Men who were adamant on not dating at all, what made you change your mind or what makes you not change it

26 comments

1. I’ve just never seen any point in it

   A lot of work for no reward, from my perspective

   It’s a game that’s rigged for you to lose, but you can win

   You win by not playing

2. I realized I get bored with people quite fast.

3. waste of time and money, it’s been made very clear to me I’m never going to be wanted, just needed as a mealticket

4. Realizing the reasons I don’t want to date are all internal and I needed to fix myself, not looking for someone who can fix me

5. I’ve seen the way SOME women talk about men on here/online and it’s kinda made me realise that maybe being single is better than being in a toxic relationship with a potential Karen who’s whole personality is hating men and gaslighting.

   Are there times I wish I had a woman to snuggle up to and spend time with.. yeah. But then I read really messed up shit online said about my sex and realise. Single life isn’t all that bad

   But if I end up meeting a woman in real life who isn’t an asshole like SOME of the ones I see online and we develop a connection then I’m open to dating her but as of right now. I have no interest.. maybe I should get offline more often.. that would be valid advice 🤷‍♂️

   But when I see SOME people refer to young people of my sex as “Future Oppressors/Rapists”. That’s when I NOPE the F out

6. it gets kinda lonely sometimes

7. Because it’s not worth it for me. I have to do everything. I have to initiate, I have to charm her and be funny, charismatic, brave, strong, hot to convince her to date me, I have to pay for nearly everything, rent an apartment because she 100% lives with her parents but would never date a guy who lives at home, have a car, have a solid job.

   Her responsibility is… I don’t know, blessing me with her presence and having sex with me?

   And of course, I am considered the lucky one in the relationship, because if she leaves me, she can get a date within 4 hours while I will be single for the next 4 years. No thanks, I am good.

8. The current state of the “guilty till proven innocent” mindset where “all men = bad”. It just felt there was a defaulted negative perception of any action or statement without any really consideration or discussion.

   I get why women need to feel this way because the risk of failures so dangerous. But it’s not an environment I want to navigate anymore. It’s just not worth it for me.

   Add to it the ghosting thing. Although I really never experienced it and would never do it, the fact I hear more and more this is an acceptable thing to do. I just don’t want to deal with that either.

   Don’t even get me started on the myriad of double standards and confusing/constantly changing “rules” we are supposed to follow. Just…nope.

   I’ve been single/not dating for almost 3 years now and I legit have never been happier. I do what I want when I want. I can buy anything I want whenever I want. No “where were you”. No “why didn’t you text me back”. No “are you mad”. No loaded questions or mind games.

   It. Is. Beautiful. Try it, you’ll not like it, you’ll LOVE it!!

9. I’ll admit I probably do have some internal work to do, but I have given dating a genuine shot & it just didn’t work for me. I found myself always “chasing” & not getting reciprocated energy. I don’t subscribe to the whole act uninterested thing, so I put effort into making anyone I’m trying to date know that I’m interested. It’s never been enough. I know I’m pretty decent in the looks department as I’ve talked to some pretty attractive women, even had flings with them, but not good enough for a relationship.. there’s this sense that I’m sort of a backup should things with their main not work out & it’s exhausting. I refuse to put myself through that again. Not saying I’m necessarily done done with dating but for now, I’m putting my time & effort into other things.

10. Knowing how some woman are these days, based on my experience I don’t really want to date them.

    I get easily laid here and there, I like it this way. Just having fun without expectations.

    + Wanna have time and money for myself.

    + I came from poverty, don’t wanna spend money to a chick in a relationship and at the end she would leave me because she doesn’t feel it anymore.

