I (19M) have a girlfriend (19F) and I love her so much, but I sometimes masturbate to things like porn/celebrities and I feel like a terrible boyfriend. The other night it was our anniversary too and I fell into it again. The guilt is getting to me every time I’m out with her or think about her. I feel like I don’t deserve her and I’m such a bad boyfriend for this. I feel like a terrible cheater. I’m so sorry.
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Tl;dr: I find myself masturbating to porn/celebrities and I feel like a terrible boyfriend, especially on our anniversary.
10 comments
You have a porn addiction.
There are ways to overcome it. But you won’t be able to do without any help.
Is it affecting your sex life or relationship aside from you feeling guilty? It’s okay to have fantasies or get a little help relieving yourself, what matters is who you are intimate with and choose to open up emotionally to. Fantasies can’t replace that.
Lots of healthy relationships involve porn, as long as it doesn’t affect your expectations from the relationship, it doesn’t matter. It’s not cheating.
Every male still masturbates. Even if your wife gives you enough, sometimes you just want to have some alone time. The problem is how much you do it and how it makes you feel.
That’s not cheating, dude. She’s doing the same thing when you’re not around. If you feel Ike you are doing it too much though, or it’s affecting your ability to be a good emotionally-available partner, then try to make a change. Read up on some literature and try to figure out why you’re doing it. You might need to exercise more, or maybe you have some clinical depression or anxiety.
Okay, let’s put things into perspective here. You’re beating yourself up (or off) over something that’s pretty normal for a lot of people. Masturbating to porn or celebrities doesn’t automatically make you a terrible boyfriend. It’s a common thing, – you do know this right? Unless you’re part of some religious cult or living in a cave. The world of adult entertainment wouldn’t be a multi-billion dollar industry if that weren’t the case.
Now, let’s address the guilt you’re feeling. It’s important to understand why you feel this way. Is it because of personal values, societal expectations, or something else? Guilt can sometimes come from a mismatch between our actions and our values. If that’s the case, it’s worth exploring what your values are around sexuality and relationships.
However, it’s crucial to differentiate between feeling guilty for doing something that genuinely goes against your values and feeling guilty because of unrealistic expectations or misinformation. Masturbating is a normal part of human sexuality. It only becomes a problem if it interferes with your daily life, your relationship, or your mental health.
Now, about feeling like you don’t deserve your girlfriend because of this – that’s a huge leap. Being a good partner isn’t determined by whether or not you watch porn. It’s about how you treat each other, how you communicate, how you respect each other, and how you support each other.
And remember, you’re not a terrible cheater for masturbating. Cheating typically involves breaking agreed-upon boundaries within a relationship. Unless you and your girlfriend have specifically agreed that watching porn is off-limits, you’re not cheating. But if she thinks jerking off amounts to cheating – well, you’re dating a weirdo. I say that with respect.
In short, take a deep breath. This is not the massive issue you’re making it out to be. Reflect on your values, communicate with your partner, and give yourself a break. You’re human, and it’s okay.
Ok? Unless your gf made you promise not to watch any porn I don’t see the issue.
And even then I think most normal people would agree that not allowing your partner to masturbate would be crossing several lines.
If this is just some dumb religious thing then I don’t think this is a relationship thing and you might want to go to the appropriate religion sub.
Don’t listen to these guys. You feel guilty because it is wrong and it definitely does affect your relationship, if not now you for sure will see the consequences in the future. Just because many people do it, it doesn’t automatically make it right or healthy. To have self discipline and set your mind to respect your girlfriend and only have this intimate experience with her will benefit you both in the long run. People that normalise masturbating and fantasising over other people are more likely to cheat in the future and get bored of their current partner. If you want a happy and healthy family, it’s good to work on this discipline. Good luck! It’s not impossible but it is very hard indeed.
As someone who is a (19F) dating an (18M) I can say confidently I would be very hurt if my boyfriend was getting off to other women. The idea of it makes me feel very insecure. Recently I found nsfw posts/videos saved on his Reddit from before we dated that he never deleted and I’ve felt awful since due to them looking nothing like me. I’d say it’s time to have a talk with your girlfriend to hear how she feels about it because some girls don’t care but a lot of girls like myself do. And if she does care, you would be breaking her boundary and if getting off to other girls is something you can’t live without then maybe you guys shouldn’t date for the sake of your girlfriends mental health. But please please don’t keep this secret when it could be something that would hurt her that you’re continually choosing to do despite knowing this possibility.
If you’re saving yourself for marriage, masturbating is nowhere near cheating. Stop beating yourself up over something that everyone does.
You are in your own head.
I’m married. I masterbate daily.
My wife masterbates multiple times a week.
We gave sex at least once a day…normally multiple times a day.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.