I’m 30 and following a breakdown of my 7 year relationship, and the recent unaliving of my best and only real friend, I’m facing my first xmas alone this year, and its kind of daunting.
I was wondering if anyone could share some advice, either things to do, or maybe just a positive outlook on things. I’m already sick of the family adverts on TV, or my co-workers sharing their plans.. but I’d rather feel a bit of cheer than be a total grinch. hard as that may be.
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Edit: I really appreciate everyone who took the time to make their suggestions. There’s some land near where I live, where I used to hang out with my friend back in the school days. I think I’m going to go for a walk, and maybe find the courage to take his ashes with me. And like others have said, I might call in at the local and see if I can maybe get chatting to some people. Thanks for making it seem a little less daunting.
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I have family, wife, daughters, most of my family is gone, mom and dad are still living but live 700 miles away, I have a sister, 4 cousins. Xmas is the worst for me, I don’t like it and feel out of place every year. Hang in there life changes month by month it seems. All my aunts are gone no grandparents my real father is dead and he never wanted my sister and I anyway, I refused to talk to him and I won’t communicate with anyone from that side, it’s too late they should of done something when I was a child, Xmas is just another day!!!
Give yourself something to look forward to such as a new gameand if you are like me avoid alcohol which only increases the depression.
Drugs and hookers
Maybe look for some volunteer opportunities. Getting some small cheaper gifts and going to a senior home, soup kitchen, maybe sponsor a lower income family.
I have spent a Christmas or two alone during periods of struggle in my my now defunct marriage. Celebrate on your own. Decorate if you are into decorating normally. Plan a holiday meal of you favorite foods (not necessarily holiday foods), make your favorite cocktail or buy you favorite beer, wine or liquor (very important do not get drunk), plan a movie marathon of some sort, and buy yourself some nice “gifts” with the money you’ll be saving from not having to buy for others (even if you do buy gifts for the SO still buy yourself something(s)) If you exercise plan a PR for the holidays. If the opportunity exists, join some friends or extended family for their celebrations (but don’t be a mope and talk only of your relationship problems).
I have found that dwelling on the “aloneness” is counterproductive and is what really makes a holiday alone shitty.
Don’t spend it alone. Get out there and find someplace to volunteer. Maybe it’s a soup kitchen, maybe it’s a senior center, just be around other people.
Ask your friends if you can spend Christmas with them.
Volunteer at a local charity.
Video games and delivery the day before.
It’s fucking awesome.
After breaking up with my ex and having to leave her and the kids, it’s rough and I feel you.
If you have family, try to spend it with them. Also, try to live in the moment and keep yourself busy, so you don’t think of all of the previous Christmas years.
Gotta find a way to frame your mind to be happy and optimistic about the future. It’s incredibly difficult to get there. It fucking sucks. But, it’s just one day. There is a whole world out there, and the hard part is getting excited about it again.
You were someone before the relationship. Find that person again.
I’d agree with the no moping advice. It’s possible to enjoy your own company and have time to think and process things, but try not to ruminate and dwell on it for too long at a time.
When the weather allows, get outside, walk, go see some greenery rather than the same four walls, and daylight.
Enjoy food. Doesn’t have to be traditional, if you want tacos, eat tacos – whatever, just make sure it’s good and satisfying.
Don’t drink to numb the pain and isolation, but have a few drinks by all means. If it’s not hitting the spot, try doing something else. Perhaps a coffee.
Point is, you’re going to feel like crap if you let yourself slide freely. Allow time for the lows, but make sure you drag yourself up again.
My wife and child are visiting her parents across the country for the holidays and I’m stuck working. But on those off days boooooy am I finally gonna enjoy my PS5 in peace and drink good whiskey and smoke fat cigars and eat take aways every night and make a huge mess in the house and then spring clean the day before they come back XD Time flies when you’re having fun. Make the most of it!
I have an open invitation to celebrate christmas with my family, if you want and are able to you are welcome at our house, in sweden though.🤷♂️
How do you “handle” a weekend alone as a man?
You could do meth or some other fun psychoactive substance
Enjoy the peace and quiet. Go out for a hike and disconnect for a bit.
Self reflection is a good thing.
The year I divorced my wife and realized mentally and emotionally that I wanted to be around nobody for Christmas, partially due to my family putting alot of blame on me for the result of the separation, I decided to travel. If that’s doable for you, I’d definitely try it. I had a blast with my own company, getting out in nature, escaping the winter confines of this state and getting some real sunshine. Played golf, hiked some trails within national parks, did my own thing. It was phenomenal. I tend to seek independence when things go south
Make an effort to make and maintain friendships. Go somewhere regularly to meet people, and be friendly, and eventually a few of them may become your friends.
Maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. There’s always people who need help, and providing that help can help your mental well being.
Consider donating money or time to the Elsa fortunate. Go on a hike.
I’ve made the active decision to spend Christmas alone and I am really looking forward to it. Will get some nice food in. Sleep in. Have a bath. Call my family. It’ll be bliss.
