How do I cope with the shame from incessantly comparing myself to my more successful new partner?

TL;DR: I often feel shame when I hear about my new partner’s college experience (I’m a freshman dropout), friendships (I’m bad at forming and maintaining, with ADHD), passion for their work (see: dropout), and other core insecurities of mine. We are the strongest relationship either of us has ever experienced, but this core issue of shame holds me back from being present and open to listening to and empathizing with their experiences when I’m caught-up in negative thought-loops. I go to therapy and don’t want to burden my partner with each individual instance of my shame, but what are some ways I could go about coping with this, knowing I really, really feel a strong connection, and I can be a good partner (when I’m not wallowing in my own anxious thought patterns)?

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I (NB, 22) have been dating my new partner (NB, 22) for about 2 months now, and it’s been off to a great start… for the most part. We have incredible chemistry, better communication that any previous couple we’ve been in, and can have conversations with great humor, intellect, and emotional depth. We feel able to truly be ourselves around each-other, and have expressed our love verbally.One issue, though, comes in the form of my personal self-doubt. Neither of us claims to be healed from trauma of course, and they cope with wounds similar to my own. But one issue I notice is how when certain topics come up, especially if I’m having a rough go of it mentally, I beat myself up for not being as good as them.

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For context: I dropped-out from college my freshman year (pre-ADHD diagnosis) at the start of the pandemic, all whilst getting dumped (ouch). I struggle to this day to find purpose or meaning in my life. I’m always hopping from one dead-end job to the next, whilst I’m barely able to bring myself study my IT course, through which I can have a job I probably won’t care about, but that won’t make my back and feet toil-away in such agony. I struggle to maintain friendships, and have difficulty keeping up with my passions like making music, writing, or exercising.

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Meanwhile, they are incredibly hard-working, to a point some may say even to a fault. Part of why I admire them so much is they have a career in a medical field that they are incredibly passionate about. They have told me stories of how from a young age, they’ve become accustomed to taking care of people because their parents didn’t give the time and love they needed, and they became their brother‘s and their own parent. And through this, they’ve touched so many people’s lives, and although I would do anything, truly, to take away these traumatic experiences they’ve faced, they’ve been emboldened by them to keep pushing to make an impact on so many people’s lives. On top of a 45+hour/week job, they constantly are dog-sitting to earn cash, saving money living at home while giving money to worthy causes, and planning for large, long-term investments like P.A. school, a new car, and trips to Arizona to see a best friend of theirs.

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But regrettably, when I hear about this, I‘m so often filled with a sense of, well, uselessness? I feel ungrateful for my often shitty childhood (long story lmao), even though both of us have valid, unique struggles. In these moments I feel a deep shame, and as usual, running through my head, “I’m not doing anything to help anyone, I’m not filled with a sense of purpose. I don’t travel, I don’t have strong friendships I maintain with two practically-sisters, or others, or have a direction in life, or have any sense that I’m progressing most of the time, or use-well what talents I do have!” …and I know that, while not all these are absolute truths, they are incredibly difficult to cope with. When I hear about their awesome study-abroad trip in Germany, I don’t want to constantly have to fight the thought of “Oh man, they actually went to a different country, or even on a vacation, period? Oh, they graduated from college, and made life-long friends while there? Why am I such a useless failure, bet I’ll always be stuck in a shitty apartment with a shitty car, fall into debt and become disabled and die alone.” Although it’s usually more abstract and not so utterly to-the-bone, that’s the feeling it gives me. And it’s the fact that I was always told there’s so much “potential” in me, but that I don’t try. It’s the fact that I saw my great test marks, and admiration from peers and tutors, only to disappoint them when I can’t maintain the way others are able to.… it just triggers at one of my core wounds.

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Now, I do go to therapy, and this is in a long list of things that impact me that I have been making progress on… albeit very slowly, as it tends to go. And this doesn’t always become all-consuming: I put active energy into admiring them for their amazing beauty in all these aspects, I try really hard to grow and remind myself of my own beauty, that I have been trying so incredibly hard to find purpose, to follow my passion. But it feels like I’m constantly fighting a losing battle, one where I just want to find a way to cope with the feeling until it subsides, so I can maintain presence and continue to grow, rather than get caught in negative self-affect cycles. So… any ideas? I appreciate you all. Thank you.