did i cross the line?
i (18F) had a dispute with my boyfriend (18M).
we were just playing valorant together and this random in my team was hitting on me. (he probably found out i was a female when i was using vc since i had no choice). he started to call me “babe” in the vc and i was so grossed out i just told him to shut up. he then typed in the team chat asking for my number and instagram which i immediately shut down and said no. he still continued to annoy me through vc and i just told him to f*** off. (i couldn’t turn of vc since it was competitive and i needed to hear them give comms). throughout all this my boyfriend didn’t even say a word to defend me or anything and i was just kinda disappointed and baffled at his indifference. i started to complain to him saying how he was annoying as f***, and he yelled at me, “then stop f***ing entertaining him ,that’s what he wants!” honestly i was really hurt and i don’t understand since i didn’t think i was entertaining him at all because all i did was shut down his advances harshly. maybe i should have stayed quiet? at the same time i couldn’t stand someone calling me “babe” it was straight up disgusting and i don’t think i could have kept it in. i then asked him “why didn’t u stand up for me or say anything then?”
he replied with “well what can i say do u want me to f***ing get banned?”. honestly what the hell? it would just be a chat restriction it’s nothing that serious why couldn’t he have said anything for me? and once the game ended he said into the team voice chat “stupid ******” as if that would help anything when everything’s over? i just feel so disappointed and hurt right now like why did he have to blame me when i was already harshly shutting down the guy’s advances? right now i just told him i was gonna sleep and want to have some alone time, because what just happened really made me question our relationship. can i get some thoughts on this please?
39 comments
You clearly shut the guy down. It’s not your fault he was harassing you. Is there a way to report him and get him kicked?
Honestly not sure what your bf wants but he sounds too immature to have a girlfriend. He doesn’t need to get banned to stick up for you either. He can just say “stop being a creep. That’s my girlfriend and she’s not interested”. My ex blamed me and accused me of enjoying a stranger grabbing my ass in a restaurant even though I screamed at him that he was disgusting and to fuck off.
Some guys are just insecure and you’re too young to waste your time when theres guys with more than 15 functioning brain cells that you could be dating instead.
He thinks it’s your fault how men treat you? Immature and weird. He’s shown he won’t have your back when you need him, dump him
When someone shows you who they are, pay attention. Your bf is insecure. You need to establish the boundary that this is not okay and relationships are built on trust. If he doesn’t trust you, your relationship is guaranteed to be trash. If you let this behavior go, it will be normalized and he will think it’s okay to talk to you like this. You need to nip this in the bud right now. If he isn’t receptive, it’s a good time to leave that relationship. If you don’t, you will regret how much time you wasted on this person in the future, I promise you.
You know… I’m really glad I’m not 18 anymore. Aging has its perks. Thanks OP.
Horrible bf. You sure you want to keep him? Who needs a man that always blames you and doesn’t even help you against harassment? 🗑️
The commenters here seem to not realize she could have easily clicked 2 buttons to both mute his chat and voice from her seeing it. Not saying anyone is in the right at all, but I also don’t understand why OP would continuously say things to the guy instead of just muting him after the first out of line thing he said. I play valorant, you can just mute the one guy, so making it so no one hears ur comms is not a bi product of that. You just wouldn’t be able to hear the weird guy.
First, he shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. Nor should he be upset with you about the situation.
Possibly he could be right that completely ignoring the guy would have been better than responding, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior.
Instead of supporting you, he invalidates you further huh.
Might wanna rethink the boyfriend title more while you have the opportunity.
This bugs me a lot.. I’m feeling things like this will escalate. What if a guy hits on you in a store because they don’t know you two are together, is he going to jump down your throat then too? Is he then going to bring up the way you dress and that’s your fault because maybe your shorts were to short so you were asking for it? This dude needs a reality check.. If he can’t sit and have an actual adult conversation instead of acting like an 8yr old I would have been gone.. He’s not worth the headache..
Run, away from him. You are nobody’s property.
Any female gamer can tell you horror stories about their experience with online games and the harassment they go through. It’s not a secret. You can see it posted on social media. The fact that your BF blames you for being harassed just tells you that he is part of the problem. Drop him and move forward with new adventures. You deserve to have someone that will come to your defense and support you all day, everyday.
Yeah, so that’s being a woman and definitely being a woman on the internet in a male-dominated space, like many games.
You were being harassed and your boyfriend blamed you. Think really hard about what that attitude extends to. Frankly, I would not date someone who thinks that way. If someone was doing that to you in public or if you were assaulted, this is the type of guy who would blame you for that.
As for the people saying OP could’ve muted the guy…sure, maybe that’s true. That doesn’t really justify what her boyfriend said.
Don’t be with someone who yells at you.
Sounds like your boyfriend is pretty immature and insecure. There’s honestly not a whole lot. You can do about either of those things. Unless this relationship is amazing and literally every other way (which I’m sure it’s not based off of how he’s acting) It’s best to leave. Maybe in a few years he’ll be less immature and you can try again. Or maybe he’ll be a complete scumbag and you’ll have found the love of your life. Too young to deal with stuff like this.
Gamers who grief other players are trying to get any reaction out of you so that they know they’re annoying you, so I understand why your Bf would have preferred to just switch servers or block the other player, as to not give them the satisfaction of knowing that they’re getting to you. That said, of course you’re absolutely within your rights to defend yourself and give the guy a piece of your mind, and since that’s what you wanted to do he should’ve defended you. I understand that he didn’t want to escalate things and give the griefers satisfaction, but he handled it very poorly and shouldn’t have yelled at you and blamed it on you.
Too many commenters that have never been in this situation and have no idea what they are talking about, but are taking free shots at your BF.
