I’m curious fellas, why is it that women can complain that a guy isn’t tall enough, but a guy can’t complain that a woman has put on too much weight?
The man has no say in what height he’ll grow to. However the woman can definitely change her consumption habits.
I know there is a lot of body positivity out there and I’m okay with that to an extent, but what makes it SO okay for a women to openly say a guys gotta be at least 6feet?
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So which one is it. Is it okay for people to have preferences and standards or not? I see this complained about all the time, but then this subreddit turns around and acts like the biggest cardinal sin a woman (or man for that matter) is being overweight.
If we want to complain about double standards, we should make sure we don’t have double standards ourselves.
Who said it’s SO okay? That’s not something I run into. Do you mean on the internet? Where people say the most rude and unhinged shit to each other because they can hide behind a keyboard and a screen?
I mean I think both are legit.
You like what you like, nothing wrong with it.
honestly? because we complain less. a girl on twitter says men under 6 ft arent real men and she gets 100k likes for it and a few of us feel bad and maybe mention it once or twice here but thats that, we just move on. if a guy were to say fat women arent real women and it got 100k likes thered be an entire movement and 10 articles written about the tweet and why its problematic and how women have to constantly go thru such public scrutiny and this and that. they just….complain more honestly. we dont. we get a little annoyed and move on.
I’ve heard lots of men express their preferences (short/tall, skinny/voluptuous, blonde/brunette.. whatever) so I’m not sure there is a double standard. People like what they like and that’s OK.
You absolutely can have standards and express them.
I don’t know where you’re getting that guys have to be with heavy women. They sell shirts and bumper stickers that say ‘No Fat Chicks’ and no ones burning down the factory. If you mean that the heavy women will be angry, then you should know the short guys are also angry and bitter as hell.
I think it happens because ultimately guys are more willing to be flexible when it comes to women, plus there’s plenty of guys out there with a kink for different body types.
Also women are getting more support for being themselves and guys are getting blamed for all the toxic and violent men out there.
I know for me a red flag is when a woman lists all sorts of specific traits their man has to have, and then turns around and says they have to like her the way she is.
People express preferences all the time. I’ve only seen it called out when people have set their expectations a bit high for what they bring to the table. Ex. They’re fat but expect a thin/ripped partner.
If one of my friends said she met a dude she liked but didn’t want to date him because he was 5’9″ I’d tell her she was being stupid. Social media isn’t real, and being rude to people about their appearance isn’t okay.
Guys on this sub complain about obese women all the time.
>a guy can’t complain that a woman has put on too much weight?
what authoritarian dystopia are you living in? you can say this. there may be consequences, but you can say it.
>what makes it SO okay for a women to openly say
the cultural value of free speech.
Historically we’ve put far more pressure on women to be attractive vs men, this compounds over time and in an era where there is a shift in perception there is going to be push back as more and more often the double standard is pointed out when a cultural shift of the onus of attractiveness is present. As women are given more social freedoms and that pressure to always be caked in makeup and dressed to the 9’s lessens, the pressure is more evenly divided onto the men, resulting in a perceived imbalance in the double standard to the opposite of what it once was. Just like back in the 60s and 70s when the pressure was on women to be attractive, the shift has resulted in more pressure in men take an initiative in their appearance to help even the scale.
At the end of the day there’s no point in being a dick to each other about things we cannot change easily or at all, but simply be kind and look for people that you find attractive and that find you attractive. This doesn’t change the fact that people of both genders will, at times, be insensitive to others feelings and reject people for superficial reasons outside of their control, despite other factors that may make them attractive to them.
Fundamentally, every single preference is acceptable, regardless of how stupid and shallow it might be. People only believe that when they’re the ones doing the choosing of partners.
I really only hear about this online and I think both are perfectly valid, people can have tastes, but….sure, let’s accept the premise and theorize. It’s reddit.
If you’re too short, your face is the wrong shape, you’re not they’re preferred complexion, whatever then it’s under no one’s control and no one’s fault. Its an unchangeable factor that doesn’t happen to work, sorry and no hard feelings.
If you’re too fat, then you as a thinking being have made choices that render you unacceptable. It’s tied up not just in your body but your character. Especially if you look at the context around stereotypes for fatter people. They’re dumb, they’re lazy, they don’t get it and are socially inept, they’re sweaty and smelly, whatever. Go look at any of the jokes popping up in comedies or whatever, there’s VERY little in the way of positive association and lots of negatives. So when you tell someone they got too heavy you’re bringing along a whole pile of baggage with the assertion.
Please note that I am not espousing these views merely pointing then out.
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I don’t think either are acceptable. Some people accept it because they’re not good people.
You like what you like but don’t trash someone because you don’t think they’re physically attractive.
It’s hard for me to say it’s a double standard. Can’t go by what you see online because people say a ton of crazy, unacceptable shit online. I’m obviously in my own bubble, as is everyone else. In my own circle of friends, neither would be acceptable to say outright. Either one would be acceptable if couched in diplomatic language. Ex. “I prefer a guy to be taller than me,” or “I want a woman who can do my active hobby with me.” I think most people are smart enough to keep hurtful preferences to themselves. No one is REQUIRED to say “I don’t date fat chicks,” all you really need to do is not go out with fat chicks. You can give a vague reason or even a white lie if someone asks why you aren’t interested in a specific person.
What are you looking for here?
“Can’t complain” yes, anyone can, and others are free to respond however they want
Acceptable to whom? Why does that even matter?
The reality is that dating has always been, and always will be, full of double standards. Because men and women are not all the same.
