. In this case, they’re not doing anything wrong and asking them to change is unacceptable. If your gf is that uncomfortable she has 2 choices. Deal with it or leave.
Don’t. You are staying at their home? It isn’t your place to demand them to behave in a certain way. Especially if they aren’t being offensive and you are guests in their home. Tell your gf to grow up. People don’t have to cater to her neurotic demands
Yikes she is definitely in the wrong here. But you know that. Besides telling her that they are not being inappropriate AND it is their house I would simply refuse to discuss it. I would worry she might take it upon herself to say something though.
Tell her you won’t do it and to drop the subject. She is a guest in their house and does not get to police their behavior. This wasn’t even questionable behavior – they weren’t grinding on each other, ffs, it was a hug.
You might also let her know that this wasn’t public affection. They were in their own home. Maybe she should take herself off to the room you’re staying in if she can’t handle someone providing physical comfort to their partner.
Ridiculous
“No. They’re not doing anything wrong and I won’t tell them that. No.”
No justifying or debate.
>uncomfortable with public affection
this is not even public. this is their private home, where she is a guest. nothing more.
also, it’s not like they are walking around in the buff or having wild orgies in front of her.
she’s totally unreasonable and simply needs to adapt.
there might be an underlying reason for her feeling “uncomfortable”, which you might find out later.
Tell Prudie to get over it and not be an ungrateful guest.
Well the SECOND thing to do is to tell her No. That’s fairly clear.
But the first thing is to really listen to her, ask her what made her uncomfortable and what other feelings she had.
90 percent of the time people just want to be heard. You probably won’t need to do any more than that. You’ll also learn important things about your gf.
Is she hugging you or holding your hand while they are around? Or is she refusing all physical contact with you? Because if she’s fine with that, she’s a hypocrite.
She has weird expectations and I would tell her as mich. “I’m sorry two people hugging in their own home is making you uncomfortable, but for me this is absolute normal. If they were going overboard with showing affection, I would speak up, but in this case, I absolutely don’t see any need.” Maybe also ask her what exactly made her uncomfortable when they just shared a hug? Like, I do that with close friends. It’s normal. Nothing sexual going on with just a normal hug.
They aren’t doing public affection because they are in their own home which isn’t public. You GF is out of line and trying to undermine what sounds like a healthy supportive and loving relationship.
She should be taking inspiration from them instead of trying to control them.
It’s their house.
If your girlfriend isn’t comfortable with them, she knows where the door is.
You are guests in their home. Its none of your concern if your brother’s gf wants to be affectionate with your brother. Your gf has the issue – no one else. Go find somewhere else to stay, but don’t try to dictate the behavior of your hosts.
Does she also try to control you? That is very weird behavior and tells me she is only interested in controlling others and making herself the victim in all circumstances. Good luck if that is what you want in your life.
In your brother’s place I would tell her to find a new place to stay if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
You tell her just that. We’re staying in their home I am not gonna tell them that her hugging him and telling him to come to bed is inappropriate.
You probably need to have a conversation with her about why she thinks that’s inappropriate behavior
Your GF needs help wtf, the incredible sense of entitlement here. Is this the first time she lives away from her home?
Entirely unreasonable request. Don’t even mention it to your brother and his GF. It is literally their home
What? You guys are staying at their house and she has the nerve to “request” this OMG LOL
You don’t. It’s their home and they can do what they want in it. And that was hardly public affection. That was a gf consoling her bf when he needed it. They’re not doing anything wrong. If your gf is uncomfortable tell her to look away or move out.
Your gf is rude and stupid for thinking she could make any demands regarding her hosts‘ behaviour. It she doesn’t like it she should move her entitled ass to a hotel…I would be so embarrassed to be with someone like that.
Tell her she’s nuts, a hug from behind and saying come to bed does not Merit any comment to your brother or gf that she’s uncomfortable with your PDA. That’s nuts. First of all if you’re living there rent free from the sounds of it. she has no leg to stand on. She is not a tenant. they’re helping you out and they’re allowed to do what they want in their own home. if they felt like making out on the couch in front of you that is none of your business. You two walk away if it bothers you. Obviously I understand you weren’t bothered by this and she is crazy. If she’s unhappy with it she can turn and leave the room. But no I would not say anything to your brother or his girlfriend and if she does you should suggest that she move out then. she can go home or go stay with a friend she doesn’t have to stay with you.
Tell your GF choosy beggars get rightly shown the door.
If she is not comfortable, go for walk…get out of the apartment to get some fresh air. When I had roommates, I was rarely at my apartment. I only went to the apartment to sleep or cook when I knew the roommate was not there. Movie theaters or book stores were great places to grab a nap.
Tell your gf to go stay at a hotel.
Your girlfriend sounds like she’s a lot of fun at parties.
🙄
>my girlfriend wants me to talk to them about how she’s uncomfortable with public affection.
Your girlfriend is pretty immature if she expects the world to align to her world view. That’s not how things work.
>At one point in the night. Hayley (27 F) is my brother’s girlfriend of 3 years. We were sitting in the living room talking to my brother. She came up behind Jason (brother) hugged him from behind and said something along the lines of come to bed. That’s all that happened.
