My parents divorced and a couple days ago was my 17th b-day. There is a girl in my school that’s been giving me some hard time since the start of HS. I have my own group of friends and so does she. It was only with me that she acted mean, gave an attitude to and took a great disliking towards.
I’ve just received a long message from her on FB hours ago and I haven’t replied back yet because this was so unexpected. It took me by surprise. She apologized for everything and confessed to always being a lesbian but it’s a secret within her family. She explained that she never hated me but instead has romantic feelings for me from the very start of our freshman year but can’t let anyone know or else some people in school can discriminate her and her reputation can drop. I appreciate her apology but I’m straight. I have no romantic feelings for her. What can I reply to her? I haven’t answered her yet but want to.
TLDR: A girl in my school whom I (17 F) thought hated me admitted to be a lesbian and having a crush on me from the start. This took me by surprise and I haven’t replied back to her yet.
23 comments
Do nothing.
Don’t discount the possibility that this is just a ruse to force you into a compromising situation/create fuel for more harassment.
You have no obligation to her, only to protect yourself. Ignore the message. Live your best life.
A few questions to answer for yourself.
Did she bully you, or did you „just get the feeling“?
What would you write if it was a guy?
If she bullied you, you don’t owe her anything.
You also don’t have to go down to her level, but if you do feel you need to write something mean, well, she would probably deserves no better.
But nothing good comes from pain, so there is always the option to be the better human being.
If not you could politely tell her, that her secret is safe with you but you do not have feelings for her because you are not into women’s. And that if she wants to find someone who answers her feelings she shouldn’t be cold to them to hide the fact that she is into them.
She’s playing you. If you respond positively she will use it against you.
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“Thanks for the apology. Wish you all the best.”
You aren’t obliged to be nice to her when she was nasty to you and, if true, you aren’t interested in a relationship anyway. And as others have said, it may be untrue and just a ploy to find a way to be nasty to you again.
Don’t answer. You’re not interested in a relationship – friends or otherwise so no need to give her any time or energy. Better if you don’t engage at all she seems a little unhinged and toxic.
“Hey, really appreciate the apology. Takes a strong person to apologise.
As for being a lesbian, cool – I’m not so sadly, beyond potentially a platonic friendship, not much I can really offer.
As for your secret, that’s between us. I have no intention of telling anyone your business or making you the target of harassment or Ill will”
This feels like part of the plot of an American Horror Stories 2 part episode I watched. I’d be super wary of this girl and just leave it at “Thanks but no thanks.
I appreciate your struggles, but your challenges in life do not give you the right to treat me poorly. I’m glad you’re doing some self-reflection and getting to know yourself better now. I wish you all the best.
Ah, High school… I’d just ignore it as it isn’t your circus nor your monkeys. And look forward to drifting away from this individual and the drama that comes from the school.
Either give something clear but neutral or don’t reply. I’ve had a bully exactly like this (minus the crush and apology). You could also just block her but I didn’t as she came out far later than that and was no longer relevant in my life.
Be careful it could be a mind game she playing with u .
Bullies are ruthless, kid. Trust me, I know. They prey on your good nature. Never trust them. Don’t respond at all. If she comes to talk to you in person, tell her you’re not really interested in knowing how she feels about you because the way she has been treating you can never be justified by anything. Keep to yourself, bullies will be bullies, bullies never change.
You don’t have to accept her apology. Being gay didn’t make her lash out like this. She chose that. But it would be the mature thing to do to respect her wishes by keeping it a secret.
I’d say that I appreciate the apology, it sucked how you treated me. I have no reason to tell anyone about any of your secrets so don’t worry about that. Then up to you if you want to say you don’t feel the same way. You don’t really owe her anything. Really up to you what you’re comfortable with. I’d say it’s implied that you’re not interested but some people are dense and need to be told that it’s not going to happen.
Anyway. Good luck
>What can I reply to her?
this is pretty good:
> I appreciate her apology but I’m straight. I have no romantic feelings for her.
being direct without being rude is best
Be sensitive. Remember you both are teenagers. Your emotions are complex and not easily understood and she made an attempt at an explanation and an apology. Although you owe her nothing, acknowledge that she gave you her truth and let her down gently.
It sounds like you might be getting set up.
Just ghost her totally and completely.
Just say you appreciate her apology and you wish her luck in her future endeavours.
After that, I’d block her on everything. Who would to be even friends with a person who is so mean-spirited?
Another thing to consider is that her “confession” could be a ruse to get you talking and revealing something very personal or admit some feelings for her so she can show her friends and laugh about it later.
Again, thank her and block her.
Lesbian here. First off, you’re not obligated to reply. If you don’t have anything to say, that’s okay. If you genuinely do want to send a reply, I’d keep it short and simple. “Thanks for the apology, good luck in life.” Her struggling with her sexuality isn’t an excuse to be mean. You’re not wrong for still being upset (if you are)
Just write back and say “No problem with you being gay. Lots of problems with you treating me like shit. Let’s just call it quits here.”
You do you, but I don’t believe in opening up to mean people or bullies too easily or quickly. Not only do they have it in them to be mean and put you down, they’ve already done it. Who’s to say she won’t at another point in time turn around on you again?
Personally, I’d say something along the lines of “That’s nice and I wish you the best, but I’m not going to be friends with someone who was that mean. Maybe at another point in the future we might get along. Have a good life, tho. Genuinely.”
Wow this is a stooory
I remember how people can be so awful to each other in HS. How can you choose compassion without encouraging her crush?
I might thank her for explaining and tell her that you are straight, yet you understand more now about why she acted as she did. Assure her you will keep her confidence.