11. Women are scary and I have trust issues

12. I was a screwed up kid who knew he was a screwed up kid and I didn’t feel like anyone would like me, that I would be good enough and I was sure I was going to drag them down or otherwise be harmful to them. That screwed up kid turned into a screwed up adult who is exceptionally lonely but also believes all of that even moreso than I did because I saw what I turned into. Nobody wants that, nobody should want that, *I* mostly don’t want it, so there’s no point wasting time contemplating it. It’s fucked from jump and that’s *before* we talk about how fucked dating actually is, especially in your thirties. No, absolutely not.

    Edit: also it turns out you develop a crippling fear of intimacy when you’re an incredibly fat antisocial nerd and you just kinda live with it because it’s reasonable and justified. “No one should touch me because I look like a cross between Quasimodo and Peter Griffin. Source: I looked in the mirror.”

13. TMD (Too Much Drama)

14. Dating was something I want, kind of still is.

    It’s about the worst buck for your bang effort wise currently. The women I have met and will meet will be the ones to define my outlook on it.

    Could go either way.

15. I have friends, hobbies, a cat who likes me sometimes, I’m good. The only relationship I’m interested is one with very specific criteria and the chances of finding that, especially in my general dating pool/ age range is almost zero.

16. The diva mentality sucks, and i was about to quit. But why going after the hottest woman that can choose whoever she wants? She can also be picky, and probably one is just not the bes candidate

    Eventually I decided to go to therapy, fix my own stuff, and then, when i realized what i really want, I was able to find someone fun, smart, quirky and authentic

17. It’s been five years. I have not dated once. Have not changed my mind either.

    Five peaceful, free years after 13 years of marriage to a tyrant.

    I like it so much I plan never to date again for the rest of my life.

18. At some point you realize the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.

19. In a word: depression.

    In a summary: I’m 36, single, in an essentially dead end fast food job (Starbucks shift supervisor), vaguely sort of in shape/sort of out of shape, can’t afford my own place, and I’m short (5’6″) so am in 99th percentile in being generally unappealing as a significant other, which I wish was just my assessment instead of an apparent statistical likelihood based on my rejection record.

20. I had very little dating success at university, so when I got to med school, given the huge amount of time I needed to devote to studying, I just didn’t think it was worth the time and effort.

    Lets just say that after I graduated from med school, I found that my stock on the dating marketed had increased almost exponentially.

21. Got really sick to the point I almost died. And realized how alone I was.

22. less attracted to women as i get to my 30s

23. Gave up dating for good in 2019, when I found out my best self wasn’t even preferable to an emotionally abusive piece of shit. It devastated me, and I will never again make the mistake of letting myself feel something for someone.

    Since then, I treat myself to an evening with a sex worker (or two) once or twice a year, and that takes care of the need for female companionship that I haven’t been able to completely stomp out.

24. Dating after a certain age is complicated. Pretty much every woman has kids, emotional trauma, baggage. Plus my trust is completely shot. The main guys I see getting cheated on are usually great guys who try their best to make their girl happy. Whenever I attract woman I usually have to be “fake” and play a character. It’s never just simply building a life together and focus on being happy. I’m happy by myself. It’s so peaceful

    In short: Too much risk. Not enough reward

25. I (25) feel like i’m slowly becoming part of the group of men who are checking out of society in a sense (even when i’m not trying to), and my insecurity with dating is one of them.

    Girls i’ve dated before were absolutely shitty and abusive, and most of the girls I meet now will say “men are trash” “men are this” “men are that” and it kinda gives me a feeling that all of my experiences will be invalidated, that whatever I do I can’t really do good, and that whatever women have done to me, or will do, will just be overlooked.

    I wish this was just some internet phenomenon but the amount of people I know who think like this irl really makes me want to just not get into it anymore.

26. My wife died, leaving me a single dad. A few l years later I met a woman and she seemed to love my daughter. We got married and she immediately changed. She started verbally and physically abusing my daughter. I divorced her immediately and didn’t date again for years.

    Eventually my daughter encouraged me to date someone after she said our chemistry was obvious. With my daughter’s encouragement I called her and we’ve been together for 9 years, and happily married for 6.