My husband and I have been together for 6 years and have 5 year old twins (boy and girl). Apart from his great qualities, he’s controlling and most of our arguments are due to that.
We’ve never used any form of protection our entire relation. He hates condoms because it’s uncomfortable and before our children I wasn’t willing to get on birth control. Hence why I got pregnant with our twins. I’m a SAHM. My husband has been wanting another child for the past year and I’ve been very hesitant to try for another child because these twins took my body away. It took me months to get into my desired shape and now that I’m content with my body I really don’t want to go through another pregnancy change. My husband is the type of person who’s very determined. When he wants something he’ll strive to get it. He made a comment last week saying “you’re my woman you’re made for this have my babies I’ll take care of the rest” I didn’t say anything. It made me feel like that’s all I’m good for plus he’s Saudi Arabian (I’m Cuban & Jamaican) so his cultural mentality is very fixated. Initially he didn’t know I’ve been on birth control since having our kids and was getting increasingly frustrated that I’m not pregnant especially since we have sex daily.
Last night while being intimate he held my throat and said “I hope you’re not taking anything” when I asked why he said that he said I don’t appear too concerned I’m not pregnant after continuously having “unprotected sex”. After sex he pushed my arms out pushed his fingers into my upper arm and felt my birth control implant. When he asked what it was I pretended I didn’t know what he’s referring to and he got angry so angry his face was red and his hands shoke. He shouted in my face, asked me what it was and I told him. I criedand begged him to lower his voice because the kids were asleep. He held my throat and demanded to know why I had it. I couldn’t even talk he was suffocating me and after 5 seconds he let go of my throat and stared at me. He told me to “get rid of it if you don’t I’ll deal with you myself”. Since then he hasn’t really spoken to me, he speaks to me if it’s related to the kids and his behaviour feels hostile. He said our marriage he feels hurt and betrayed
I do want another child just not now maybe in a year or two. I want to enjoy my body first and he’s aware of that. I feel our marriage won’t be the same if I don’t get the implanon removed. He’s a great father and I’ve known he’s always wanted a big family so I know it’s my duty to give him that. I feel so conflicted
Leaving is a hard decision for me. He’s all I know my life is centred around him and my kids
28 comments
Your life is in danger.
Your life is in danger.
YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER.
Make an escape plan immediately. This man does not believe you are PERMITTED to have control of your own body, in his mind, he OWNS you.
No discussion can change his mind.
He will cut it out of your arm. He will rape you. He will forcibly impregnate you. He will never trust you again. I think your marriage is done – this is no longer a safe place for you.
Contact domestic violence support services near you and make an exit plan NOW. This man does not care about you. You’re an incubator to him. Once a woman’s partner has strangled her, her risk of being murdered by that same partner increases 750% compared to women who have never been strangled. This man is not safe for you. Get out before it gets worse.
Are your parents in the picture? You need help you and your children aren’t safe. Please be careful switch to the iud maybe
Your husband only sees you like a vessel to deliver children, and take care of them. What you want or feel doesn’t actually matter compared to him, and he feels entitled since he brings home the income.
When you showed any sense of autonomy, he violently attacked you – and then says *he* feels hurt and betrayed. How about you?
You have a daughter. When she’s old enough to date, do you want to experience what you just did? Regularly? By someone that vowed to love them? You’d be livid , I imagine.
Your husband is financially, emotionally and physically abusive. “The beatings will continue until morale improves” is how he chooses to handle disagreements.
Your life is in danger.
I suggest you start seeking local resources for victims of domestic violence and start quietly planning your exit.
First, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting another child OR you taking the necessary measures to ensure you don’t fall pregnant before you want another. If you have to get the implant removed for your safety, try another form like the shot or even the pill if you can hide it. I wouldn’t recommend an IUD just because I know of men who have literally ripped out their partner’s IUD once they found out about them. It’s barbaric.
Most importantly, once you’re partner chokes you, you have a [750% increased risk](https://www.kob.com/archive/report-choking-strangulation-victims-750-more-likely-to-be-killed-by-offender/), yes SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY percent, of being killed by them. Please leave, your life literally depends on it. Stay safe, OP. Don’t let yourself or your kids become a statistic. That “I’ll deal with you myself” was a threat to your life.
Your husband is living in a twisted reality. He thinks of you as property, and your sole purpose is to make and raise babies for him. He doesn’t respect your autonomy or your safety.
Get your kids packed while he is at work and go somewhere safe before he ends up giving you brain damage or kills you.
JFC, I would run far away. The red flags are waving.
You were 18 barely a child and he knocked you up 1 year later. He’s controlling and dangerous and will hurt you! It’s time to get out and help your children
You need to leave this abusive marriage!
He choked you. You’re in danger, because when men choke women, the odds of him murdering her increase A LOT.
You’re being abused.
Your life is in danger.
This is an extremely scary and abusive person.
