A girl I use to talk to last August texted me about three weeks ago and we started talking. In the past it was never serious and in fact I ended up leaving her on read because I never thought we’d go anywhere. But, for whatever reason she wanted to try again and we hit it off. She was funny, sweet and super hard working. She is 21 and lives in California where she is graduating college and I’m 22 and am in New York right now graduating college as well. She has been extremely stressed about finals the past few weeks because she is trying to get into nursing school and she feels as thought getting in to nursing school would make her grandmother proud. About two days ago she started acting funny. She was always out going and texted me back quick and frequently but then the responses became an hour later or a lot shorter. Something changed and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I’d ask her and she’d say she was just having a bad day or needed to sleep. But yesterday she told me she was really upset and she couldn’t stop thinking about her grandmother who passed away abruptly and without warning in December. She’s mentioned her grandmother quiet a bit and I know they were extremely close. Her grandmother and her lived together, did school work together, everything they did was together. I know her grandmothers birthday was last week and she was initially fine but I can tell she is definitely sad because of that and I couldn’t blame her. Last night we talked for a while and then out of nowhere she said she was tired and having a bad day and then hung up. Never saying goodnight or anything. She then texted me around lunch today saying “Hey, so I thought about it and I’m not ready for a relationship rn. I just have a lot going on”. This is a little weird to me because it’s not like I was pushing for a relationship, I mean we both said we weren’t talking to anyone else and we liked each other and planned to hang out in a month or two but that was it. I mean it’s not like I was begging her to date me or vise versa. It just feels so strange that it ended this way. I didn’t respond to her last text because I don’t know what really there is too say. She had told me yesterday nothing was wrong with us and I just don’t really understand. Advice?
TL;DR : A girl I had hit it off with all of a sudden has a lot going on and doesn’t want to talk anymore advice?
3 comments
lol ya it happens. U both r on complete opposites of the USA and she may not be feeling the same way about you as you do for her (aka u want to keep talking to her and she doesn’t want to keep talking to u).
Nothing happened – she just said she wasn’t interested in continuing the relationship. It happens ❤️ Be gucci to urself and try not to fret on it too much.
It sounds like yeah, something is going on, and she’s either not ready or doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it with you.
Think about what she needs to feel safe/secure talking more openly with you. Sometimes asking directly doesn’t work, even though it feels like the “right” way. Perhaps if you’re doing an activity, even as simple as walking, can make it easier to open up.
There are lots of reasons her feelings might change rapidly, especially when it comes to grief. This week may be harder than next week.
My advice would be to remember that she’s hurting, even if she doesn’t say that. Leaving her on read will hurt more, pushing the conversation even further away. Staying respectful, and responsive, is a nice strategy to keep the door open.
Clearly it’s not about you.