I’m mid-30’sM, mostly busy, but even when my schedule opens up, hook-ups don’t attract me anymore. At least not for now. Guess coz I didn’t miss anything during my younger years and earlier this year the hookups just became more and more “empty”.… like I just feel “meh” afterwards regardless of how hot it was.
I’m not even ready for an LTR. Guess I can use this “phase” to work on myself.
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I stopped hooking up for good when I met somebody I really liked, she felt the same way about me, we fell in love, and we eventually got married. I’d had some relationships before then; hookups usually happened in intervals between them, in cases where there was enough of a mutual spark for sex to happen but not enough to sustain longer-term interest, and when there wasn’t some major prohibitive factor, I was generally open to hookups evolving into something more.
It sounds kind of like you deliberately keep the women you meet up with at arm’s length emotionally. I’d just recommend… not doing that. Being in a relationship with somebody you love who also loves you back is actually amazing, and I think that a lot of guys have kind of self-owned by internalizing narratives that lead them to try to prevent that from happening (to the point where they do baffling shit like not having sex with somebody again after the sex was really good the first time.)
Never had one, so I guess my answer is never
Pretty soon actually, when i was 17/18 i discovered it didn’t please me at all. I was just looking for love. But hookups always made me feel weird and looking back on it, it almost seems like it was a form of self harm
Lol, I’m 28 and over it
I was only ever “into” hook ups when I was a wild, partying college girl. When I was sober long enough to actually feel the feelings hook ups brought on, that’s when I realized hook ups are not for me. And neither is alcohol because it just kept me in a cycle of not feeling my feels and just spiraled out of control. 😅
Welcome to your personal growth and self discovery era!
27 and over it
I never had one.
I always needed an emotional connection with someone in order to have sex with them. Without that, sex is just, well, empty and useless.
I’ve never had one and i dont think i ever will. It’s just not something that peaks my interest
26m. Was in relationships from ages 18-19 and 21-24. Didn’t really have a hookup phase from 19-21. Then from 24-present I’ve had a weak interest in hookups (motivation: previous relationships were lacking in the sex department, so I don’t have much experience). Haven’t gotten any hookups though 😂
I guess it just shows I’m a relationship person through and through.
i’m currently 26 and i started engaging in hook ups right after i left my abusive relationship. It felt fun & freeing…until it didn’t lmao. It was fun for a while and then towards the end it just wasn’t satisfying. I realized that it doesn’t feel good unless i actually feel something for the said person. Commitment & intimacy is what i crave.
Must be nice….
28 and never had one.
Hook-ups are lame honestly. Most people feel the way you described without going through a hook up phase. You don’t have to be in a long-term relationship right away, but even starting a casual/short-term relationship/fling is better than random hookups. You can actually get to know someone for a bit and spend time with them, but not feel forced to fully commit if you’re not ready to or don’t think they’re a long term match.
My,my, my, times sure have changed. Hook up experience I had was a good 40 years ago. I was about 19-20 and it was good fun yet empty as you said. It managed to turn itself into a menage-a- trois but that is another story for another time. I’m now 57 and horny as ever but I haven’t experienced what you young folks call “hook ups” these days. Very rarely as a matter of fact. Every single one of my relationships that involved sex became relationships where some lasted for months and a number of them for years but I guess the point I’m trying to make is a generational experience. I guess through the years we have lost our moral compass and sleeping around has been a social norm and treated as such. A fleeting phase if you will. I’m worried for my kids. What type of society are they going to deal with as they navigate the new world. I shudder to think.
Never started, in lectures I learned about it’s detrimental effects on brain chemistry regarding long term attachment. Some people are better than others at compartmentalizing romantic longings from sexual desires. For others, emotions and touch naturally entwine, making casual sex harder to keep casual, despite the intentions. Research shows that women tend to have a harder time than men with preventing emotional attachment, and when this happens they are more prone to feeling used, depressed, regretful, or embarrassed after the fact. Also figured if I marry someone I wouldnt want them to feel sad about this sort of thing, because it would make me upset to be in their position.
Was 19/20 for me, big health scare (Aids in the early 90’s) put the clamps on hooking up for me though.
