This is probably an age old question so I apologise in advance, but how do I tactfully explain to my girlfriend that I actually like her the way she is?

She’s very critical of her physique because she used to be overweight but grew up to have a hourglass figure despite not working out to any major extent. A guy would call her thick, but I understand that can be derogatory to some women. She basically has a bit of fat in all the right places and a big bossom. Her opinion on her butt is actually fairly positive compared to the rest of her body, but she always says “it could be better” every time I compliment her on it. She hates her tummy despite her having a flat stomach and keeps mentioning “fat folds” which is just really her skin wrinkling as she turns her upper body.

My intention isn’t to objectify her. Our relationship is just very physical and I want to show her I appreciate her for her looks as well. Her previous partners didn’t appreciate that about her in the past which I can’t even begin to comprehend.

Is there a way I can approach this more tactfully and most importantly in a manner that will yield better results for her? Should I even push the issue? Even though it’s a sensitive topic for her, she’s never scolded me for doing it in the past or had anything negative to say.

2 comments
  1. External validation won’t fix body dysmorphia or poor self-esteem. Your opinion isn’t really relevant.

  2. As someone who also has had a very difficult relationship to her body, sometimes it’s not even about the body at all – its about feeling feeling worthy and lovable as a person.

    It’s really sweet you’re trying to reassure her and be there for her.

    What was most helpful for me at my worst times was hearing my loved ones say “I don’t see you the way you’re seeing you right now. I love you as you are.”

    You may have to check in with her about this, to be clear. And she may have to do some internal work to support her own sense of esteem. But the crux of it really is: “I love you, I’m here for you, your body cannot change my love for you, I love you for more than your body.”

    Maybe ask her what physical features she likes about herself?

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like