You’re allowed to have a say for what happens with your body. You are allowed to have control over your body and if you have birth control or not.
Please consider leaving this toxic and abusive person.
He’s going to kill you. He’s controlling, he thinks your body belongs to his will, and he strangled you. He is going to kill you if you do not safely get away. He got you pregnant when you were a teenager and he thinks he gets to do it again whenever he decides it’s time.
If he tries to cut your implant out you could bleed to death or have permanent nerve damage.
Or he could just kill you.
Nope. No advice to salvage this relationship. He’s a monster. He will kill you if you stay. He may kill you for trying to leave. You are not a person in his mind. Get out. Take the kids, get yourself into a shelter, get an order of protection, and start a new life as far away from him as you can get.
Think of your Children and YOUR safety! Get out NOW before he does this to Your daughter or before he guts you like a fish!
Know what it’s called when an intimate partner grabs you by the throat in anger?
A “lethality indicator.”
That means it’s one of those things that can be used to predict whether domestic violence will escalate into domestic homicide.
YOU ARE IN SERIOUS, LIFE-THREATENING DANGER. You don’t need Reddit, you need an exit plan for you and the kids.
http://hrlibrary.umn.edu/svaw/domestic/training/materials/LethalityModule.PDF
Aah another ‘this man is lovely apart from the fact he’ll kill me and feel no remorse’ man. Leave this bunch of dicks girl!
You are at risk of being killed by your husband.
Get out. He’s abusive and controlling. Get out before you die.
Take pictures. File a police report. Make your plans. I’m sorry, he’s showing his true colors.
“He held my throat.”
Nope he wants you to be repeatedly knocked up because he wants everyone to know you’re taken.
Oh my god. The age gap was bad I already knew that he was going to be controlling since he groomed and baby trapped a teenager. But I was not prepared for the rest of this post. You are in danger. Get your affairs in order as soon as possible and leave as safe and quickly as you can. This person does NOT love you. He loves the control he has over you. Go somewhere safe, leave with whatever you can safely. He fully believes he owns you, your body, your life. I really fear for you. He will murder you. Don’t leave your children with no mother. Be strong for them. Never trust him. Always have your guard up, because I fully believe he will cause you or your children harm without a question or doubt in my mind. This is not normal behaviour.
I think there is a statistic about men who strangle their partner (if they don’t go through with it and it’s a “warning”) are most likely to kill their partner
Considering the age gap and cultural background, it was obvious he only wanted you to breed you like livestock.
You do need to leave him, OP. It’s not going to get any better.
Men like him enjoy their 20s and establish their eventual career, get used to the self-centered status quo of their lives, then find a 20 something to isolate from friends and family and lock in with a child, using phrases like “You’re so mature for your age!” to get what they want. Every time. This sub is filled with similar stories to yours.
You have two kids with a breeder fetishist who cares only for the proof his dick works, the rest of the raising is on you. None would’ve been better, two is enough. Leave before he pumps and lumps you with more.
I repeat, it’s not going to get any better. It will get worse.
See, 10 or 20 years from now, *if you’re still alive*, he’s sniffing round the next victim, as you’ve been left tired and fat from birthing his burdens. What will be easier, leave now, or take the chance on a decade or two later with no worthwhile work or educational history, no friends and no life outside of his control?
I am a man and I will say: please leave.
He is dangerous. He already is committing domestic violence towards you and have make a direct threat to assault you further.
I know leaving what you know will be difficult. I also am not going to pretend I can understand what your situation is like, because I cannot.
But people like this never improve. They only will treat you worse. In his view, you are his property. You aren’t a living, breathing, person with emotions to him.
Please leave.
Apart from leaving quietly make sure he doesn’t take ypur kids to Saudi Aribia. You will never see them again.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, collect evidence, exit quietly and be safe . Good luck.
Please please PLEASE take the advice you get here seriously and seek support and LEAVE him. Your kids deserve a mother and a healthy one at that.
lots of other people are saying this but i’ll add my voice to the mix if there’s any way it helps you know how serious it is.
you need to get somewhere safe. an outburst like this is _the last_ warning before he kills you, and maybe your children along with you. this is a dangerous man.
please, please, call a domestic violence hotline or your family or friends and find somewhere you will be safe. you cannot live in this man’s house any longer. _he will kill you_.
I would *highly recommend* ringing one of the domestic violence helplines and making an exit plan.
I was previously in a relationship where I was a victim of domestic violence and, the moment he tried to strangle me for a few seconds like this, it was game over. The statistics for your partner killing you *leap* once something like this has occurred.
You’re in danger right now. This is not a person to have another child with, not ever. This isn’t a person to remain married to.
You leave…the reason he got a 19 year old pregnant at 27 is because he wanted somebody easy to control (no offense)
That violence will only get worse, I would file a police report, talk to a lawyer and move in with family if you can