I’m so lost and don’t know where to turn

This might be long, and I’m sorry, but I am so lost. Hi. I’m (M,34) and was dating a woman (F,30). I’m so lost right now. We met at work last February and actually starting dating about 6 weeks later. WE had instant chemistry and just really got along. Of course, being at work (we’re nurses), that was always gonna be tough. We never told anyone though. But I’m sure people could figure it out after several months of being together and the way we were together. Caveat, she has a 4 year old adopted daughter from her previous relationship that she’d been out of for over a year before we met. Things had been great up until August, when she found out that her dad’s cancer came back. She went to see him in late August and then when she came back, she ended things. She said she didn’t have the emotional capacity to have a relationship. But I would think you would want someone to be there for you through such a thing. However, we still talked like everything was normal. We had sex, we did relationship things. But then after about 6 weeks, she finally had said she couldn’t do it because she felt guilty and like she was jerking me around. But again, we still talked. Also, we had a miscarriage. That was rough. We never really talked about it much though. But apparently someone at work had picked up that we were together. And she had told them that she had had a miscarriage with her husband. Now, people had always thought she was married because she had a child but she never came out that we were together and she wasn’t married. So apparently she told someone that she miscarried with her husband. And I found out about it. And that was rough, so, against my better judgment, I confronted about telling someone she miscarried with her non existent husband. And then things went downhill from there. We went through a period of actually not talking for a week but then, of course, we worked together and interacted again and we just couldn’t stay away from each other. A day later, she came over to talk and we hooked up. I just feel like I’m on a roller coaster. I was starting to accept that we were done, and then I see her, and my heart sinks and also becomes warm again. Her smile, and touch, and smell. All of it. It’s like a drug. So she agreed to really talk about things since we’d had time not talking to think. So we talked for about 2 hours and then of course, we couldn’t keep off of each other. Now today, we worked together and it was like I didn’t exist. Now, we talked about both leaving the unit and trying to get out, whether it’s to help us move on or be together. But we’re stuck now. I just feel like I can’t keep my head straight. One moment, we aren’t talking. The next, hooking up again and loving every second of being together again. My head and heart can’t keep up. I’m probably just venting right now but I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to hold out hope that things work out and part of me wants to cut it off. Granted, I know I am a more sensitive dude, I’m a nurse. So I always want to help and be there for her. And she can put up a wall to keep people out at times. When we are together, time stands still and we just gravitate to each other. But it’s like she feels guilt for not being able to see me as much due to family so broke it off. I know I’m at fault for part of it and I know she wants to do the right thing. But we just keep going back and forth and it’s not good. People at work have commented how defeated i look lately and I know it’s getting to me. I just don’t know where to go from here or what I’m supposed to do. I apologize this was so long. I started therapy. But I’m just lost and looking for any outside perspective possible. Thank you everyone. If anyone even replies. 🙏