On our last trip to my girlfriend’s hometown, we (both 30+) stayed with her parents for about a week. Since she had convinced her parents to let us sleep in the same room, we tried to experiment with having sex at midnight. She was very cautious, and I could sense that she was not comfortable, even though she had checked twice to ensure the door was locked. I asked her why she was so nervous. She replied that she was afraid of being caught by her parents and having them see that she was being ~~treated badly/poorly during sex~~ (or treated in a vulnerable position) fucked. We finished quickly and didn’t attempt it in the remaining nights. I am a little confused.
Do women feel that they seem weak in a relationship from their parent’s perspective? Or what am I missing? Was someone once on the same boat and could share their experiences with me?
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“being treated badly/poorly during sex” Unless you’re getting all kinky and into BDSM (I know, you weren’t lol) I have no clue what she meant by that. Sounds like you need to ask for an explanation.
Sounds like having sex at her parents home causes her stress and anxiety. Why not just not have sex there? Surely you can go a week without it.
30+ and had to convince her parents to stay in the same room?
The wife won’t have sex while we are at her parents place
I’ve got this.
It’s entirely mental. It’s not about HOW you are having sex, it’s about the negative connotation of her man asking for sex while at her parents place. It’s “disrespectful” of her and her parents. Therefore she’s being treated badly because what respectful man would let that happen to a woman he loves?
This isn’t true in every home, depends on the culture and such.
It could just be her fear of letting her folks hear/see her in that kind of relationship. It’s not something most parents are cool with so I get it.
It could also be that her parents view sex as procreation only not pleasure and that its not a need or disrespectful with people around or they didn’t talk about sex much and she just doesn’t want her parents to know she enjoys sex kinda thing. I wouldn’t think too much into at all most people don’t want their parents hearing them have sex where ever they are
I’m pretty open with mine and I still have anxiety even though I know I’d be ok if they knew it’s just embarrassing and awkward for other people to know I just had sex. Even friends or siblings I don’t want them knowing during the act
And to the people saying you can go without it yeah you can but sometimes you’re just horny and want to have sex that’s a normal human thing and it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you’re alone in the room I say it’s fair game!
Its really normal to feel uncomfortable having sex at your parents house. Especially if walls are thin and you’re not sure if they’re really sleeping. You have to be super cautious and quiet and all. Obviously thats not gonna be good sex. So why dont just wait until you get back home.
I wouldn’t want to have sex where my parents could possibly hear me. Major turn off.
Obviously it’s natural and they know it happens. But that doesn’t mean they need to hear or see it.
> She replied that she was afraid of being caught by her parents and having them see that she was being treated badly/poorly during sex
What? Do you treat her badly/poorly during sex or does she just think you do? That’s the bigger problem here.
We’ve been married over 40 years and have had stays at in-laws house an average of 6 times a year and I don’t think we’ve had sex there more than 3 or 4 times in all those years. She just doesn’t feel comfortable doing it there.
I do not feel comfortable having sex in my parents home especially if they are there. I have been married for 10 years now and have an 8 and 5 year old. So they know we have sex. It’s an anxiety and cultural thing for me. It would be best to talk to her about it. And honestly, I’d say just respect her wishes. It has happened a couple times where I say fuck it let’s just do it real quick and very quietly! It doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll never, ever happen..
Had a weird and fun experience once where we both agreed to fuck on their bed and then in the father’s office.
It’s very fair to be concerned that your parents might hear you having sex at any age.
Is the sex aggressive or demeaning? The mention of specifically her concern being that she’s being treated poorly during is something that you two should discuss.
Are there hotels nearby that you both can stay at? That way everyone has a space they can retreat to at the end of the day.
Otherwise, if she doesn’t want to have sex in the house then you’re just going to have to go without for a week so she can be at ease.
