Men of Reddit, what is an acceptable age gap?

47 comments

1. Half your age plus seven

2. More confused why him being with hundreds of beautiful women was information he needed to tell you lol

3. It’s whatever is acceptable to you and as long as both parties are of legal age.

4. As long as they’re legal, who cares?

5. Anything if they’re both adults. People go for who they find attractive. Are you going to be compatible with a huge age gap? Most likely not. but it is possible. And if you’re both adults, you’re both responsible for your actions and consequences.

6. Yeah that’s a no for me too. I’m 45 and raised step kids from infants into their 20’s. I’m with OPs Dad on this one , that sort of age gap is just creepsville on so many levels for me. Having already raised dependants I’m certainly not looking to date one!

7. As long it’s legal and both agree who cares about the age? I’m 29 and my wife is 47 and it works great

8. I generally am an advocate of the “half your age plus seven” rule, personally.

   But, when it comes to others, I’m not going to judge any relationship between two consenting adults. Different strokes for different folks. If a friend comes to me and is dating a person and there’s an age gap, my only concern is if the older person is leveraging their power (namely money) to manipulate. But at the end of the day, it’s their choice and I respect it.

   As for your situation, this isn’t up to your dad. He has the right to be skeptical, but ultimately it’s your choice who you want to date and he needs to accept your decision as a grown woman.

9. I feel like the age gap gets more acceptable as you get older, 18 and 22 will creep some people out but 25 and 29 doesn’t even though they’re the same age gap.

   I know a girl in college who’s 20, her boyfriend is 25 and has a legitimate job. While I was surprised to hear this considering he’s a legitimate working adult, I was more relieved he was 25 and not 30

10. The aforementioned half age + 7 is a good rule of thumb, although I, at 28, would probably not date most (99.9% of) 21 year olds, simply due to us being in much different points in our lives.

    I’d rather go for someone at least aged 24.

    Four years in difference have only recently been “unlocked” from being weird, too – it would be a really strange thing to do at 21, but much less at 25.

    The older both participants get, the larger the age gap can be without it being weird.

11. I’m with your dad. As a 60 year guy and father of a 25 year old man, the day arrives that the age gap is too great for many reasons.

    First, as you said, the wholly different places those ages are in their life is too significant to ignore.

    Second, and I think most importantly…a younger person dating an older person will get pulled forward in life in a manner which precludes many of the amazing and soul developing moments that help us to better understand ourselves and others. Dating people your own age means it’s more likely that you’ll experience some of the same challenges, difficulties and achievements together.

    That older person isn’t going to appreciate or sympathize with your situations like a peer will. Their understanding of the world is vastly different because they didn’t grow up in the same time period as you.

    As to your original question, that depends on where you are age wise. I genuinely believe that under 25 should most definitely stay within a year or two of their own age. After that, I think that being in the same generation is a sound strategy. At a certain gap, it’s likely there is also a power dynamic/financial ability that can subjugate the younger person, even if inadvertently.

    Edit some spelling and stuff.

12. With the standard caveat that all men are not the same, everyone has their own preferences, freedom of choice etc out of the way.

    Discounting other factors but your age, statistically speaking you are now in your most desirable age range for men of all ages.

    The majority of older men however tend to keep their thoughts to themselves and wouldn’t usually bother hitting on young women but of course there’s always that few.

    If the situation was reversed and the younger woman hits on the guy, a few more guys would likely respond but again, the majority would be wary and their rational brain would kick in.

    With a 50 year old divorcee with kids, honestly, he’s not much left to loose and so is just playing the numbers and from the beautiful women comment, he’s clearly a massive D.

    Interesting sub-question might be, how old is too old for a club?

    To answer your actual questions, Men that become fathers to daughters have a different angle because they are often more “protective”, still see naivety, and perhaps are able to empathise more with those women (understand what men are thinking).

    Your father naturally wants the best for you and he knows that this guy is not a good guy.

    What age gap is “acceptable” varies by country, culture and individuals. Personally I feel it’s less about age and more about compatibility in terms of life experience, interests, intelligence, life goals etc.

    There’s a lot of biology and psychology that could be talked about too but I’ll leave that to the experts.

13. Ass gapes are never acceptable

14. For me within 6 years was my limit. Than shrunk for maturity reasons. Down to 4.
    Most men are in it for sex and that gap dont matter as long as she 18. She might be annoying and have nothing in common but she young and attractive.

15. Old dudes try it on with young girls all the time still thinking they’re in the prime of their life, not realising that 9/10 it comes across as super creepy and slightly predatory, particularly if you’re deliberately frequenting places that are 99% 18-25 year-olds.

    I’m 23 now and I wouldn’t date anyone younger than 21 because I think back to when myself and my friends were 18, we were all pretty immature in different ways. I’ve no interest in being a counselor or a babysitter. I think once you reach 30, the age gap becomes less and less important, but in your 20s, so many people are at completely different stages.