Drugs. Take a lot of them and get wasted. Turn on one of those Yule Log shows on the TV. Get a strand of lights and just hang them where you can see them. Then get stoned out of your mind and watch the lights dance around. Order some chinese takeout when you’re hungry. It’s a good time.
Look for some volunteer opportunities. Soup kitchen, local charity etc.
> I was wondering if anyone could share some advice, either things to do, or maybe just a positive outlook on things.
I make myself a christmas dinner. Watch one of my favourite movies. Have a few drinks if I feel like it. Gonna get myself some nice chocolates. Was considering my gift for myself this year being a new tattoo but that didn’t work out, so I might buy something else.
People are mostly busy with their own families and stuff so if I want, I can pretty much have a full day to myself.
I’ve spent christmas with other people’s families before, that just makes me sadder, as nice as the gesture is.
Honestly, all of my december plans so far have kinda fallen to shit and the last one probably will too – all due to circumstances out of my control, so I’m just starting work on new years resolutions so I hit the ground running in January. I kind of just want it to be January 2nd already.
Just another day buddy.
Divorced single father where we take turns hosting on holidays. So for the first time in my life I have experienced Thanksgiving alone and this year I’ll have Christmas alone.
All of my friends are married with families of their own so it’s just me.
It does kind of suck, and in order to distract from that I I’ve made those solo holidays days of epic indulgence. Only the best, and only for me. Food, drink, weed, new highly anticipated video game, good movie I have been wanting to see, etc.
It’s a holiday, why not treat yourself to whatever it is you enjoy at the top of your budget? Even if you are by yourself, you can still make it a special occasion. So bust open that vintage bottle or whatever it is that you think is special and enjoy the fuk out of it!
This will be my third one since my wife of 24 years passed away. I talk to family and friends on the phone. And other things to keep occupied. Good luck and try your best have a great Christmas.
When i was born i had a very, very small family. Now almost everyone is dead except my dad and he’s remarried to a woman with very successful kids (doctor and lawyer) and seemingly forgot i existed.
For years, thanksgiving and Christmas meant only one thing. I’d go this specialty beer store and get some craazy dank single bottles of some high octane craft stout that looks like used motor oil 🤤(10+abv) a few days ahead and put together a charcuterie board for myself, all in maaaaybe ~$100. And then have an uninterrupted Skyrim session all day and night while i go full bliss mode
I researched the origin of Christmas and how it was stolen from the Pagans by the Christians. Then factor in all the capitalist/commercialism bull shit and then you’re left with a feeling like, I don’t want anything to do with this nonsense.
I celebrate Hanukkah
Hallucinatory drugs
At 30 I also broke things off with a 7 year relationship which was tough. If family is not an option I recommend:
1. Avoid drinking/substances
2. Come up with a plan that is an xmas present to yourself, like a gift, a dinner and activity that are really something you love. Like have a 2 day play for 24th and 25th.
3. Throw yourself into productive pursuits the other days (work/gym)
4. Think about that Dec 20th to Jan 4 period as a deadzone of productivity and social obligations so you can get a bunch of stuff done you always put off, like read that book or reorganize a room in the home.
5. If you have no good idea for an activity, volunteer for something. There are plenty of people worse off than you and seeing it and helping is nice.
By being Jewish.
You’ll be fine, Jewish and Muslim people do it all the time and they number in the millions. It ain’t all about you, pal.
In the past, I spent the day being sad and wondering how did I get here. My kids are adults now. They come over for breakfast, we eat, drink and be merry. After they leave, I typically do the whole “I’m getting older, where did my life and my friends go, I miss my father” and the rest of that business. Last year, I sat at home alone tripping sack off mushrooms while my girlfriend did her family Christmas stuff at her moms and then again at her dads. I had a freaking blast by myself. Plan on doing the same thing again this year. I plan to hero-dose the shit out of some strong ass mushies and enjoy my day. Some years old-school friends will have had enough of their wives or husbands and come over for a Christmas day smoke session. We’ll smoke out, have a few drinks, eat some snacks and give each other complete hell.
As I type this, I’ve come to realize being almost 50 and an empty nester is much like being young and starting over again, but doing it alone. Nothing wrong with that. Everything in life is based on your perspective. You can chose to make this be a positive thing or a depressing thing. All in how you look at it. I hope this helps. Just remember, when Christmas day arrives and your mind begins to wonder, just know that I’ll be tripping my nuts off and having a damn good time.
Go work and volunteer in a battered woman’s or Veterans or homeless shelter and it will put into perspective your problems versus people who really are going through challenging life obstacles! While it feels like you’re standing on the edge and staring into the abyss, the reality is they are closer than you are…
Pretty easily. I’m a Hindu.
I buy myself gifts and listen to Christmas music because they’re bangers. Maybe drive around and look at lights, maybe have a little eggnog, extra boozy if ya like, and enjoy my damn self.
I once went snowboarding alone on Christmas day and it was great. Mostly a bunch of other single dudes, ages 30-50, just enjoying a nice day on the slopes. With the added benefit of the restaurants being open, so you have access to food and drink, which can sometimes be tough to find on Christmas day.