I will start this out by saying me an my wife have been in this same situation and her mother just told her to make sure she was on birth control then proceeded to tell us that from her perspective it sounded like my wife had some of the best sex of her life an gave me a high five. Now whenever my mother in-law gets a chance to say or ask something about it she does . She has even asked me to tell her boyfriend how I make sex feel so amazing
Its a respect thing… I wouldnt feel comfortable having sex in my parents house
Yeah I have had sex once I think in my parents house when they were home and I will never do it again. The fact that **I know** that they know I’m having sex is enough to make me unable to enjoy the sex, and I only want to have sex that I enjoy!
Surely other adults expect that most folks shag every day.I don’t get how there could be an issue
Anything that causes anxiety or discomfort for either of you in a voluntary optional activity should be avoided. End of story.
Who said women feel weak? It could be just a feeling of it being awkward, uncomfortable, or a tuen-off knows one’s parents are nearby or can hear them having sex.
Enjoy cuddling, being close, talking until midnight. Building sexual tension.
She might feel more comfortable with future visits but it’s normal
Reading through your replies, it sounds like your girlfriend’s parents likely have pretty conservative views around sex and that gives her some anxiety having them KNOW she is having sex. I’m around the same age as you and your wife and as a female who grew up in a very conservative area and there was a lot of stigma in general around female enjoyment of sexual acts. Like sex was for male pleasure and females were just there to make the man satisfied. You were viewed as a slut at school of you admitted to masturbating as a female, while it was totally normal and expected for males to masturbate all the time and talk about it. I started dating my husband my last year of high school (I was 18 at the time, he’s a couple years older than me and lived alone) and my parents would let me go to his house to hang out but absolutely not stay the night because he would try to have sex with me (their words). Like we weren’t already having sex every time I went over there and could only have sex if I *slept* there lol makes sense right. Anyway, it sounds to me like she grew up with similar outside views put on her and that makes her uncomfortable being sexual in close proximity to her parents.
My family stayed with my in laws while our new home was being built for 5 months. 3 kids in one attic bedroom and wife and I in another. We turned 2 fans on high and went for it twice per week. It was great!
That’s so disrepctful.. at least get a room somewhere.
My mom never cared about how loud she was when I was younger so idgaf
I think you’re rude. Many older people are not comfortable with their children fucking in their home. I’m a dad, and I can tell you it’s weird. Maybe it’s because at some level we always see our children as children.
On top of that, she was clearly uncomfortable, and you didn’t play the gentleman and give her an out.
You asked if you missed anything? How about common social cues?
It’s a major turn off for me to have sex when people are around in the house (except if it’s a big house)
For some, the risk of being caught is a huge turn on. Although getting caught is rarely a turn on!!
Americans are weird about sex. They make it all about shame, and disgust. Think about this, there is a whole trope about “disappointing my dad” that women have to deal with, even though… what is the disappointment of having sex? Literally everyone on earth is here because two other people had sex, their parents included.
I would try to explain how natural sex is, that her parents probably had it while they were there, and that they probably knew you were going to have it since you were both in the singular room. If you are 30+, her parents are not young, nor naive about happens when the door is closed.
If she doesn’t change after a conversation, let it be. Some people are a little weird about it, and that’s just how they are. Definitely talk to her, though. That’s what it means to be in an adult relationship. Having hard conversations.
Jesus.. “you finally convinced her parents to let you sleep in the same room”. And you can’t then respect her parents enough to not have sex in their house? It’s only a week. You can’t make it a week? She was obviously uncomfortable about it, but not only did you insist on continuing when she was clearly uncomfortable now you are making a post about like she’s the one with the issue. Nice respectful guy you are. 🤣
Her reasoning really doesn’t make any sense, but it *is* normal for it to be a turnoff knowing your parents could overhear something.
tbh I’m confused on why TF she had to “CONVINCE” your parents to let you sleep in the same room??? you’re not kids??
Yah bc as a rule don’t have sex in her parents house it’s disrespectful imho
Plus her old teddy bear Mr. Frumples was watcher from the corner…he sort of wrecks the mood.
