I don’t mean making plans as in hookups, I mean just making plans for dates where we get to know each other. It’s been a few weeks and we’ve met up twice so far and have plans to meet again but he doesn’t text at all outside of that. Like, at *all*. I’m not super attached to the idea of this person so I’m not gonna be hurt either way I guess I’m just curious for future reference since I’m new to dating in general (I’m 26 he’s 24)
21 comments
Blue flag
I dont get it. If you have plans already why would you text more the plan is already there. I don’t see What the point of texting about nothing
If he’s not trying to get to know you outside of dates then my assumption is he isn’t looking for a serious relationship and isn’t wanting to get to know you to become anything more like a boyfriend. Otherwise he would be trying to get to know you. Early 20s is still young and not a lot of men/people done settle down until closer to 30 too. My guess is he’s just taking his time and dating around but isn’t looking for anything serious.
In the early days you don’t have to text every day but you should have *some consistent communication* in between dates. Communication means someone wants to get to know you. Since he isn’t I recommend you leave him be and continue to date and meet other guys. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, especially if he’s not being engaging.
Use your powers of communicate to communicate about how he communicates.
“So are you not a texter? I tend to talk a bit by text to the people I date, haven’t seen that and just want to be sure I’m not confusing communication style with disinterest. No harm either way, just clarifying”.
If he’s scared off by this, is he someone you really want to date?
Red. Those types are always sexually agressive and unable to take no for an answer.
It’s neither, just personal preference. Some people aren’t big texters which isn’t right or wrong, good or bad. How do you feel about that though? I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t text me just to chat so this would bother me. But not everyone is like that and you have to figure out if you’re OK with it or not.
beige flag. Does he have any learning disabilities? I have family that is dyslexic and will text as little as possible.
This is all down to your preference. Personally, this would be a dealbreaker for me because I love texting. I’ve ended things with guys before who are silent between dates. If you’re okay with this level of communication then go for it, if you’re not then maybe the two of you aren’t compatible.
Is that a real question
Beige flag
It doesn’t necessarily mean anything beyond not much liking texting. That can be a deal breaker for you, but it’s not a sign of danger in the future
Wait
So he’s making plans to spend time with you but not talking to you much outside of that?
What exactly would be a red flag about this?
It honestly sounds like he’s in a relationship.
I mean to me, just make the plans in the text, don’t waste my time if we don’t have a plan.
I don’t think there’s any issue with it, but that’s the whole point of finding someone you’re compatible with.
If you don’t feel like He likes you enough because he’s not in constant communication with you, then that’s your prerogative to let him know that there is not a connection and end things with him to go find somebody that you will have a better connection with. In this case a better connection to you means more communication in phone calls or to texting or whatever
I feel like some people just aren’t big texters. Especially in the early phase of dating, where so much of the conversation is getting to know one another, it can be sensible to save conversation for in-person meetings, regardless. I certainly don’t think it’s a red flag, especially if those texts he does send are for the purpose of setting up further dates.
He shows interest in you by making plans and sticking to them.
If he does not text at all as you mentioned in the comments, maybe he´s not a big texter, easily fixable on next date, you could ask why.
Honestly I do not know during this age and time what could be a red or green flag, but if you wish to continue you could mention that you would like to get some texts from him every now and then…
Is like you ladies search for red flags (in general) and miss on the opportunity given.
Some people just physically have a hard time talking via text being one of them I know. I text with people for a day or two before asking if they would be comfortable meeting for drinks. Now if it’s like the first thing he said that may be a red flag. But it depends on the situation.
Honestly green flag. It takes much more effort to plan things in person than texting, which I view as more casual.
I’m in your exact situation but from the opposite side lol honestly I got a little nervous until I saw the ages.
No, it’s not red flag. I personally do not like texting. Aside from providing a record for plan setting, its the inferior form of communication – especially when trying to see if you have a real connection with someone. The amount of times I’ve seen people “lol” with a straight face is actually laughable. It’s so much easier to be inauthentic via text…I rarely text the girl I’m talking to but it’s not at due to a lack of interest. I’d just much rather experience her in person.
Some people just don’t text, I have the same thing happening with a guy. I asked and now know he isn’t a fan of texting and would rather a phone call. I’m the opposite though haha so I just text him anyway, even if his replies are always really straight to the point. It can be frustrating when you prefer to text, but honestly just ask him his preference ✌🏽
Red flags indicate danger. Not texting very often is not an indication of danger. Green flags indicate that this person has great relationship skills, not texting very often doesn’t indicate great relationship skills either.
It might mean he just doesn’t text conversationally. That would be neither good not bad overall, but it is likely a strong factor one way or the other in terms of compatibility with you personally. You have indicated that you do text conversationally, so likely not a very good thing. If you go another date, and that leads to another date and another and so on and so forth, this guy is still not going to be someone who texts you in the middle of the day because he is thinking of you. Is that something you would be ok with in a relationship?
It could also mean that while he does text conversationally, he’s just not interested in talking to you all that much. How strong is your connection in person?