As the title says, I am a 19 year old straight guy and I am scared of not finding a significant other to spend my life with. I know I am not in a good position to say this because I haven’t really looked much for a partner either.
Basically I never had a girlfriend so no romantic experience, the only thing I have is my passion for love novels and romance fictions. And I would like to start dating but I don’t know where to start, where to look for people like myself and what to expect. I see so many people my age or older, only looking for casual sex, fwb and that say they don’t believe in love anymore and I don’t really blame them, but all this negativity and sexualization of the concept makes be feel like what I want is too unrealistic for my circumstances.
I want to have one of those corny ltr with the purpose of finding a wife. And yes, I’m not saying I am asexual, even though I am a virgin, but I think love is more than just having sex. I just want to find someone that wants that too. And I would like her to be like me for the better or worse, and by this I mean to think and have the same expectations and passions or similar with mine.
I am open to any suggestions regarding what I should do, if it’s bad to try and look for a ltr in college or if it’s the best choice for someone like me. And where and how should I look for someone like this and hopefully ask them out and let them know what I want.
TL;DR! I am unexperienced both romantic and sexual relationships. All I want Is a wholesome beautiful ltr for the purpose of having a happy life with a significant other and I am scared by the negativity people throw at the concept like it’s not even worth it. I don’t know if I’m too unrealistic or what to do.
3 comments
You’re young. You have time. As for now, focus on building yourself…build a career, hit the gym, enjoy being young and single. When you’re ready, love will show up unexpectedly.
You’ve got a long way to go and a long road ahead of you. I’m 34M and I’ve been dating since I was 14. I too feel like I may not find that person but I’m a step closer.
My real advice to you is work on yourself and the girl will come. Sounds cliche but it’s true. I promise. When you’re not looking, she will come to you and when you go looking, you end up finding the wrong one. Now don’t let that be confused with the pursuit. If you find yourself in a position where you have the chance to shoot your shot… then shoot your shot.
I will also say you need to get out there and date. You may date a bunch of people that aren’t the one but that’s how you play this relationship game. Dating allows you to find out what you want, what you don’t want, what you like/dislike, what you can tolerate etc. you can always use a dating app and just simply meet other girls and get to know them. Dating apps (real dating apps and not tinder) will up your opportunity for a match with someone who is also available for dating. This rules out trying to approach someone in public and taking a chance.
I’ve had 5 long term relationships and they are a lot of work. You learn a lot each time. There’s no one shot and hit the mark. You’ll have a few before you find the one. Good luck.
Kind of echoing what’s already been said here.
I’m a 24 year old M, turning 25 soon. A lot of what you’re saying reminds me of myself when I was your age. I started dating a girl when I was 19 and things ended fairly recently.
If you want to be in a relationship, make sure you’re doing it for the right reason. Similar passions, connection, and charisma in a person are important, but they are not the bedrock of any relationship. Being a supportive, kind, and caring person who shows up for their partner goes a lot further than liking the same movies, books, anime or whatever. You have to be a strong person to be in a relationship, so work on that.
You have a long way ahead of you, but that’s okay. Embrace it. Find out who you are and continue cultivating your own independence. Be stable in yourself before looking for a partner, and you’ll likely attract one naturally. If you haven’t even graduated college, this will be harder to do, but it’s not impossible. That’s because you still have a lot to discover.
On campus is the best place to meet all kinds of girls. Get out. Go to the library, the commons, etc. Get involved with a cause or group at your school. But don’t do so for the sole sake of finding a partner, do the things that make you a better you.
At the end of the day, being happy with yourself is the first step to a happy relationship. I wasn’t happy with myself, nor was my ex-partner with herself, when our relationship started. That rift went a long way, and we realized we weren’t equipped to be there for each other in the end.
Keep cultivating yourself. Best of luck mate.