So, before being with my current bf, I’ve had one serious relationship one another guy. My ex had a lot more sexual experience than me and we used to have sex at least 4-5 times a week. The sex wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great, I very rarely came, but somehow I always wanted more, I was turned on just by being in this guy’s vicinity. He’s now completely out of my life, and I do not regret it at all, because the rest of the relationship was pretty disfunctionnal.
On the other hand, I have been in a loving, way more open and honest relationship with my current bf for more than a year and yet I still feel sexually indifferent to him. We have sex, maybe once a month ? I was my current bf’s first so in the beginning I thought I would be patient. Maybe he was just bad at sex ? But he is a great listener and eager to please, so he now knows exactly how to make me cum and does that each and every time. He has expressed to me that he wants to have sex more. And yet I never feel horny in his presence. Every time I think of something new that might turn me on (like sexual positions, or roleplay) he’s really cooperative and our tastes match pretty well so he’s also into it. But I still can’t pinpoint why, every time I have sex with him, I sort of have to… psych myself up mentally? Give myself some peptalks in my head of why this is a good idea? It never just happens naturally, it’s never effortless like it was with my ex. And I feel shitty comparing these two people in my head like that. I think my boyfriend just thinks I don’t like sex that much, but I do miss having sex all the time! I miss having instant chemistry, feeling shivers down my spine, waking up in the middle of the night just to have sex, abandoning myself to someone else… It’s just that I am never in the mood when I am with him. And I am scared of bringing this up to him because I do not see how this could ever be painless to him.
I love my boyfriend and I really want to have a better sexual relationship with him, but I feel like I am out of ideas. Can anyone give me advice, or at least relate and tell me it’s going to be ok? It’s a sensitive subject and I don’t really know who to turn to. Thank you very much in advance
4 comments
Talking to him about it is going to be more productive
I feel for your boyfriend here and you owe it to him to be honest. It’s not anyone’s fault but a lot of attraction is based around chemistry that can’t be forced. Either it exists or it doesn’t.
Oh geez! Another one that loves her boyfriend but can’t get turned on by him. Break up and search for what you want. You are being a turd by stringing him along!
You either break up and stay friends, or you can try polyamory or an open relationship.