Hey! I’m a woman-28yo. This is our first birthday since my boyfriend and I are together (7m). He doesn’t enjoy birthday parties and say he doesn’t want to do anything special. I’m taking him for dinner, but I’d like to do something for him that is not overwhelming but still special and that he can feel how important he is for me. Any ideas, please
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You already are by taking him to dinner. If he’s not the sort to fuss over birthdays, then this will be plenty for him already. Don’t stress it!
Have dinner then go home and bum out.
>Any ideas, please
Listen to him?
Dinner is more than enough for someone who doesn’t want anything.
Tickets to a game or concert or show he might like?
Do what he tells you. Next year if you’re still together you’ll know him pretty well and can make a better decision if anything is necessary.
Sex stuff. No joke.
Put his penis in your mouth.
Firstly, don’t throw a party. Whatever you do. Some people will assure you, “oh, make it a surprise, he’ll love it!” Odds are he will not.
I also understand your desire to make him feel special. So unlink that from his birthday. Find some activity, or trip, or something like that that is something he is interested in, or has always wanted to do. Plan a trip/outing for the two of you. Don’t even MENTION birthday to him. Just find the thing, and suggest you do it.
Also, I know this feels silly, but also… just say it. And not only on special occasions. Just a happy comment out of nowhere about how you love him, or that you really appreciate him, a sincere compliment. I don’t know him, of course, but for a lot of guys that would make their day. The reality is that even while in relationships, guys often just don’t get the kind of compliments that women do. People kind of assume they don’t want or need them, but… that’s not the case in my experience.
As a guy who doesn’t like attention or celebration on his birthday, absolutely don’t invite anyone else. However, I do appreciate a thoughtful gift or card.
I don’t like to celebrate either because the thought of it takes me back to a time when my step mom would literally tell me that “it’s just a birthday, you’re not special, get over it”. Every year she’d just find extra chores for me to do to rub it in, so I’d often just leave and wander around town by myself.
Not to trauma dump, but maybe there’s some similar reason to why he doesn’t want to celebrate. Just listen to what he wants.
As a man that has only bad memories from my childhood of birthdays, I’ve had a lot of partners try to make me happy to celebrate it. The reason I’ve started to do so is because they let me choose not to when I want that. A particularly fond one is when I bought myself Skyrim when it was still full price, and took the day off to play it. After that, and feeling like choosing nothing was okay, I started choosing more fun and adventurous things; but I needed it to be safe and my decision first.
Listen to him, say happy birthday, maybe take him out for dinner or make him /get him his favorite place.
Buy him flowers
I’m the same. I’m Turing 40 and I don’t want anything big at all. Some guys really truly want nothing. If he says nothing, don’t plan anything major. Since you’re relationship is still pretty new (this works for all men) buy dinner and go back to his place for a movie and surprise him by wearing some new lingerie.
1) Don’t ignore him.
2) Sex
Just do whatever he wants to do and if its nothing but sit around with you and hold your hand and watch movies on tv then that might be his perfect bday.
Perhaps just accept he likes what he likes and don’t project your own desires and perceptions of what a birthday should be onto him.
I see this all the time. Men can sometimes be quite simple creatures to please and many of just just don’t give a fuck about birthdays. I don’t care about mine in any way and something look at some of the women in mine and their obsession with their birthday week or month as somewhat juvenile. But each to their own.
If this lad you’ve been seeing tells you explicitly what he does and does not want and you ask randoms on the Internet what you should do regardless of his wishes don’t be surprised when he feels put out by that.
Just listen to what he’s told you. He’s not lying when he says what he says. Dinner and sex sounds lovely.
I’d do as he’s asking, don’t make a big deal out of his birthday. Maybe buy him a bottle of his favorite liquor if he drinks.
I’m guessing he’s had bad experiences with birthdays in his past which is why he doesn’t like celebrating, so making a big deal with this one could have negative effects or even push him away. But talk to him about it in the future, just a conversation on if he has positive memories or what he would do if he could celebrate the way he wanted.
To be honest, I think taking him out for sinner is already to much, imo. I don’t like celebrating my birthday too, and I wouldn’t like to go out for dinner. However that might be different for your bf.
But whatever you do, do not plan any parties or whatsover, listen to him!
Having to feel certain way on a fixed schedule is often the issue. If it’s a number of nice things spread through the week it’s kinda nicer.