I (21f) have been seeing this guy (21m) since mid-October and have gone on 10+ dates. We get along well; he’s been really sweet (planning dates, asking questions about me, etc.) and has shown green flags. 2 things bother me but I just decided to see how things go which is his texting habits. He doesn’t respond sometimes for anywhere from 2 hours -10 hours. I know some people aren’t big texters so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and also am trying to work my anxious attachment style. The second thing is he was kind of wishy-washy when I asked what we were and what’s he looking for a couple of weeks back but said a relationship eventually but still unclear. Otherwise things have been good.
Yesterday, I was catching up with a friend and I told her about him and she told me he was one of her best friend’s ex and they broke up this past September after dating for 6 months but they apparently both moved on fast. Her friend’s side was that he was a terrible communicator, was a bit toxic, had FOMO when he was with her instead of his friends, and etc. They were also long distance for the summer and she said that he was just not a good bf in general but is a good person. We would also end up being long distance because he is graduating in a couple weeks and I graduate next May and he’ll be 3 hours away.
I’m just shocked b/c the things my friend told me just doesn’t seem like him at all and he’s been so sweet and things have been great besides those 2 things. I really don’t know whether to continue this or not because their relationship was pretty recent and I am an anxious person in dating. I really like this guy but knowing it was so recent makes me think people don’t change that quick. Ending things would also be so abrupt since technically nothing is wrong and this is all 2nd ear information.Any advice would be much appreciated.
TLDR: Seeing this guy, my friend told me yesterday that he’s her best friend’s ex according to her and they broke up recently in September. I only know her side though. What should I do?!<
3 comments
People don’t behave the same way to everyone. Good that you have input from your friend, but remember they are biased.
You are the best judge of your situation and your experience. If you think he is doing good around you and you are ok with continuing, great. Keep the inputs your friend provided I mind and see if you see any clues or that behavior.
Other than that, don’t let someone else spoil what you have. You do you
Perhaps he has learned a lesson from his previous relationship and is trying harder to be the guy that his ex wanted except for you. It’s something that I try to do for any future girls that walk into my life.
I should also note that even though I hold no ill will towards my exes, I’m sure that if they were in a similar situation as you they would jump on the opportunity to bad mouth me to their friends and spell out how horrible I was in our relationship. It’s just something most people do.
The best thing you can do if you like this guy is *communicate* with him and tell him what is going on. Give him the opportunity to open up and tell you his side of the story because I guarantee you that your friends best friend is leaving out key parts of the story. If he does open up it means he sees a future with you, if he locks down then you know he’s still stuck on the past and continuing in his ways of being a poor communicator.
If you like him, date him.
People don’t act or feel the same way with all of their partners nor those partners share the same preferences, views and boundaries. Like, for instance – you said he occasionally may not answer in hours hence isn’t the best texter tho it seems like this isn’t a huge deal for you..on the flip side, maybe this was the thing due which his ex concluded that he’s terrible at communication…and maybe he wasn’t as much into his ex or neither of them were, especially as they also moved on so fast.🤷♀️