    One thing that’s always baffled me about older guys (late 20s, early 30s) dating young girls (18-23), is why they can’t find a girl a similar age to them to date, it’s always stood out as a big red flag to me.

16. Any. Don’t believe redditors. Most of them live in a weird world. 2 adults can date by their own decisions.

17. He was 30 when you were born. That doesnt sound weird to you?

18. I’ve typically believe the “Half your age + 7” is a good starting point. But honestly anyone that is older than around 35-40 shouldn’t be dating anyone under 25. There are just too many life changes that happen between 25-35 that really differentiate the 2 age gaps.

    Between 18-25 you’re dealing with a lot of changes. You’re going from living with your parents to living on your own, you’re losing some of the friends you had in high school but gaining new friends from your adult life, maybe your sports/extracurricular stuff is changing. You either went to school, are in school, or have been working this whole time. Maybe you’re living on your own, or maybe you’re still at home, but you’re learning to deal with “adult things”, and you’re also legally allowed to do things you weren’t allowed to do before 18. All-in-all, you’re just developing a lot during this time, and you’re growing/changing a lot as a person.

    Between 25-35 or 40, your growth is slowing down a lot, and you’re starting to become “more established” in who you are as a person. You know what you want, what you don’t want, and what you refuse to put up with. You’ve done things “a certain way” for over a decade, and so compromising is a little more difficult. Maybe you’ve had multiple relationships, maybe you’ve had 1 or 2 long term relationship, maybe kids, maybe no kids, maybe you’ve had to “step up” in your family after the passing of a family member. There’s just very little “experimenting” done around 35-40, so you are who you are going to be.

    When you try to mesh these 2 age groups, the power dynamic is just….off. As a 35-40 year old you’re able to dictate what you WANT/NEED from the relationship, but at 22 (for example) you don’t always know these things (note: I’m suggesting that most of the time 22 year olds are figuring out most of these things, while older people usually know more of these things). So if you’re 22 trying to figure it out, you’re just going to be molded by someone who is very sure of what they want, and you’ll try to appease that because “they know more”. Plus the age gap just leaves the window open for a lot of discussions/arguments to be settled by the idea that the “older person knows more than the younger person”, so the older person gets more say over things.

    I’m not saying this is always the case, but the people I’ve known that have tried it have had these instances happen more so than a “healthy relationship”. I’ve known girls in their early 20’s date guys in their late 30’s and older, and there is always a sense of “but he has more experience”, and they kind of just went with it.

19. As long as it’s legal and you weren’t groomed as a minor, do whatever you want.

    However if it were me, I personally keep who I date within an age range that would have overlapped in high school. For example I’m 28 and my girlfriend is 30. Meaning our high school years would have overlapped had we went to the same one.

20. Let me tell you that meeting a man 30 years older than you at an 18+ club is one of the greasier things I’ve heard today.

21. Things like gaps and other bs exists only in your mind.

22. I mean I’m in the camp that as long as both parties are consenting adults and nobody is being taken advantage of, no issue with it.

    But… generally half your age plus 7 is a good rule of thumb.

    Just because something isn’t immoral doesn’t mean it’s a good idea

23. Probably something like 1/3 of men remain attracted to young women their entire lives. People who piss on that perspective don’t seem to realize it often includes the brothers, friends, or father.

    It’s normal, and it can be fine for people with a big age gap to date, but it always depends on the specific dynamic … and it’s *right* in culture to be skeptical about those dynamics when it’s so common that people are taken advantage of.

24. I’m 33 and my girlfriend is 22 and neither of us care one bit

25. Half your age plus 7. If he’s 50, he shouldn’t be dating any lower than 32

26. If both parties are adults then fuck what anyone else thinks, as long as you’re both happy

27. For minimum age the calculation is
    [X is your age]

    (X/2)+7

    For maximum age the calculation is

    (X-7) × 2

    With that being said, there’s no age in which a creep is not a creep

28. IDK, it’s hard to say. My instinct is that it should be even both ways and i’m trying to think of a scenario where it wouldn’t be ok for me to date an older woman. and I have dated a significantly older woman.

    i guess my feeling is that him hitting on you in a club and telling you such details is the actual creepy part and not merely his age. if he had met you on a group bicycle ride for instance, and only hit on you after gauging mutual attraction, and didn’t feel the need to brag about his sexual prowess, then it wouldn’t be so ick-inducing. that isn’t to say your dad would be happy about it.

    so after reflecting a little on the relationships i’ve had with older women, i realized that we did think that the gap was inappropriate. to some degree at least because we kept the relationship discrete. we hung out and claimed to be just friends, and didn’t slobber all over one another publicly or in front of her friends. though some of her friends deduced that we were romantic partners. that we kept it more private was a tacit recognition that there was something inappropriate about it. it didn’t rise to such a level of inappropriateness that it had to end immediately but it was there. I didn’t introduce her to my parents.

    i think that ultimately it is a problem when the point of the relationship is the age gap itself. commonly the way it goes is that the guy is older and the woman is younger. most guys are attracted to younger women and a considerable portion of women are attracted to older guys. ideally the woman should recognize that in every older guy is a little boy and within every punk ass boy is a potential older dapper gentleman. with guys though it seems that to too many of them no woman is adequate because they’ll all get old someday.

    if the two parties are attracted to one another for reasons other than just their respective ages, and they’re willing to defer to local custom at least outwardly about age gapped relationships then they have my blessing.

