I’ve been pondering this lately and wanted to get your thoughts. In relationships, whether they’re personal or professional, communication plays a crucial role. Two common extremes I’ve noticed are:
1. Not Sharing Enough: Some people are excellent listeners, but they tend to keep their thoughts, feelings, and experiences to themselves. It can sometimes feel like pulling teeth to get them to open up. Does this make it hard for others to connect with them?
2. Over-Sharing and Not Listening: On the flip side, there are those who love to talk about themselves but struggle to listen when others want to share. They might unintentionally dominate conversations, leaving others feeling unheard and disconnected.
So, what do you think is the greater challenge? Is it harder to be the person who doesn’t share enough but is a good listener, or the one who loves to share but struggles to listen to others?
Share your experiences, insights, and tips on finding the right balance in communication.
7 comments
As an undersharer with a great social life, id say over sharing is worse, but im clearly biased
There is still a lot to talk and joke about with people without sharing your personal life with them
In not sharing you include keeping thoughts to yourself, which i wouldnt put into that category. Im thinking more life details and personal baggage and shit like that
I’d say oversharing is worse. There are just some things that people share that you can’t take back, and will change how other people look at you in general.
If you don’t share enough, the biggest risk is people will fill in the blanks themselves with stuff that may not be true. On the upside, this can always be corrected if you do choose to share in the future.
I’m a recovering over sharer. Pick your spots and get to know who you really can trust.
Here’s the thing. Over sharing gives people power over you because they know more about you. So I think it’s the bigger problem because it leaves you more vulnerable to bad actors.
That said, most of life is about finding balance. Most of us will struggle on one direction or the other, and part of working on ourselves is working toward the middle. In a variety of ways.
I’d pick the latter. This is the common denominator in the worst dates I’ve ever been in.
I think you’re focusing on the wrong dichotomy. Relationships work because each person chooses the other. Not because each person presents themselves to be chosen. The distinction is kinda similar to asking “Whats the best present to get someone” versus asking “What is it that this someone wants”. One reaches across the gap to the other. One is interested in being the best, but doesn’t reach for connection.
This goes along with the advice that people like to talk about themselves. So ask questions to allow them to do that. You’re not asking questions in order for (yourself) to be considered a good conversationalist. You’re asking questions (for them) to have an arena to converse and tell you about themselves. And from this, you can determine if they’re a good fit (for you) rather than trying to be the best kind of person (for them).
Now you might ask: “If what i do is simply invest in them, then how am I supposed to act to get them to choose me?” And thats where you err. You’re not supposed to be acting in order to influence them. You’re supposed to be who you are, and *let them choose you*. Part of that is allowing them to bring you out (by sharing) when *they* allow you the same platform you allow them. Again this is like each of you giving each other gifts (platforms on which the other can share) rather than each of you requesting a gift be given (their time and attention and love *because* youre being a certain kind of person).
It’s easy enough to get rid of the oversharing — keep your sharing at the same level as the person you’re with.
If you’re not used to sharing much, I think that’s harder to overcome because you have to get comfortable with it.