I’m somewhat new to dating, and I know I may have some level of attachment issues, so I’m trying to gauge how people feel after the first meeting with a healthy genuine connection.
I’ve noticed after some dates (30%) I know with certainty we are incompatible or I’m not interested and i let them know promptly.
After most (60%) dates I feel pretty indifferent, i don’t want to kiss them, I’m not really *excited* to hear back from them, though I’m not opposed to it either, I’ll take a few hours/a day to respond, and agree to second & third date usually, though the indifference persists and I call it off.
But after a few (10%) I am INTERESTED. I want to kiss, I follow up, I’m excited to hear back, and to see them again in a couple days, and I start thinking about them first thing in the morning. I acknowledge that they’re still very much a stranger, but I am very excited for the potential (from the positive traits and values I’ve seen so far and the chemistry i feel) and to get to know them more, asap.
The thing I can’t decide, is that 10% what everyone else is feeling and looking for too? Or is that my attachment getting triggered, and instead I should be investing more time into my nice but indifferent 60% group.
So please, let me know what you think about my situation, and also tell me your personal experiences with feelings after the first date.
2 comments
As someone who is quite new to online dating and has only been on the apps for 4 months, I have not felt excited about ANYONE which sucks. I am similar to you that for some dates, I know right off the bat we’re not compatible and don’t see them again. My friends tell me that if you feel indifferent about a guy on a first date, that probably won’t change. Just like you, I try to go on dates with okay guys on a second or third date to see if my feelings change but they never do so I guess my friends have been right so far lol.
The reality is, you are meeting strangers online. You will not like most of them when you meet up in-person. I think there’s nothing wrong with going out on a second date with someone you feel indifferent about because you never know if something will develop (even though that hasn’t happened to either one of us yet). My mom wasn’t interested in my dad until their third date and they’ve been together for 30 years. I think that if by a second or third date you’re still not excited and interested in them, leave it. It is compeletely normal to not be into most people you meet online. I think you should focus on the guys you are interested in but don’t completely dismiss guys who you feel indifferent about. Go out on a second date. If your feelings stay the same, move on.
i love interacting with new people and love the act of dating someone so my thoughts might not be that common but most dates for me end with a need to see them again as soon as i can. i naturally see the best in people so even if the date is bad i still just enjoy meeting a new person with a different perspective on life. its not till a couple of dates in that i decide if the person is right for me and whether or not to continue seeing them.