29. I’m 32 years old, I’d rather be with girls closer to my age, for me the minimum might be 25-26 years or so.
    The kind of men that you described as the one who hit on you sound like predators, and your father is right, what a 50+ years old man has to do with a girl who might as well be his child?

30. As long as everyone is 18+ I don’t really have a opinion on ppls choices

31. under 16: same age/grade
    16-18: +/- 1 year/grade
    18-24: +/- 2 years/grades
    25+: anyone else 25+

    roughly speaking

    So yeah, a 50 year old hitting on someone in their early 20s is gross. That’s a predator that knows damn well that someone that young has all kinds of insecurities and naivety to prey upon. Roughly around the mid 20s is when I think most people are mature enough and wise to the ways of the world to no longer be easy pickings for these kinds of people.

32. I say 10years younger is about the limit

33. Minimum = age/2 + 7
    Max = age*2 -7

34. The general rule of thumb for socially acceptable age gaps I use is half the age of the older person + 7 years (rounded up) = the minimum age of the younger person*. This reflects that when you are young, even a small age gap can be a big difference in life experience, but as you get older, that gap means less and less.

    e.g. 18/2+7=16 (hence why a senior dating a sophomore isn’t necessarily creepy, but a senior dating a freshman is)

    35/2+7=25 (rounded up from 24.5)

    50/2+7=32

    *if this number is higher than the number of the older person, they are too young to be dating.

    TL;DR If he’s in his 50s, and you’re in your 20s, him hitting on you is creepy af.

35. The common adage is half one’s age plus 7 before it’s socially unacceptable to date someone younger than that.. So let’s say the guy is 50. Half that is 25, plus 7 is 32.

    So the minimum age a 50 year old should date is 32. Granted, someone in their 50s and someone in their 30s are at entirely different places in their lives and it would likely be beneficial for the relationship if there was a smaller age gap.

36. The transition in generartion is 5 years, over that the thoughts, beleives, behavior change a lot, i dont say that over 5 will not work but its harder to make it work

37. It depends on how old the girl is. If the guy is 36 and she’s 18 I think it’s creepy but legal. But if he’s let’s say 40 and she’s 26 it’s different. She’s now an adult to me. I wasn’t really an adult until like 23/24. Not just when I turned 18

38. Half your age, then add 7. So a 38 yo (38/2+7) would be 26 and up. This is universally accepted. Google it

39. Half your age plus 7
    Took that from parks and Rec and it actually makes sense

40. As a 20 year old dude. Fuck that, agree w ur dad. 4 years is prolly the max I’d put for my self.

41. Every circumstance is different, but here are the gaps the I wouldn’t even question.

    Teens: 1ish years apart

    20s: 3ish years apart

    30s: 6ish years apart

    40s: 10ish years apart

    50s: 15ish years apart

    60s: 20ish years apart

    70s: you do you man

42. I’d say 5 years both ways as long as they’re 18+

43. Well, I mean come on – if he has been with HUNDREDS of beautiful women, then he must know a thing or two!

    ​

    /s

    ​

    I think you know this guy’s a creep.

44. If you have to ask you know and I’m sorry that you miss your partner

45. (Female) I’m in a age gap relationship I’m 26 and he is 45 we are getting married he has been married twice and divorced no kids besides our son we unfortunately lost at 32 weeks pregnant. You have to learn to stop giving a fuck what other people think that’s what I had to do. I was so scared of what people would think but this THE BEST RELATIONSHIP I’ve EVER had!!!

46. I would say anything more than 10-15 years is too much… but I don’t think I would react with disgust… more like embarrassment.

    For me, the line is when the man or women is old enough to look ridiculous in the fashion trends of 20 year olds. At some point a person needs to accept their age and life position and start acting like the grown adult they are.

    If the guy is old enough to be your father, it’s just sad. But also, take into consideration what the relationship will be like when you both start entering the next life stage of each of your lives. Do you want to be potentially changing his diapers before you’re 50? Or dealing with memory loss, senility, Alzheimers, etc.? Also, the fact that he surely has TONS of emotional baggage with his marriages and all the women he claims to have had sex with… all when you’re just starting out and trying to figure out who you are or what you want.

47. I’ve heard the “half your age plus 7 rule” ….you be the judge