I am a mess right now. The up’s and down’s of my love/hate relationship with my wife is taking a toll on me. Our house is a complete mess. I am maxed out with what I can handle. I am solely responsible for our kids in the morning (wake up, make breakfast, dress, pack lunch box, take to school). I also pick up 85% of the time at which point I get home, empty the dishwasher, clean the kitchen from late night/ breakfast and begin to make dinner. Then I feed and walk the dog.
My wife is a teacher, she leaves pretty early so I pick up the am responsibilities. She does hers and the kids laundry but is so far behind that it is piling up all over the house. Our bedroom is full of clothing everywhere. I have to scramble every am to find a pair of clean underwear for our daughter and matching socks for both kids if I’m lucky. They are 2 & 4 yrs old. She is so out of focus. She will start cleaning a room, finish 3/4 of it and start something else and never fully finish one thing. Her clothes are everywhere. I filled up 40 lbs of clothing of hers in a huge laundry bag over a week ago, it still hasn’t been washed, maybe a couple of loads have been but there are more of her clothing all over our bathroom and bedroom. We had a good toy storage thing in the living room but she gave it away and never replaced it and now there is no toy storage. And she doesn’t even acknowledge it. Like all this messy chaos that she is causing, she doesn’t have any clue that its her own doing.
I work for a family business where I am starting to resent my father for not retiring or at least cutting back his hours. He is cheap, petty, he lives in a different century and has 0 concept of what things cost. He gives me a hard time for getting in later 9:30ish usually. But there is an admin girl here who answers emails etc. He fights with me about a lot of stupid things. I don’t make nearly enough money to survive. We have a used furniture business, we do sales, prop rentals, clean outs. A good amount of stuff in NYC. Just yesterday I delivered a desk to an asset management firm, after delivering the desk the firm asked us to remove a few old file cabinets and dispose of it. He charged $125.00. It was 4 pieces total. That we need to pay to throw away. And we were in the city for hours. at least 4 hours. So I tell him “your not charging enough, this should be a $250 service minimum. They are a big asset management firm in a very expensive building and you are charging them peanuts while I get paid peanuts” And he see’s it as me complaining that I had to move some file cabinets. I am so beyond fed up with all of this.
I feel like I have no direction, no focus, I’m stressed. beyond stressed. It used to be easy for me to gain clarity in moments of stress but now I feel like I’m drowning in it.
3 comments
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Communication works wonders in relationships. Try and talk about the issues with the mindset that you guys are working together to fix them, not blaming each other. But honestly, working full time with two kids is gonna be chaotic.
Your dad is a grown man and has been taking care of himself his whole life. I’ve never been in your situation, but if his ego is getting in the way of you supporting your family, maybe start looking for another job.
I’d say your focus should be your family, making sure you and your wife are raising your kids right and watching out for each other.
A vacation sounds in order, but if that is unaffordable, maybe just try and spend a lazy Sunday together with your wife and kids watching movies. Order a pizza or two, throw on a movie like Forest Gump. You need time to rest, so does your wife. What better way to do that than spending time with the blessings in your life.
You gotta find a new job, man. The only reason why the business is working, is because you’re working for free. The only person that would do what you do is if it was a last resort.
You’re your own man now. Your priority is your wife and children. If you’re doing something that doesn’t better their life along with yours, then you need to cut it out of your life. That doesn’t mean your Dad, but certainly your Dad’s business. Also, what good is an inheritance if you’re divorced and your kids are teenagers who hate your guts?
Talk to your wife. Tell her, you’re going to get another job but you’re going to need help. That the schedule needs to change, but you’ll do everything you can to still be a partner and a father. Then get that job, because if you waffle or you stick with the family business,then you’re done for.