My partners and I have had great sex with me as dom. When it comes to anything besides dom stuff, I wouldn’t really care if their parents accidentally found out about one super embarrassing detail or another as long as I didnt have to be in the room when they did, and I had made respectful/reasonable attempts at discretion.
With dom stuff I feel like Id be absolutely horrified and with good reason. My guess is that the set of people who would be okay with idea of their sister/daughter being treated roughly in a sexual way by a male partner is way smaller than the set of people okay with their kids being super kinky in almost any other way. I know that I would have an extremely hard time not feeling contempt toward a significant other of my daughter if he were to be violent with her in bed no matter how it leads to flourishing in their relationship.
I don’t know how to integrate this uneasiness. Also wondering if this means that I think BDSM is wrong on some level.
4 comments
If you feel contempt over this and feel BDSM is wrong, then you are not prioritizing the most important part of being a dom: the control you give your partner. People being dominated in a loving relationship have complete control over what is being done to them through trust and communication, at all times. There is no true violence in ethical BDSM and you should know this.
Sure, if I were to imagine my daughter being slapped by her partner, it would give me the ick. But I shouldn’t be thinking about that to begin with. Her sex life is her own and none of my damn business. If I end up finding out, block it out of my mind. There should be no contempt with her partner because she chooses it to happen. Hating her partner for an intimacy they enjoy together is disrespectful to your daughter, passively denying her the freedom of sexual expression.
As long as you and your partner are legally consenting, in your right minds, informed of each others expectations, curiosities, and boundaries, have a consensus on safe words, actions, and spaces, and accept personal responsibility to communicate appropriately before, during, and after, and practice safely and mindfully, no one else’s opinions matter. These things we do, we do privately, as adults making informed adult decisions for our own gratification.
I think you’re just hyper aware of the stigma many others place on various kink practices. If you yourself feel uncomfortable with some aspects, it’s okay to not participate or to make them soft/hard limits in your own adventures. Tastes and opinions are fluid and it’s perfectly fine that they evolve as our perspectives and understandings of ourselves do. I would say, remember that sane, informed consent is everything and that people outside the dynamic are outside the dynamic for a reason.
Neither I nor my partner practice BDSM but I don’t want either set of our loved ones to know what we do in bed!
It’s none of their business and if a detail should leak: *it still isn’t any of their business*.
Do you have some doubts about whether you’re practicing good consent?
Or is it about the level of violence when you engage in BDSM?
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>I know that I would have an extremely hard time not feeling contempt toward a significant other of my daughter if he were to be violent with her in bed no matter how it leads to flourishing in their relationship.
I’d be concerned about that order of operations, too.
Getting violent before trust and consent are established seems like a hilariously bad idea from an ethical standpoint, and I’d have a whole lot of reservations about the health and legitimacy of any relationship where a man had to be violent with a woman before it could “flourish.”