my girlfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and we have a 4 month old son together. i work to pay the bills and am a full time college student. she’s a stay at home mom which i’m very thankful for. my girlfriend and i had very rough childhoods, parents all either dead or in prison or just got out and we were never really raised by them and if we did see them it was for short periods of time that we’re traumatizing for us both. anyways, my girlfriend is very insecure when it comes to our relationship. we have never cheated on each other. before we started dating we were at a get together with a few other friends and me and her were having sex and i made out with her friend while we were having sex. that’s the only thing i can think of that may trigger her insecurities but we weren’t even dating, that was actually like one of the first times i hung out with her. the other day she found a water bottle in my car that neither of us knew who it belonged to and she started a whole fight saying i was cheating. left with the baby and walked around the block and said she was gonna stay with her aunt. i then called her aunt and she started saying she didn’t wanna go stay there and that she wanted to work things out, basically switching up. today another girl liked my instagram story and she’s saying i disrespected her and is basically just starting a fight over getting insecure. i feel like i lost hope and even love because it feels like shit not being able to be trusted. i don’t wanna break up because we live together and have our son together and i want to be there to witness my sons first christmas. what do i do?
tl;dr my girlfriend and i fight often because she thinks i’m cheating or feeding into other girls’ hullshit when im literally just living life
10 comments
You’re going to have to talk to her like a grown up. Maybe start when she’s not accusing you of cheating because that’s not the best time. Just say, hey I want to work on us and I’m committed to you. I don’t want to have blow out fights whenever another girl does something I can’t control. If you’re insecure about something in our relationship, tell me. And we’ll talk it through like a couple.
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4m postpartum is still pretty fresh. Honestly, that was the more difficult time hormonally for me with both of my babies. I’m not excusing her behavior, but I’m saying she’s probably seeking love, support, and reassurance but doesn’t know how to ask for that in a healthy way.
Tons of stressful things are happening all at once too. You for sure are abandoning ship too soon in my opinion. If you love her or care for her in any way, then you should have an honest conversation with her. Say how you feel when she accuses you of cheating. Reassure her of your relationship. Offer support in therapy if you both can afford it. My biggest regret is not starting therapy when I was pregnant with my first.
You can run away and let this be sloppy, and have to deal with struggling to coparent for the next 18 years. Or, you can see if you can both grow together and become better people for the sake of your child. If you can’t have honest and tough conversations then it won’t work out.
Yikes. It’s like an entire parade of red flags.
You break up with her. It’s as simple as that. She can live with her aunt and get a job like most every other grown adult in the world.
Don’t, grow up, be a man, and resolve this very mendable issues for the sake of the child. Y’all are a family.. not no lil bf and gf in school. Y’all had the baby, so accept and deal with it. Grow up.
You two are kids. Wait on it, have some communication with her.
Other than that, the real question is, how is a 19 year old college student working part time providing for 3 people in this economy? What do you do?
You dont. May it be planned or not,you have a son together. You have to accept the fact that leaving the relationship this early sounds more like an excuse to just ditch her,have your freedom and keep the baby which when you think about, sounds like a sound reason for an 18 year old stay at home mom to get insecure about or overthink. If you leave her, you will put her in a situation where she has to work and take care of the baby( bec baby 4mos only), which is an AH move because you aint supporting nobody with a part time job while attending college. This also puts you in a position where you may need to give up college to get a full time job for child support.
She pushed a baby out of her at a very young age in this very uncertain economy and needs a lot of affection, assurance, love and trust. You don’t fight her fire with your fire. Some insecurities may sound irrational for you but for her who experienced a drastic change in her biology, it may not. If you really are ready to be a father, grit your teeth and work with her on this.
If you really care about the child, constantly communicate and work with her. You guys just haven’t found your groove and haven’t matured yet . If all else fails and you feel like you’ve exhausted everything, take your kid into consideration for your next steps.
hey man, ik it feels super sh*tty to not be trusted but please don’t do your son dirty by leaving her. yall are all he got and even if you do break up with her, she’s still gonna be in your life coparenting/child support. also, postpartum is a very real thing for both parents. how are YOU doing with this massive change in your life? do you have any outlets for stress relief between working/school/being a father? do yall both have a support system like good friends who can help around the house/with the baby so yall can spend some time just as a couple? 4mo postpartum, her hormones are going wild still. is she getting postnatal care? antidepressants and individual therapy can work wonders.
If you’re only not breaking up with her for the child, then do her a favor and just end it. Staying together for the kid is shit, and the kid will always feel that disdain. I knew my parents hated each other before they finally called it quits and I was miserable.
Idk, this whole thing sounds messy on both of your ends. If she was acting like this consistently before having a baby, I see your point. If this is something new, keep in mind she just had a baby; hormones can take up to 5 years to regulate again. Maybe suggest therapy, see if she takes it. You both need to do some serious work on yourself either way
For your Instagram i would say make 2 accounts
One for social presence and one for close friends
This will probably help with the insta trouble