It is not fair, but it is real that men have things to overcome in terms of dating that women do not. And it does men no good to lament that women can do this or don’t have to do that.
Here’s the real talk that men aren’t getting enough- dating will be very stressful and difficult. It always has been. And it is something you should learn how to do in life, as growing up is basically doing stressful and difficult shit until you get better at it, and then you can stand up strong and be a man.
There is no easy way out. Let women worry about what women need to do. You worry about what you need to do, and don’t bitch about what is fair or not fair, it is what it is, and it will never ever be fair.
Accept what is and make a plan to move forward.
You’re allowed to have preferences. If a woman wants a tall guy, then that’s valid. If a guy doesn’t want to date a bigger girl, then that is valid as well. Now, if you’re openly insulting or degrading someone because of their body style, that’s not cool. If someone is body shaming someone else, then they probably have a lot of body dysmorphia issues of their own. That or they’re just an asshole of a person. I do agree to some degree that obese people can always make a change to be healthier, but they could have mental health struggles you don’t know about. They could have some underlying condition that you can’t see. My MiL ended up having a thyroid problem when she turned 40. She was thin before but suddenly ballooned up to like 250 lbs in less than a year. She’s only 5’1 “and very petite, so gaining probably more than 100 lbs was very hard for her, but she had no control over that. She’s got it in check now and exercises regularly and eats better, but she’ll never be the weight she was before. You never know what’s going on with someone so it’s best not to judge.
Look at how many average guys are dating beautiful girls. How many ugly girls do you see dating hot guys? You’re completely wrong about this “double standard.”
No women I have interacted with have turned down a fella for his height alone. Sure Ive seen guys get rejected because the party they were after didn’t find them attractive, Hell the guy I know that has notched his post the most comes up to my chest and Im not tall. Height is a singular facet in what makes you attractive, a singular facet among a score of others.
And what do you mean by complaining that a woman has put on too much weight, cause Ive turned down women because I wasnt attracted to them due to their size But I never worded it in a way that was an insult and I think that may be what you are trying to say women do, Which I just have never seen. Like I know it happens but I think you may be over representing the prevalence of it.
this is a made up problem. like seriously, what world do you live in where fat women do not get shit about their weight?
It’s about tact and flexibility, if someone has 9/10 things you’re after would you really turn him or her down for being not *quite* your desired height or build?
Nobody is stopping you from not dating fat chicks, man.
Men have been complaining about women’s appearance since the dawn of time. You just don’t experience it firsthand so you don’t notice it.
Women generally don’t say or think that way. It’s a trend amongst toxic social media obsessed people. Date anyone not on apps and you’ll never hear about it.
As a woman on dating apps, plenty of men say that they want a ‘fit’ or ‘healthy’ body type. They don’t usually say ‘no fatties’ but I have definitely seen it put that bluntly. I’m not sure where you are getting that men can’t say this. They literally say it all the time. If you want to say it with no pushback, that is not going to happen. Just like women who have a height requirement get pushback. That’s life.
Women are endlessly criticized for being so much as barely 5 pounds “overweight”. Both on this subreddit and elsewhere.
Premise of your question is nonsense.
This is asked a million times, and the answer isn’t gonna change. Women are petty and picky, men are desperate and horny. Life isn’t fair.
This again?
Because maybe if you are 5’10 woman you want to make sure that the guy is at least your height?
Feel as though you’re allowed to have your preferences, its just you become an asshole when you say you’ll only date that particular preference.
It’s the difference between “I prefer taller guys” and “I won’t date under 5’9”
It goes for any of the superficial stuff like weight, style, hair colour or race.
In my opinion you should be able to do this for beliefs, values and lifestyle as that is more a compatibility issue that could cause problems in the relationship.
You can’t choose what you’re attracted to.
That’s pretty much the end of the conversation.
Height preference for men often gets equated to BMI preference for women because they both often pop up as easily quantifiable gender-respective-trending shallow indicators of dating success. However, I agree with you that it’s a bit unfair to directly equate the two because a better comparison for height preference would be something more invariant and less related to qualities/lifestyle like women’s boob size.
Also I think I’ve seen about a million comments saying it’s okay to have preferences. I agree but it’s also okay to have an opinion. I think it’s incredibly shallow to filter out a man just by his height or a woman just by her boob size. There’s so much more to a person than their height or their boobs. If you’re struggling with finding quality in dating it should be okay to suggest realistic expectations for height and boob size. It’s weird that simply encouraging realistic physical expectations gets demonized so much.
The funny thing is, is that we have this same thing in the gay community. “no femmes” or “masc only” will get you crucified and not even allowed on most gay dating platforms anymore. But “femme only” or “no masc” is perfectly ok.
And in both gay and straight cases, “white only” will get you kicked off any dating platform, labeled a nazi white supremecist, but “black/asian/latino/etc only” is 100% ok. And we cannot even bring up the fact that fetishizing someone’s race is just as racist as rejecting it.
It all just makes 0 sense.
A woman can lose weight, but it’s not to be suggested.
A short man cannot grow taller, but is reminded of it constantly.
Everyone is allowed to have their preferences and even deal breakers.
But people that purposely want to hurt other (probably to project on them any hurtful feedback they’ve gotten and get “revenge”) are assholes and should be called out, whether male or female.
I only date tall women. (5’9″ and above) When women hear that they lose their shit, then post “I need a man with a 6 pack, six feet tall, and six figures!” The irony eludes them.
its because when a man is called short he accepts it as true
and when a woman is called fat she complains and whines and makes you the bad guy.
alot of double standards are actually due to men accepting and women complaining.