My wife and i before we were married used to fuck nearly every night we were there, eventually we built another room seperate from the house as her mum very kindly asked us to as they could here us fucking hahahaha, i was embarrassed, my partner not so much she didnt care
Be as loud as possible to assert dominance
Well, I would’t be relaxed at my parents house. I’m not afraid, just not comfortable. On the other hand, I don’t mind getting fucked at his parents house 🙂
Are you dense? It’s not that complicated man she understandably doesn’t want her parents to hear her getting railed out, or a bed slamming into a wall or have her mom/dad accidentally open the door while you’re piledriving her from behind with her ass up in the air. You’re really overthinking this.
Have her give you a silent BJ. Eat her out, whatever. It’s pretty easy to come up with a plan.
Knowing your daughter with 2 kids obviously has sex is one thing.
Hearing her getting rammed next room is another.
Why would anyone want for their parents to see that, male or female?
I would be more concerned as to why she suggested something she felt uncomfortable about in the first place.
As a partner I would let her know she can be comfortable with her body and you will fully support her around her parents.
At 30+ why is she having to convince her parents of anything? That’s a little odd. Perhaps there are some control issues that need to be remedied.
Women in heterosexual relationships get fucked. It’s a naturally submissive position. Obviously there are a million variations on this and it’s much more complicated, but in a very basic PIV sense, you are being fucked by someone else. I definitely feel like I’m giving up some of my usual agency and way of being in the world for this kind of pleasure sometimes.
Not exactly in the same boat as you, but in a similar reverse situation.
I have never gotten along with my parents, they were not nice people. But since they were family, my wife encouraged me to visit them for the holidays (this was years ago, before I learned that you can cut out toxic people from your life.) At the time, we had been married for only a year or so.
When we got there, the house was filled with extended family lots of barely edible food, a bunch of racial slurs and the possibility of a fist fight breaking out. We had arranged before we arrived that we would be staying over at my parents house and leaving a couple of days later.
But my mother made it perfectly clear that in no uncertain terms that my *wife* and I would not be allowed to share a room or a bed together under her roof. We were married, and had been married for only 13 or 14 months at that point, I had every intention of fucking my wife in my old bedroom, if only to fulfill a bunch of adolescent fantasies I had masturbated to when I was a teen.
Instead, we found a hotel and left the next morning.
I did eventually get to have sex in my old bedroom with my wife at a later time when we were there for my father’s funeral. My mother wasn’t staying at home, because she was so stressed about him dying there.
For various reasons unrelated to this, the opportunity to have sex in my wife’s family’s house has never come up, so I don’t really know *her* perspective on this, though I doubt she’d have a problem with it. Since she had sex with boyfriends in her mother’s house before she moved out on her own.
Shake her dads hand and tell him she can call him dad and you daddy so you don’t get confused as a power move
It’s a mental thing. It’s weird and uncomfortable having sex in your parents house. You’re not sure if anybody can hear you. If it’s my own house or a hotel, I can be as loud as I want. My parents? Nah don’t even wanna think about it.
Some people are just weird about that. My ex husband was in his 40s and wouldn’t have sex at his parents house. He just felt it was disrespectful.
I mean come on buddy it’s kinda gross to be banging it out with the fam in the next room. Not understanding this suggests you belong in horny jail
In a sense I get the “being treated poorly”. Culturally being penetrated is seen as being submitted, even a form of humiliation and degradation. That’s why so many jokes reference it, like when someone takes advantage of you the saying is “I got fucked in my ass” or a variation of it. Or rape jokes, when a man hates on a woman (that treated him bad) I have heard them say she deserves to be raped, seeing the act of penetration as a punishment. Or porn, which teaches men to be violent to women during sex (and sadly many think this is the way to have sex).
Even if sex is consented, for women and people that love them the concept of them being penetrated is associated to be a victim.
But idk. That’s the way I see it and why for women sex could be publicly seen as humiliating.