Wow, your gf needs a therapist if that bothered her. If someone in my house told me not to do that? I’d tell them to get the f out. Your girlfriend is out of line.
It’s not public affection. They’re in their own home. A home that they’re nice and generous enough to share with you and your girlfriend. I wouldn’t even really consider what they did overly affectionate. Whatever your girlfriend’s problem is, she needs to deal with it without making a fuss at the very people who are providing her a roof over her head.
This is the home if your brother and his SO.. Your GF doesn’t get to set boy diaries for the homeowners!
What the SO sounds pretty tame and loving, too.
Your GF should do some introspection as to why other people being lock g towards each other causes her to want to blow up her own life.
You don’t get to make rules when you area guest is someone else’s house.
Be prepared to be asked to leave.
I know you are a 26 year old grown ass man, but if you were my son, I’d sure hope that you were mature enough to recognize this for the red flag that it is. Sweetie, this is some kookie entitlement, choosie beggar, outrageous behavior. Are you sure she’s the one? Have there been any other troubling behaviors that you’ve tried to overlook?
If someone were doing me a favour, I wouldn’t dictate terms and boundaries to them in this manner. How entitled does this girl behave in situations where she is actually in a position to dictate terms??
Your gf is the reason people hate houseguests. Time for her to leave and get her own place where she can make the rules.
You realize that’s not PDA right? They’re in their own home, ya know their PRIVATE residence? Just because you and gf are staying with them doesn’t now make it public.
Sit your gf down one last time. Tell her this will be that last time you address this, if she brings it up again YOU will tell her to leave, because now she’s making it uncomfortable for you. Letter know that your brother and his gf aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s their home not gf’s. She doesn’t get to tell them they can’t have PDA. Remind her again any affection they show each in their own home isn’t PDA because it’s their private residence.
If she still has a problem, she needs mental health help. Well she does anyway. But honestly is she’s going to harp on such a non-issue you’re going to spend more time having to explain the world than you are having a healthy relationship. Which you don’t have, a healthy relationship that is. GF us a problem. She’s being absurd. Nip it in the bud before she makes an ass outta herself and you by addressing it herself.
And if she leaves don’t go with her. It’s so not worth it.
NO. Do not talk to him about it while you live in HIS house! She needs to get over herself. Look away if you don’t want to see it.
By telling her that instead of being an entitled, obnoxious, choosy beggar, she should just be grateful they’re letting you both stay there.
I would add that you didn’t realize she was actually this insufferable of a person, but that’s just me 😁
It’s not public affection.
You do not get to ask someone to act a certain way in their own home. Especially if you’re staying there as a guest.
That’s the fastest way to have no place to live.
Tell her if she’s uncomfortable then she’s free to fuck off and stay elsewhere.
Her request is absurd and ridiculous and I think your gf might have some feelings for your brother.
You explain that she doesn’t get to have boundaries when she’s living in someone else’s house. That she would be the most rude and obnoxious house guest EVER if she asked these people IN THEIR OWN HOUSE, as a guest, to please ALTER THEIR RELATIONSHIP because she’s uncomfortable? She gets to establish boundaries in her OWN relationship and in her OWN home. Otherwise, she keeps her mouth shut. If she doesn’t like it, she can leave. I can’t understand how she could think it is okay. She’s a grown adult and should know better. If she wants to control other people’s affectiom, she can do so in her own home that she pays for, and nowhere else. Does she also ask strangers on the street to be less affectionate in front of her? The entitlement here is staggering.
She’s a guest. I imagine she’s staying there only because she’s with you. Your brother is doing YOu a favor. You tell your girlfriend that her options are 1. Deal with it like a grown up adult and get over herself, or 2. Leave and stay somewhere else.
Those are the choices. Under NO circumstances does she get to tell people how to act in their own relationship, in their own home. She’s way out of line. If she were a guest in my home and said this to me about me and my partner, I would ask her to leave. Immediately.
I hate how many people don’t understand boundaries but insist on setting them for other people. 🫣 like “I don’t like public affection so you can’t hug around me in your own home.” That’s not a boundary
You don’t. You don’t talk sense into her because she’s an asshole for thinking she can tell people how to behave in their own home. This is THEIR home, not yours. You and your girlfriend are their guests. You don’t go to someone else’s house and try to tell them what to do. You know this, which is why you’re not saying anything to your brother. Your brother’s job is HELLA stressful. He deserves to come home to some peace, maybe a nice warm hug from his girlfriend, without having to tiptoe around eggshells because your girlfriend is discomforted by a hug.
If I were letting a family member and their significant other stay in my home out of the goodness of my own heart, and said family member said “Sorry but it makes girlfriend uncomfortable that you guys hug” I’d laugh my fucking ass off and tell my family member that they were welcome to stay, but that their girlfriend needed to find somewhere else to live. Talk about choosing beggars!
You need to ask yourself WHY this bothers your girlfriend so much. She’s either got some serious unresolved issues or she’s jealous of your brother’s girlfriend.
Man it’s always the people who have no house, jobs, freeloader, not paying anything etc. That are the most enetiled people.
It seems to as if your girlfriend has a thing for your big brother. Why else would she think that it’s okay to tell another couple how to behave in their own house.
Tell her to check into a hotel and pay for it. She’s being rude and ridiculous and she needs to grow up.