I’m in a complete predicament and don’t know what to do.
My husband and I met when I was 17 and he was 19. We met online and met in person three months after we started talking. I also dropped out of my dream uni and moved in with him around this time due to a cocktail of events featuring my abusive parents that is just too much to explain. Three months later we got married because it was the only way I could get FAFSA money for school, as my dad makes too much. Fast forward to now, about two and a half years later.
My life feels ruined. I was studying at my dream uni and dropped it all and what am I doing? Living in a sh*t apartment in the exact kind of town I worked so hard my entire life to get out of, barely making ends meet, with one friend and going to online uni. Potential bipolar on top of this. To top it all of, my husband wants a future that involves a bunch of kids and dogs and a farm. The older I get the more I realize that this isn’t the life I want at all, even if I thought it was for a long time. That’s his life, not mine. I don’t want kids, in fact, I hate them. I refuse to give birth so even if we did go through with kids, I can’t justify wasting money on a surrogate for a kid I don’t even want. I don’t want dogs either- I hate them too. I want to travel, live in different countries. I don’t want to settle down, ever. But I’m stuck. Going back to live with my parents isn’t an option- they are abusive and controlling. I can’t afford to live on my own either. I feel so so stuck and lost and I don’t know what to do.
TLDR: My husband and i got together when we were both young and now I feel trapped and don’t know what to do.
1 comment
It’s always hard to give advice as you know how you feel and what you want much better. But it seems to me the reason you are staying with him is because you feel you have to, not because you want to. There is nothing wrong with wanting to travel, not wanting kids or pets, everyone is different and you absolutely should follow what makes you happy, and if you want find someone that shares that with you. It may not be easy but I think the first step is to make a decision you want that change. It will take time to do but at least then you can out your energy into make that real, I’ve always found that can relieve the stress even if work to be done.