We had tough times with my wife. We were arguing, had psychotherapy and so on. I was telling her what I need and what she needs. However I did not feel that my request in regular sex is satisfied, I wanted to make it once per week instead of per few months. We agreed but never done it. So, I started to jot down my thoughts into diary, called it Complain Diary. There I was describing that I want to fuck some women (I had plenty of other topics of course), she has just read it accidentally and now she wants a divorce.
She told that if I even think about it is already a cheat. I told that it is only complain stuff to relax my mind putting all negative to the notebook (last record was in Sep). I decided to get rid of writing since our relationships became better.
I do not know how to interpret this situation.
5 comments
Well, if she wants a divorce, she can get one whether you agree or not. Of course you can try to change her mind and such, but ultimately if she is DONE and doesn’t want to be married anymore, then you have to accept that.
I don’t agree that thinking about cheating is cheating. I think nearly everyone would be a cheater in that case, at least MOST people have had these thoughts even if there is no issue with the marriage. Most people don’t write them down though, and I can see why she feels very upset that you not only have these thoughts (apparently – she doesn’t), but you also took the time to document them like they are things you want to keep or re-read. I can see why that bothers her, but that isn’t cheating.
It is hard to believe that it was “accidental” that she read your diary, honestly how did that happen? Even if she stumbled upon it, she should have stopped as soon as she saw what it was. I think she snooped, saw your private thoughts, and now is angry at you about them, which also seems unfair to you.
If I read my husband’s thoughts and they were like you described, I wouldn’t be too happy about it, but it isn’t cheating UNLESS you actually had a relationship with any of these women that was inappropriate. Like an emotional affair for example. It also matters to me who the women are.
So – who were these women? Is this like celebrities, or is this like her sister or best friend? Are any of these women you flirted with, or got a little too personal with? Being honest, did you cross any lines besides in your head?
take her up on the offer, you’re not getting laid and she seems toxic
I don’t think it’s cheating but I do think it would be something very damaging to our marriage to read if my wife wrote that.
Absolutely not cheating
I think that if she only wants sex once every few months she is doing you a huge favor to divorce. Show her the door.