Title basically covers it. We’ve gone on several dates, he’s a gentleman, kind, funny, super attractive, confident, caring, everything. Yet when we have sex his voice goes up several octaves and he talks and moans like a shitty female pornstar who’s trying to get a man off. I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable/feel bad and say something about how much of a turn off it is, but I can’t help but almost laugh every time he does it. And it’s pretty often- he’s not that quiet. I’ve tried to shush him in a “sexy” way so he doesn’t catch on, but it never lasts long. If you were him- how would the best way be to receive this news? Would you even say anything? Or just hope it gets better? I don’t want to end a perfectly wonderful thing that might become a relationship over something so trivial.

TL;DR: How do I tell a guy he sounds like a little girl during sex without ruining things or hurting his feelings?

35 comments

  1. I’m sorry but I laughed really hard.

    Just tell him to not do those sounds ? Maybe put music and tell him that you like a less vocal environment when you are having sex ?

  4. Romantic music helps..it’s better to communicate now rather than deep in relationship..best Approach is straight forward conversation..good luck

  8. “ talks and moans like a shitty female pornstar” 😭💀 lmao I guess your the man in this situation

  9. Ask him to do like a caveman roleplay and say you like deep grunting or whatever, then overact positively to condition him to do that more.

    Personally I would feel a bit shredded if someone said they did not like my sex noises.

  13. I laughed reading the title and I really don’t know I would react IRL. And I’m over 40 so you have very good self control 🤣

  14. Be honest and straight forward he has all the right to get mad tho so just be honest and accept the outcome

  15. I’m sorry I laughed, it’s hilarious. The only thing I can offer is to keep kissing him, if his mouth is occupied he might not be so vocal. My other suggestion is to impersonate Mickey, or some other cartoon character, just for funnies

  17. If he was a stand up comedian this would be a fabulous set up for a future self deprecating joke.

  18. Just accept him for who he is. This is such a trivial thing to even address. Maybe you don’t sound the greatest when you are having sex. I’d feel like someone telling me that would make me think they are judgmental and may want to try to change who I am in the future over insignificant things.

  20. OP seriously, just end it.

    This honestly sounds pretty hot to me. Someone moaning like that because they felt that good? Hot.

    Now how would you feel if that guy had this conversation with you? Would you ever be comfortable to properly moan during sex ever again?

    This honestly sounds like an incompatibility issue. So instead of giving the guy a lifetime insecurity, just end it.

  22. I feel like this is actually a non-issue. Just like we all have a laugh that is unique to us, we also have unique sex noises. If that’s the only issue, you’ve found a keeper!!

  23. If you’re a bit adventurous and trust him you could suggest videotaping yourselves, when it’s played back he may hear it himself and make a decision to change without you having to say anything about it at all.. we all hate hearing ourselves recorded.. he may realise he sounds like Minnie Mouse himself 😂

  24. Swing him in the other direction, tell him you find it sexy when the person you’re having sex with talks to you in a deep voice during sex.

  25. Man, this is tough. I don’t know that there’s any way to approach this that won’t just be hurtful and make him self conscious, particularly if it seems like a natural, unguarded reaction and not an intentional performance.

    If it was something to do with technique or hygiene or activities he was choosing or even if he was just being too loud I’d say just be direct and tell him what you would like instead, but telling someone that you don’t like the way their sex noises sound feels a lot like telling someone you don’t like their laugh or their voice or the face they make when they orgasm or their smile or any other part of them that is difficult/impossible to change.

    Sure you can give them feedback and maybe they will even change the thing, but at what cost to their sense of self and to the authenticity, intimacy, and vulnerability that’s possible between the two of you?

    If I were in your shoes and dating someone who was otherwise perfect I’d really try to reframe for myself how I perceive his sex noises. I think humans have a lot of capacity to learn to appreciate qualities that don’t generally appeal to us when they are situated in the context of someone we really care about or who we find appealing in all the other ways. So much (not all but lots) of what we find attractive is culturally programmed, not unalterable preferences we were born with, so you can do a lot to consciously modify your own aesthetic preferences.

    Like instead of thinking, “He sounds like Minnie Mouse,” which is a deeply unsexy and unflattering comparison, focus on thinking, “This is what he sounds like when he’s really enjoying himself and feels comfortable and relaxed enough to be authentic and unselfconscious. He makes these noises because our sex is so fucking good. He makes these noises because he is so into me.”

    Maybe you will learn to really enjoy and appreciate the noises he makes by reinforcing that positive association and a pushing aside the negative association. Or maybe you will realize that this is an incompatibility you just cannot get over, and you should break up.

    But I don’t think that this is something that communication can effectively address.

  26. Just get over it , roll with it , we can’t change everything about our partners/ the people we love , you may in time find it endearing and perhaps even sexy . This is how your man expresses himself when he is at his most pleasurable moments . You should feel proud you fuck him so good he sounds like mini mouse . Just let him be himself and learn to enjoy it with him

  28. I’ve actually encountered this before and I did not call him back because of it. Im glad he looked away when he finished because I was holding back laughter.

  30. “Hey man. Gotta be honest. Your level of vocality while we’re fuckin? Not my thing. Everything else? A+ size of the boat- Solid. Motion of the ocean- Love it. The whining? I could do without”

  33. If it was me, think as long as your delicate it shouldn’t be an issue but try and frame as a ‘you’ problem.

    ‘I’m really sorry as know you aren’t doing anything wrong and it’s really my issue but sometimes the noises you make in bed can really through me off. I really like that you enjoy it so much to vocalise (which not many guys do) but the sounds remind me a bit of some of the fake noises porn stars make and I’m struggling to get past that even though I’m trying to’. Do you think we can experiment with you trying to channel that enjoyment into a different sound – like a grunt or sigh as think that would help take me out of the moment less’.

    Also nice to follow up with…. I really think you and this relationship are great and only want us to be able to communicate easily so if there’s anything you would like me to do differently I’m always happy to hear it.

  34. I’m sorry but it isn’t trivial. I have no advice on how to approach this because this is who he is. Just because everything looks good on paper, doesn’t mean it works. Chalk it up to being incompatible and move on. Can you imagine being happy 20 years from now hearing this every time you feel frisky?

  35. In the future maybe only have sex with people you’re also comfortable talking to.

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