My wife just bought a house in her name. She have been wanting this for a while. Me (on the other hand preferred to keep renting as our rent are very low (lower that the new mortgage). And that we have been speaking about relocate to my home-country. Furthermore my job-situation is not stable for the time being and I do not want to compromise on a mortgage .
So my wife found a house and took the decision to buy without agreeing with me. Arguing that as I never took a decision to do so with her, she could not wait any longer. I already told her it did not make sense for me to buy in her country due to our situation.
Basically I am okay that she buy a house in her name, with her own money, but she still expect that I will be paying the mortgage completely.
On the other hand I neither had any desire to move (we just moved 1.5 years ago into a good house with very low rent).
Important information is that I am making much more money than she do (6 times more). I have normally been paying almost everything (rent, car, vacation, food). She is paying utilities as water, gas and electricity. I did also pay her debt once we got together. As Well as i have been spending more money on her (gifts) than myself doing our 8 years together.
We do not combine finances. And legally each will maintain own assets in case of a divorce.
The money is not the main issue for me. The problem is that she takes a decisión without agreeing with me first. And also that she take it for granted that I will have to pay. Finally I am worried that this will continue to happen going forward (that she takes decisions without me).
Dl;dr We have not been able to agree, and have been arguing hard over this. I have a hard time accept and move on. Do I accept to move house and pay the mortgage ? Or do I refuse and stay where I am?
Thanks for your feedback.
26 comments
Yes it will continue to happen!!
Your wife is a genius. You pay for everything and she realized she can purchase an appreciating asset in her name while you pay for it!!
Edit: had written gf instead of wife
Tell her her house, her mortgage, her responsibility because you’re not paying for a house that doesn’t have your name on it.
I think you should refuse and dont pay for anything. If you agreed then she would definitely keep making major decisions without talking with you. From the limited information in your post, it does sound like she’s really taking your money for granted and there might be some degree of gold digging.
If you agree to it then the house should be only in your name since you would be paying for all of it or at the very least in both your names but that seems like a bad idea.
Get a divorce. This is financial infidelity. No reason to stay with her she will just escalate towards taking more and more of what she perceives is her own property. She wants you to be her slave.
So, she is buying things in her name and you are paying for them? She’s a genius.
You don’t pay dividends on a house…
It’s called a mortgage
If you get your name added to the deed, maybe consider it.
Youre married, its legally your house as well in most places whether your name is on it or not. Pay the mortgage and atop being a baby about her obtaining assets that will help stabilize your future. Worst case scenario you can rent it out if you lose your job and have an asset that pays for itself.
You’re being taken advantage of, she bought a house and you make the payment?!?!? And if you divorce she gets the house that she never paid a mortgage for?
If your finances are separate, then just let her know you didn’t agree to buy a house so making the payment is not your responsibility.
So you’ve been paying for everything and she saved a down payment? Good for her I guess.
Offer to pay her half of her mortgage as rent (and create a written agreement!). All other house expenses (insurance, taxes, improvements, etc) are hers to pay – that’s her asset to maintain. All other expenses – groceries, utilities, vacations, etc – should be split 80/20 – or in other words by the ratio of your income to hers.
If it’s a no from her, move on and stop acting like a doormat.
Sounds like this house is a symptom of many other marital problems.
Tell her you will pay half of the old rent to her and she can cover the rest lol.
This is a raw deal if I’ve ever seen one. She just bought an asset that will go up in value as it ages and you’re just stuck renting. She also just straight up made the choice to do so without even speaking to you before doing so AND she put it in her name only which means only she benefits. She’s screwing you over in your face.
On top of that, depending on what country you live in that house isn’t just hers even if it only has her name. It becomes property of the marriage since she purchased it after you got married (again depending on where you are and where you marriage is legally recognized)
You’re in a relationship with someone that’s 100% okay with treating your finances like “My husband’s money is OUR money, My money is MY money”, she’s also very entitled to your finances and used your finances to pay off her debt. You set yourself up to get milked like the finest of cows my boy
Refuse and stay where you are. I would reconsider this marriage if I were you. Shes mightily disrespectful to you.
Tell her, if your name isn’t on the home, you are not paying for it. She wants you to pay for the house and did it on her own.
I think it is time to decide is the marriage worth fighting for at this point.
My X wife did this for 20yrs. I had to work two jobs because she quit her job a year after we married “without telling me”, my paychecks went into HER account and we never had more than $20.00 even though i made $130K a year ( early 2000’s ). She went shopping eating out and made major purchases for MLM schemes dozens of times. She wouldnt discuss it, I finally left after 20yrs with 80K in her credit card debt, no 401K and tens of thousands of dollars in loans she took out for “weekend retreats”.
Don’t pay a dime unless you get your name on that lease. If you do, that money is gone.
The number one reason people divorce is due to money.
She sees you as an open wallet and continues to financially abuse you.
Unless she is a sex goddess or something, I would refuse to pay the mortgage and divorce. If she is a sex goddess, I would think about it.
She should rent the new house out to pay for the mortgage. It’s still a good asset for her and keeps you from having to pay for her house.
You should sell the house
Her house, her mortgage. Or tell her you won’t pay until you’re on the deed.
Don’t pay a cent on this house. You’re being taken for a ride.
Buy a Porsche or a Ferrari and ask her to pay for the monthly payment, see how she reacts
I think it’s time to divorce
Yeah – just get the divorce over and done with. No happy healthy couple does this – she buys a house in her name and expects you to pay??????
Well OP guess what? She knows that you are a sucker and will pay the mortgage. Free money. It is either the Mortgage payment or divorce settlement. If she blatantly went and bought property (which is a big decision), she’ll keep doing such acts in the future. Be prepared for it…