Hey, need some sensible advice on how to deal with this situation.
I am F22, my bf (M25) and I started dating 3 months ago (talking for 6 months in total). We’re also long distance and only see each other every month or so, but we chat everyday.
A few weeks ago, he said that one of his friends had booked a villa in Bali for 5 days and a bunch of his mates (all guys) were invited and he was tossing up whether to go or not. Since it was his bday recently, I said he should definitely go! I had no doubts/worries at all about this boys trip.
On day 2 of his trip, he reposted one of his friend’s stories. Obviously, out of curiosity I checked out this guys profile but he was private. Under his suggested friends was a public profile of this girl, which I randomly clicked on and viewed her story. GUESS who was in the first story of hers. My BF. It was a pic of the group of guys and him collecting their scooters. Obviously I’m a bit sussed out, so I keep tabs on this insta acc that night. Later that night, she posts a video of her and her friend drinking and dancing with HIM ONLY at a club (none of his friends are on the floor) and my bf and her friend are holding hands spinning each other around.
I find out that these two girls were invited by the guy who booked the villa (these are two random international girls who are new to Australia. They’re not long term best friends with this group of boys, just randoms).
I also see the next story which is him holding a cigarette in his hand – bear in mind, he apparently quit smoking/vaping and only chews nicotine gum around me so this was shocking – especially since he knows this is a dealbreaker of mine (hence he “quit” but clearly not).
Day 3, I see that they went on a scuba dive (his 5 guy friends, and these two girls) and on the boat he’s sitting next to the one girl and across from the other, with the one girl’s feet over his??? She also posted a story which was just of a pic of him standing by the snorkel equipment.
What should I make of all of this? Bear in mind, he kept saying it’s a boys trip, he has not once mentioned over text or over the phone to me that his friend brought 2 friends who are girls over to Bali for the trip as well. ALSO, he seems to be the main one in the group who’s getting close with those two girls? Isn’t this odd? I mean I wouldn’t expect him to be a d**k head to them, but there’s no need to be best friends with them either? Especially since he only met them 3 days ago?
Help 🥲
tl;dr: my bf told me he’s on a boys trip, but there’s two girls there as well who he has seemingly gotten close to having only known them for 3 days. Should I be concerned?
14 comments
Confront him about it
You’re right to be concerned. I have no idea why on earth he wouldn’t tell you about these girls coming, especially since you were so supportive about him going on the trip in the first place. A lot of women would try to stop their boyfriend from going away, but you encouraged him to have a great time. It’s very suspicious that he keeps going on about it being a “boys trip” despite likely knowing these girls were invited before they left for the trip. Even if he didn’t know, it would’ve been such a basic way of showing respect and making sure you’re at ease while he’s away to say “hey, just a heads up, my friends invited a couple of girl friends along and I didn’t realise they’d be coming.” And yeah, sorry… the Instagram stuff would send me through the roof. I really hope those girls don’t know he has a girlfriend, is it obvious from his socials that you’re together? Because it’s very strange to interact with someone’s boyfriend like that, and yes, your boyfriend shouldn’t be doing that either. I think he wanted to act like he was single while he’s on holiday, sorry to say it. I wouldn’t be able to trust him again.
You guts are right girl.
He clearly crossing the line, why he didn’t ask you to come also with him? Two other females are coming too? Single females and friends who go to Bali and he goes with them? Clearly cheating behavior, he want his fun and will use this trip to fuck around.
Maybe he already did at the partys and clubs with these girls.
He’s a liar who cheating on you, within the first 3 months at that.
Idk what else there is to say aside from “get a new bf”.
Leave. Don’t confront. A lot of women make the mistake of confronting, which only serves as an opportunity for the man to lie, gaslight, deflect, manipulate, sow doubt and generally talk himself out of it.
Instead, block him on everything and disappear from his life. Preserve your energy and your peace.
He lied to you. You have every right to be annoyed. I would confront him when he gets home and be very clear about what you are and are not OK with.
Cut him loose and don’t waste any more time on him.
Tricky situation. You want to know if he cheating but know if you say anything all evidence will stop being produced everyday. Can also come off as clingy if you mention your watching some random Aussie insta every day. Would ask him if he met any girls in a general way see what he says.
Ask why did you lie. When he tries to deflect upload all the pictures and ask which one he’s dating. And why did you lie? Tell him he has one chance at honesty. This is it. He has 1 minute to answer before you go no contact and blow up his spot back home.
See what he says. He’s gonna gaslight you and tell you they are nothing. That’s when you bring up the smoking and other things.
You only see each other every month or so. He didn’t invite you on this trip. He lied to you. None of this is very good I’m afraid.
He may not have known these girls were joining them, but if he did, he purposely left out that information. I’d be furious and feel betrayed. He’s clearly not thinking about you while he’s out there with them. This behavior is not ok and is a red flag. You are in a newish relationship, but lying about a trip is not a good start. You need to set some boundaries with him if you plan on continuing this relationship with him. Definitely discuss these concerns with him. Or just end it if this is a deal breaker. You need to put yourself first and he needs to understand his actions have consequences.
This is breakup worthy. He is a liar.
Confront hin, it is a bit sus
I mean, what excuse could he give you that’d be acceptable for this? He obviously lied about it being a boys trip, he’s smoking cigarettes when he’s telling you he’s quit, and if he and this girl are looking so cozy on social media I can only imagine what you aren’t seeing. I’m not really sure what you’re confused about.
Sounds like your boyfriend’s a cheater to me. You could confront him but he’ll probably just lie about it anyway. And none of his friends are gonna tell if he’s doing anything shady so, I’d just cut my losses now especially since it’s only been 3 months.