Like I said in the title I’ve got this friend who I’ve known forever and we’ve been in this clique of dudes who hang out together for about two years now (he’s known them since highschool) we’re both 21 now Anyways he’s not the quickest guy but has his moments and is extremely loyal and fun to be around. However he’s often joked about more than everyone else, and it’s only increasing every week. Part of it is because he doesn’t hang out as much as he used to do to a bush schedule but a lot of it is because sometimes he’s a bit lazy frustrating and doesn’t care how he dresses. He told me awhile ago that he was annoyed at how much shit the other guys were giving him, and I tried to give him advice to shi talk back but he’s not the most quick witted when stoned which he usually is when hanging out. I just don’t know how to help the guy and I’m starting to feel pretty guilty abt joining in on joking abt him. I didn’t know he was taking it personally until lately, and wanna try to fix it. Anybody have any advice that may help
2 comments
Some of those things sound like symptoms of depression to me, and it’s possible that these jokes might be stacking up on top of other things that he may be quietly dealing with.
Maybe have a conversation in confidence with your other friends explaining how their actions may be impacting him on a level they aren’t percieving.
Well, I wouldn’t go on to diagnose a friend with depression, and I wouldn’t disclose that to anyone else. That’s really fucked up. Just like any other mental disease like addiction, depression is the person’s own business to work out with an experienced professional. Maybe ASK if he thinks he’s depressed. Maybe he needs help on a professional level, maybe he just needs a little insight from a friend’s perspective.
I would however, defend your friend. You can simply say to the ones making fun, that you realized it’s not okay to do that. Or find out why they keep doing that. “Why do you keep making fun of John? Are you obsessed with him?” “Look at you, you’ve got xyz going on.” Some people do things mindlessly, and will correct their actions by exercising mindfulness. They are possibly not mature enough to see that yet. All people have problems, but the ones targeting others have the real mental dysfunction. If they don’t change their actions, they aren’t mature enough to be good friends. Now your friend with possible depression should be talked to in another way. You can try to help, but the work must come from himself. I would just address the other friends first, so you don’t look like a hypocrite.