I am 30 year old male with a high sex drive. I am successful and am doing very well career wise, and I’m not bad looking, pretty charismatic, and I have been very sexually oriented my whole life. But I n relationships if I’m not getting physical affection and intimacy (even the non sexual kind) I struggle mentally.
I masturbate 1-2 times per day, and have since I was maybe 14 or so.
I have struggled with monogamy because when I feel emotionally close to anyone of the opposite sex, I want to have that ultimate closeness with them. Not that I always do but I always go there mentally and flirt and all of that.
I have been in long term relationships and really struggle if the person and the sex frequency tapers off. I go crazy mentally and I wonder if I have crazy expectations or if it’s my own ego that makes me focus so much on sex =love even when someone does a lot for me in other areas of a relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if I have conditioned myself to where sex is my highest reward mentally, and if I’ve created a problem due to this conditioning. In the alternative maybe it’s just me and I can’t avoid that.
Would love to hear others opinions who have dealt with this mental mindfuck.
4 comments
It sounds like you just enjoy sex. I’m a diagnosed hypersexual and trust me, being genuinely addicted to sex is a life destroyer.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex and intimacy. Sounds pretty normal to me.
It’s not that weird. A great number of people struggle with their sex drive. If the relationship doesn’t satisfy you, bring it up and try to solve it and if it doesn’t improve then move on if you want to. I’ve ended relationships myself due to them becoming too sexually stifling, so you’re absolutely not the only one.
You don’t sound hypersexual (which would be a medical condition associated with a problematically high sex drive).
You do, however, sound like you’ve carved certain psychological grooves around sex that are causing you some distress. Maybe this is too obvious a suggestion but have you considered therapy?
That sounds like a high libido to me but not *pathological.* Most relationships have some amount of libido mis-match but people still manage to feel satisfied and happy and loved (if everything else is good). If I were you I’d try to figure out what’s going on with “I really struggle if the sex frequency tapers off” and “if I’m not getting physical affection and intimacy (even the non sexual kind) I struggle mentally”. Those are absolutely legitimate needs but they are also problems that people have even if they only want sex once every week or two… it’s not about the absolute amount of sex, it’s about the relative amount of sex. Can you figure out if it’s strictly the sex that you need or some other kinds of affection are good too? What if you were madly in love with someone who physically couldn’t have sex for some reason, is there a way you could imagine that working out? When you’re in a relationship and it starts to go south, is it possible you’re really picking up on some (nonsexual) affection problem and then subconsciously translating it into a sex thing?