Hi all, first post here! I’ll try to summarize – had a great connection with a guy and things moved really quickly.
I have recently ended my first and only LTR- and have felt nothing but relief in walking away. I moved back in with family and have been couch surfing and visiting friends and traveling and having a lot of fun.
After this, I have developed feelings for someone new.
It hit slowly and then all at once. We realized we liked each other and talked about it and struggled to give each other space, and neither of us wanted to.
Probably moved a little too fast after my breakup with my ex, but we both felt just right and easy and natural.
Talked for hours nearly every day on the phone the week after we met. Phone calls from 1 hour to 3 hours to 4 hour long phone calls about life, everything and nothing. Then started hanging out a little bit- and since have been hanging out more and more and naturally the phone calls have weaned off and things have started to calm down.
But I of course have moments I feel bereft of that initial intoxicating getting to know someone in such an exciting and eager way. Since then, we are become aware of each others worst habits or negative self talks- and he is definitely seeming to notice my anxious over thinking/worrying/stressing about especially relationships.
We both want to try to take things slow but neither seem to totally want to take things to a “new level” or anything.
But we both still want to talk daily, and hang out just about as often as we can.
It feels great/ and being around this person has been so calming and relaxing and fun and good. I’m glad to have pursued this.
But now when I am away I have anxiety that I’m being too clingy by wanting to reach out.
In addition- I am in transition of moving places, and decided to consider moving to the city he lives in. He’s been supportive the whole process, helping me look for places and taking me to every open house and seems happy about me coming to live in his area.
But without the verbal affirmation of “I want you to move near me and see you more” I have my doubts and concerns that he doesn’t feel the same way about that.
To be clear, I’ve been visiting him for the last three months, and he’s been encouraging me to stay as long as I can and to keep coming back, and in this 3 month span I’ve been staying at his place for 6-7 weeks.
I want to keep seeing him but staying at his place feels too much too fast to continue- and I need my own space and to not keep couch surfing!
So I feel great about getting my own place nearby and having autonomy with that… and yet I am finding that I’m second guessing his interest, and my own decision to move to his city before I even move!
I spoke about this with my therapist and she thinks I need to get out of my own way and let myself both be happy and enjoy a normal relationship with ups and downs and to enjoy the balance and life I can and am creating.
He’s been supportive and listens and responds through this all- answers calls immediately, makes himself available whenever and is always willing to make the effort to do anything I’m interested in. It’s been so refreshing and kind and delightful. And without any details , the intimacy has been off to a great start.
I guess- I feel like I am not healthily participating nor able to be a supportive and healthy partner yet. And yet I want to.
And I am enjoying this so much and want to get out of my own way. Last night I called him and talked through some things I went through with my day after leaving his place this morning and driving to stay with my parents and communicated that I was worried I was being clingy by moving to his city and he said “I think you’re overthinking.”
I laughed and said I agreed but that i didn’t know what to say to that or make of that statement. I guess I’m fully aware I over think and angst over many minute interactions – positive and negative, in a relationship. I am so tired of this.
Therapy once per week helps. Talking to others helps (sometimes). But I feel fucking obsessive! It’s tiring!
My life is so much more robust than just a relationship and I don’t want to be wrapped up in my head like this!
I have a remote job I love, have great friends and a loving family, I just got a cool apartment on my own for the first time, and am excited about where my life is going without feeling stressed about it. In general I feel healthier about everything.
And I am okay with things not working out with this new person but I also think I am already afraid to lose this new person in my life that I am having such a good time getting to know and simply be around. I’ve never felt this comfortable around a person before. Two days after I met them, I told everyone I met my best friend. It was half joking but it feels like the best friendship I’ve ever made and so quickly. And neither of us have had this kind of instant and consistent connection with anyone before. There’s something about the way we are comfortable with each other that feels so good and does feel a bit special.
But in this- in relationships, I am a critical worrier and over thinker, and clearly think WAY too much.
Please help 🙃