This is the first time I’ve ever made a post on here but I need some sort of advice I think or just to get this off of my chest. My boyfriend, M 32 and I F 23 broke up a few months ago randomly. We had no issues prior to the breakup and the last time we have had a serious argument was over a year prior.
He never told me why he wanted to break up but that he was depressed with where he is at in life, I guess. He told me he didn’t want to and that our relationship was the best he has ever had with anyone but he felt like he needed to. I was shocked beyond belief and I just couldn’t believe that this had happened without us even discussing anything about it. I’ve been so upset, sad and angry with him for not giving me a why. He just says “I don’t know why we broke up”
We work together so we see each other constantly. At first we didn’t really speak with each other but since sometime in October we started getting super close again and it made me feel that we were heading in the direction of getting back together. Most of my belongings are still at his house and I still have a good amount of his belongings at mine, anytime I would bring up giving each other out stuff back he would tell me “well what if we get back together in the future” and it would be left at that.
Prior to our breakup I had bought us tickets to a football game that is suppose to be played around Christmas time, it is his favorite team and I had gotten us seats that were super close to the field, I knew he would’ve loved the gift. He ended up finding out about the tickets a month or two after we broke up and I had brought it up to him after we started getting close again, that I still had the tickets and I had not sold them just in case we had gotten back together by then. We went back and forth with the idea and the other day he told me that he was wanting to go and then after we would drive to spend Christmas with his family ( the whole reason we went back and forth was because the game is 3 hours from where we live and he didn’t want to drive to the game, back to where we live to bring me home and then drive another 3 hours in the opposite direction to get to his family member’s house in the same day).
I had asked him that since we were going and that I would be spending Christmas with him and his family if that meant we were getting back together or was it just as friends. He had told me just as friends and I just got so angry because I don’t want to spend my Christmas uncomfortable around him and his family. Nothing against his family , I love them. But it’s just the idea of going and they all know we are broken up. It’s just weird to me. He wants me to think about it. I spent almost 2 grand on these tickets and I don’t want to go if we are just friends, should I sell them? Or should I tell him if he wants to go as just friends he can give me the money it cost for his ticket.
I’m just so confused because for months he has been going back and forth with me. Being so hot and cold. He wants to know what I am doing, who I am with, mad if guys talk to me, calls me or blows up my phone if I don’t text him back within an hour because he is worried that I am with someone else. I’ve been just waiting hoping I can get answers as to why we broke up and just hoping we will get back together, because I really do love him and care about him. I would do anything for him. I just feel stupid for continuously getting my feelings hurt by him going around in circles and being so wishy washy with me. I just don’t know what I should do .. I recently have asked him if I can just get a why regarding our breakup and it’s still the same answer
“I don’t know, I don’t have an answer”
Should I just give up, try to give up on the idea that I won’t be getting closure and try and move on? We were in a very serious relationship, and had started talking about marriage and discussing rings and blah blah blah. Not right away , we wanted to wait until I graduate from my nursing school. Was he scared of the severity of our relationship? I just don’t know, I am sorry this is all over the place. I just didn’t want this to be a super long story about everything that has happened after we broke up . Just highlighting random bits and pieces.
14 comments
Oh, Reddit, the land of eternal youth and questionable relationship choices. It seems like every other post I stumble upon involves a 30+ year-old man entangled in a romantic escapade with a 23-year-old, and let’s just say the outcomes aren’t always the stuff of fairy tales. It’s like a never-ending saga of questionable decisions and mismatched expectations. If only I had a dollar for every time I shook my head in disbelief while scrolling through these tales of love gone awry, I’d be sipping cocktails on a tropical island by now. But hey, who am I to judge? Love knows no age, right? Or maybe it’s just a case of misplaced optimism and a dash of mid-life crisis. Either way, Reddit never fails to provide us with a front-row seat to the rollercoaster of human relationships. Buckle up, folks, because it’s going to be a wild ride.
Edit: but hey, sorry that happened to you
He prob found someone else tbh . No point in trying to understand should just block him and move on. You deserve better.
Sell the tickets and cut bait on him. He sounds weird and controlling, like he wants it both ways, plus not being able to give you a straight reason for the breakup is just sad.
Also please, paragraphs, thanks.
Tbh i’d def assume that he found someone else, perhaps not for a serious relationship but atleast seeing with someone…and then he figured to keep you hanging as an option if that other thing goes south…Now he’s amusing you cuz he wanna go on that game. Sell the tickets and get something nice for yourself. This guy is just playing and leading you on at this point, so f* him.
Screw him he is playing you sweetie. The truth is he is seeing someone else. If he’s going to be split up then what you do is none of his business. In fact it will surprise me if he’s not seeing someone else. You deserve better just cut him loose and don’t respond to anything.
Whatever your gut says is probably right. The problem sounds like it’s entirely on his side being unhappy with where he is or scared of being too serious with you. I broke up with a woman once and she said “you’re one of those guys who gets serious and runs”. She was right. I hope God forgives me for hurting her.
He wants the tickets. And he wants you as an option unless he finds something better. Move on.
Yeah leave him where’s he’s at. Sorry girly but there’s another women in his life. Sell the tickets and stop being so responsive to him because he knows he’s got you wrapped around his finger
there is a reason someone his age dates someone so much younger and it’s because someone his age wouldn’t put up with his crap and immaturity. you are now seeing part of it and why. stay broken up. I’m sorrynit hurts and he gave no explanation but he is an immature pos.
First of all, you are very young, you will be a nurse.
You have plenty of possible good men who want to be in a stable and respectful relationship.
If he is not capable of talking to you straight about what happened, he does not deserve your love.
About the tickets, if he doesn’t show respect and love for you and wants to come back to you, sell the tickets, or go with another significant one, he will be very happy to go with you.
Same thing happened to me a year ago with my ex. Let me let you in on a secret—forget him and invest in yourself. You’ll find youll stop caring and attract people who will invest and care about you. Likely this dude will also come crawling back when you have your confidence back, but hopefully you’ll be long past considering get back with this ass.
Oh, and sell the tickets.
Thank you everyone for the advice. I plan on selling the tickets and distancing myself from him more.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. There’s enough unanimous advice on this thread but I’ll just concur: (1) this is emotional manipulation by him. Don’t allow him to jerk you around any more. His behavior should not even qualify him to be a friend in your life. (2) sell the tickets as soon as possible. (3) pick up hobbies or other activities that could be helpful in taking your mind off this now-expired relationship, and take as long as you need to heal. So that later you will be ready to share you heart with a kind, trustworthy man who is ACTUALLY worth your time. —signed, a 28F who desperately wants other young women to remember their worth and put themselves first.
He wants his cake and eat it too. He’s effing another gal and keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn’t work out with the new gal