I (26f) have come to realise that I have deep feelings for my friend (37m). We used to work together and got on really well, occasionally flirted. But he was more senior than I (and I was a direct report) so nothing happened. We kept in touch after he left the job earlier this year – he always responded to messages but it was primarily me messaging first. We’ve levelled out a bit more now and talk a few times a week. We did eventually have an (albeit somewhat drunken) conversation where we agreed that we found each other attractive, but he’s never given any suggestion feelings run any deeper.
I knew I had feelings for him, but we had such a nice friendship I figured they’d just go away eventually. But when I saw him recently, it just hit me that that’s not going to be the case. I can’t have a satisfying platonic relationship with him. I’m incredibly sad, because I just don’t see a way around not cutting him out of my life.
My dilemma – do I come clean and admit everything? Or do I just back out of his life? I’m feeling like announcing it draws attention to it, whereas backing away he can just look back and say “aww that was a nice friendship, shame we lost touch”. But is it disrespectful to not be upfront? Am I doing myself a disservice?
My neurodivergent brain is feeling very loud and full at the moment and I can’t get my thoughts straight. Help?
1 comment
What do you have to lose – I say go for it! Either way your friendship will be impacted so you might as well lay your cards on the table so you can have a clear sense of things