I always find myself struggling to find something to talk about, especially with people I haven’t known or been close to for very long
For example, when i’m with my uni friends walking somewhere, I often find myself with 1 or 2 other people not talking, meanwhile the other part of the group ahead/behind us is having an entertaining conversation
This happens when i’m 1-on-1 with people too, and my ex gf would even comment on it saying I never talk and if she never initiated conversations we would just always be silent
How do people do it? I don’t have a boring life at all, but sometimes I feel that way bc I just cannot remember fun things in my life at the moment and talk about them. Is there something wrong with my brain? Any tips?
10 comments
Been there my friend, honestly it’s a bit of trial and error when it comes to these convos. You have to think of things that might be relevant to the audience you are in, and hope they spur conversation.
One key is understanding that WHAT you’re saying isn’t nearly as important as HOW you’re saying it. But beyond that, all you have to do is take what *they* are saying and LINK to it with a relevant comment, question or insight of your own. For your part, you don’t need anything hugely fascinating, just anything from your life that’s: interesting, funny, entertaining, heart-warming, informational, weird, human interest, whatever. It can even be something you saw online. (For me it’s cat stories, traffic weirdness and cooking triumphs/disasters) So try to NOTICE these things when they happen, and write a few notes on a pad or in your phone to help you remember. Then review it before you go out to socialize so you always have 2-3 things you could bring up in a convo.
Here’s something I wrote to help you:
###[How To Banish Boring Conversations](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/11eb4g8/how_to_banish_boring_conversations/)
Half of success is a genuine will to maintain a conversation. The second one is a practice of reading the context: what you have in common, person’s mood, place, time etc. I suppose this is enough.
I think people just verbalize the thoughts they have in their minds, whereas people who are more socially anxious and closed off will not want to share just anything on their mind
OMG, I feel this so hard. I also have quite interesting hobbies , interests and stuff like that, but never manage to use some interesting talk in the right time. I think that most people are dumb and can’t understand that not everyone is (have ability /need to be by default) talkative all the time. Sometimes when I meet some really interesting man or woman, I can deeply talk. But not with every random person on the street like everyone else. Anothet thing is fear that I would say something that will complicate my further situations…for instance, I didn’t know what to talk with my coworker…than he asked me about my phone, than I lied to him that my phone battery died just to add something interesting to a conversation…than I needed to listen to him next 2 hours how I am a bussines person and how I shouldn’t let this happen and how he will find some guy in the repair shop who will fix my phone etc.
People always have something to talk about because they are constantly experiencing something in their lives. If I were to ask about how someone’s day went, I’d either get a simple answer like, “Good”, or something more complicated and coherent. The way that the conversation would go would be by both sides’ reaction and response.
They either consume a lot of media that they know people they are talking to (or people in general) will love or they go to a conversation with ice breakers in mind.
They also are very good and remembering previous conversations so if the current conversation becomes dry, they can resume the previous conversation.
They also have a way of talking about other conversations they have with other people and know which topics from those interactions that the current conversational partner would like.
I would suggest to you to not only walk into a conversation with ice breakers in mind but if you end up having an interesting conversation with someone, note it so you can continue it later. Or just bring it up to a new conversational partner.
All the best!
Just try to stay on. Try to stay alive my friend. You’re not a passanger unless you let yourself be. Turn the conversation into a game, not necessarily about points but how much you can fish. Every new thing you say is a new catch, some things are guppies, others are bass. Keep throwing your lines
There is always something to discuss and talk about. The key to finding it in a 1 on 1 conversation is to find the mutual interests of both of you and try to talk about it. Eventually the conversation is going to develop and you can do it easily by slightly changing the topic. It’s not like changing the topic but more like changing the discussed thing in the same topic. I am sure that you can find something in common because we are people and we experience a lot of things and most of our life backgrounrs are diverse but surely we all can find something in common. And even if you can’t find something to talk about you can always tell something interesting from your life and see how the conversation goes.
you can voice something you notice, and go from there. for example : what lovely weather we have today!! it’s very sunny, unlike yesterday. it was pouring SO hard to the point that i cancelled my plan!!! i hate it
definitely be authentic and don’t lie to them. just go with the flow and don’t force it. you need to talk about your life a little, as superficial and pointless as it may seem