You were dealing with a troll. The single thing he wanted by calling you babe and all the other crap they do was to illicit a response or reaction from you. At which point they will continue, because you keep responding.
So next time, rather than engaging (or as your bf called it, “entertaining”) with a troll that only wants to rile you up and cause turmoil (which he successfully did), **literally just press the mute button next to his name.**
Your BF handled it wrong. Flat out his reaction to you was wrong. At the same time, you also handled it wrong. I get where he is coming from when there is a readily available, easily accessible 100% solution to this problem literally a mouse click away, and rather than doing it, you “fed the troll” as they say.
Why did you not just mute him as soon as it started.
This is really silly. OP!s bf needs to grow a pair.
“Fuck off.” Then mute him. Don’t let some internet rando spoil your day. I think in this situation neither you or your bf are completely in the right. Maybe you could try to see things from each other’s perspective and apologize to each other for handling the situation poorly, and then try to move forward with a better idea of what to do if it happens again.
If your boyfriend EVER dissuades you from standing up for yourself, in any way YOU SEE FIT, tell HIM to fuck off.
I feel like maybe your boyfriend just meant that you were entertaining the guy by paying any attention to him at all. It’s possible that the guy only kept doing it because he was entertained by your reaction so maybe your boyfriend just feels like you should have ignored him. 🤷
It’s pretty shitty that he wouldn’t say anything in your defense. I don’t know why he thinks stepping in on your behalf would get him banned. The two are not synonymous at all. Someone hit on you. You told him to stop. He wouldn’t stop. Frankly, ANYONE else on the chat should have stepped in because one of their teammates was being actively harassed. Don’t sit on this. Report him.
Honestly, this all makes me so glad I’m not 18 anymore.
I didn’t read this. Just the title. If that’s genuinely the case. Just break up. You are so young, don’t let this dip shit give you relationship trauma
Your boyfriend is insecure and immature. He definitely didn’t handle this well, and the way he just started to blame you instantly for « entertaining » that guy. Your reaction to that dude was valid and understandable. It was not your fault for getting harassed by that person. I would say that in the long term that will definitely get worse and cause a lot of issues so unless he’s going to work on himself and truly apologize to you? You should break up with him.
Girl, you are only 18. You have a whole life ahead of you, don’t waste it on petty, insecure, immature jerks.
Ditch the jerk, you don’t need that kind of toxicity in your life.
He’s an idiot, you did everything right
DTMF!
Your bf should of stepped up and said something to the creeper, not yell at you! Sounds like he needs to grow the F up!
You literally did everything right. And honestly, I know how exhausting and stressful standing up to harassment is. Your bf absolutely should have been shutting the guy down, and it’s doubly disgusting that he then blamed you. Honestly, you deserve a lot better.
Im sorry but if anybody was making my wife uncomfortable i would check the person acting like an asshole, game ban be damn. The fact that he didnt says all i need to know about this dude.
Sounds like your bf’s balls haven’t dropped yet if he isn’t willing to defend you until no one’s around to listen. Believe me when I say, if there’s one thing you want in a partner, it’s someone who has your back. You’re 18, plenty of time for you to find someone else worth your while.
So he cares more about his stupid game than his own girlfriend being harassed? Dump him and he won’t have to choose between you and his game anymore. Next time that happens to you, start a new game with different players. Don’t put up with that harassment.
What does entertaining him mean? How did he suggest you respond to this guy? What does he think you could have possibly done different? He sounds very insecure and didn’t stand up for you on top of that. How you responded to the harasser was spot on. If your bf can’t see that then he’s a loser. But just as a curiosity I can’t but help wonder what he thinks you should have done because what you did was perfect.
I hate to be this person but it kind of sounds pre-abusive. It’s not your fault whatsoever this is bizarre behavior. You are super young so just leave
Why is he blaming you for something another man did wrong? Examine this.
Girl gamer here. Your boyfriend is completely in the wrong. You did what you needed to, and if the bf didnt like it, HE should have mentioned it.
He could have done something but he didnt.
Yes some guys do things to rile us girls up, but you can cut it off and stop. You tried it seemed. The other guy was just being a dick. So was your bf.
If he has no respect for you, what are you with him for?
If you think this has a chance at all, feel free to suggest he plays with a voice changer to sound female, and challenge him to play for a week on that setting without cheating once. I personally don’t think t his relationship is worth that much effort, but honestly is is up to you.
Do not befriend or date boys who blame others guys bad behaviour on you.
Well, he can enjoy his video games problem free when you dump him.
First off, you need to dump him. He’s a child and not capable of a Romantic relationship.
2nd. Men like your bf (hopefully soon-to-be ex) and men sporting small dick energy, will always make it a woman’s fault.
No, you should not have remained silent, that is what they are trying to train women to be. Silent and subservient so they don’t need to be accountable for THEIR behaviour.
What he did was victim blame you. Do you want to wait and find out what he’ll say if someone assaults you? Slips something in your drink? Or what if someone sexually harrases you at work? Is that your fault too?
As you gain wisdom with age you will realise that a lot of men will say it’s your fault simply for existing. The sooner you learn to weed that type of mentality out and start holding these douchbags accountable the happier and healthier you will be.
You did nothing wrong. It’s not too much to expect the man in your life to step up and defend you. It’s not too much to expect respect from your SO. Date a man who believes women’s rights are human rights and women aren’t second-class citizens.
Yes you both are young and have time to grow and mature…. But on the other hand that pops up so many red flags. I’ve had many female friends stay in abusive relationships and the early signs were things like this that seemed small. If small occurrences similar to this event are commonplace do yourself a favor and leave.
You’re 18 the world is yours for the taking as long as you don’t weigh yourself down now.