Having sex with someone I have a mutual, emotional, and deep connection with is 100x more satisfying for me. It ruined casual hookups by making them feel tawdry in comparison.
I never purposely had a “hook up phase” but I did have a “too young to realize men were faking romantic interest just to get into my pants” phase. I wised up at about age 22.
It never started.
I dragged my hookup phase out pretty long but slowed down once the back pain and big bills came around. I’m 34 now and yea I’m lonely and want some booty but I have so much other stuff that require my energy.
I have this phrase “people don’t change, they grow.” Here it would mean, we still sort of want to be hoes and have fun *not change*, but we have better sense now that we didn’t have before to help us make smarter decisions that are productive to our lives *growth*. Part of that growth can manifest as not even being interested anymore but it’s still on your mind or you wouldn’t be here.
I have had more than my fair share of casual encounters and realized it was over for me when I stopped enjoying sex…it became meaningless and boring…it started to feel empty and I was never satisfied after so I started to ask myself, well what’s the point? To help someone else nut? You know when you’d rather stay home and take care of yourself than go out and feel the touch of someone’s body that it’s time to take a break.
Then I met someone who I could connect with and talk to and who I could feel genuinely enjoyed spending time together. We waited a few weeks before we had sex, which was also a bit new for me since I can sometimes have impulse control issues. I’m 47F and he’s 53M, and it is so nice when you can have sex with someone and NOT be rushed to jump out of bed since being able to cuddle and have conversations makes it so much better.
hookups are only decent when there’s a level of camadarie, respect, and physical attraction present BUT there’s something direly incompatible about the person, wether it’s their personal history or physical features, or perhaps a lack of mental health, that would make a relationship with them unappealing.
hookups without sufficient levels of these aspects are gross or boring, and hookups where all the stars align are painful (never had this, but it would be painful I’d imagine).
I don’t think it’ll ever be over now.
I hate it, I can’t stand hook ups. But it’s all that’s available these days.
Age 26. Suddenly it became really important to me to be home by a “reasonable time” and not spent time out with someone, even for a hookup.
The only hookup I have is with my bed, getting those 8+ hours.
I don’t think I ever had a “phase,” so much as just always having looked at sex as something that’s no big deal. I’m in my late 20s now, and I have less than zero desire to put any effort into chasing anyone for either a hookup OR a serious relationship. In the past, I put in effort to try and get hookups (with moderate success, I’d say my body count is somewhere around 70). Nowadays, I couldn’t imagine putting effort into swiping on the apps or putting out the time commitment to keep a girl interested long enough to make plans.
I’ll never be a monk, though – if some cute thang at the bar makes some flirty eye contact, then I’ll absolutely strike up some conversation and see if I can get her to come home with me. I’m just not putting in time effort or money anymore into going out with that as my primary goal.
It’s still going strong, actually…
When people stopped fucking me
About the same I was in my thirties when I started wanting more and needing a little more to feel satisfied sexually as well as emotionally and mentally.
The exact same way as you. No matter how good the sex was I was just like meh. So I stopped.
28m and feel like I’m in the beginning of the last hookup phase. I started hooking up at age 21, very inexperienced before that. Did that for 2 years before depression and COVID hit and here we are now. I’m in a much better place right now. Also physically, during the previous hookup phase I lived in a frat house and never had any money. So I just feel like going on actual dates and take a random trip to a foreign country for some days with a girl I barely know. Or travel and meet people there without any obligations towards someone.
I’d like to experience a different type of hookup though, like a friend with benefits. Have mainly had the drunk escapades and never had the confidence I have now. Lately have had more success than ever. Also I don’t settle for a girl who basically takes me home, but instead take more risks, so I’m not done jet exploring myself in this way. I have just started a job so am very busy. So I think something without too many obligations could fit this life phase, before I start having kids which I eventually would want.
About 4 years ago, at 32.
Partly because my libido is not as crazy high as it was but i also realised that a big part of hooking up was just the validation of a girl choosing to fuck me.
I’m more self confident now and have had enough women for the novelty to wear off. I still enjoy sex but i don’t pursue it like i used to. I’d rather have an exclusive relationship.
When I connected with someone who deserves more from me