How do I (16F) keep my brother(8M) safe from my parents nasty divorce.

13 comments

1. Have you tried talking to them about your concerns with how their screaming matches could affect their son?

2. I was 9 and went through the same thing, I didn’t end up robbing a grocery store. He’s smarter than he looks guarantee it. Just have a talk with him and remind him that while mom and dad don’t love each other anymore, it doesn’t mean that he’s loved any less.

   And then have a talk with your parents and remind them that the 8 yr old can hear, and if they can tone it down when he’s at home. It’s worth a shot.

3. I’m really sorry you and your little brother are going through this. Parents who are divorcing without any regard for their kids, I find them awful.

   I would almost suggest looking into the possibility of staying with friends or family, away from your parents, but that may be difficult as you’re still underage.

   Your brother at least would need to be distracted from hearing your parents practically kill one another. Having a tablet with headphones might be of use, or some other device he spend time on. Preferably in his own bedroom, or with you, as you might be the safest place for him to be around right now.

4. Just be by your bros side be there for him and make him know that no matter what you’ll always be there for him regardless of what your parents do. I would also talk to your parents and tell them how you feel.

5. I think it is amazing you want to protect him.

   I tried to do the same for my little brother.

   It just fucked me up in the long run.

   Made me Hate and resent my parents.

6. I am sorry about all this. I know you say you are ok, but you’re also a victim of this and this is also psychologically affecting you too and it has now made you grow up a lot sooner than you needed to and for that I am truly sorry.

   I know you said other family is not near, but can you still call on grandparents or uncles or aunts to let them know what is going on so they can give your parents the proper kick in the ass they need. If possible and if it is safe try recording one of their fights. Just in case your parents try and deny things and make it seem as if you are making this into a bigger deal. This is a huge deal and all the feelings you are having are valid.

   The thing that needs to happen is your parents need damn therapy to learn how to stop being A-holes to each other and to you and your brother.

   if you can both find a safe place like a friends house that would be great, but you really do need to let another adult ,whom you trust and you know has your best interest at heart ,know what is going on. Even if that’s a teacher or school counselor.

   Again, I am sorry and so angry that you are having to take on adult responsibilities when you should only be worried about what you will be doing for summer break. good luck and if possible keep us updated.

7. Tell your parents (individually): “I’m scared for what your yelling in front of my little brother is doing to him and I don’t like it either”

   You can also try taking him to another room when this happens and do an activity with him, coloring, listen to music, etc. I think having some positivity during this will be helpful for him.

   Other than that, do you have resources at school that you trust to confide in? Talk to them.

8. I personally always use the distraction method. My parents don’t typically “fight,” but my mother can be a very aggressive communicator and I know it can scare my younger siblings. If that ever happens I’ll usually take them into my bedroom or the basement, put on music so they can’t hear anything, and try to distract them by playing funny YouTube videos. The BEST idea is to get one of those white noise sound machines (super cheap) and turn it on all the way. You can’t hear a THING when those are on

9. Oh dear. You should not be responsible for this but I commend your efforts and am really impressed with your maturity and empathy.

   I’m not terribly optimistic that your parents will listen to reason, but is there another adult in the family (or a family friend?) who might be able to get through to them? Sadly, a “Hey, knock it off” from a peer may mean more than the pleas of their child(ren).

   If that will only add fuel to the fire, I think the best thing you can do is remind your brother that this is not his fault, he is not responsible for the fighting, and you are here for him. (And hopefully you have someone reminding you of the same thing!) Be honest with him that you’re also just a kid and you’re doing your best, too, and won’t have all the answers and can’t guarantee you will be able to stop your parents, but you love him.

10. When my ex and I where separating, it turned kind of nasty. he was being really petty and cruel and I was an emotional wreck along for the ride. I remember once we where squabbling over a tool box of all things and I looked up for a second and there was my oldest, 4YO at the time looking at us with his huge blue eyes. he was so alarmed and scared, really upset. to me it was the equivalent of a slap to the face.

    “what the hell are you doing”

    I just through the tool down and walked away from him and went into my room, I was standing at the foot of my bed breathing hard and my boy climbed up on the bed and hugged me.

    You need for your parents to have that “what the hell am I doing” moment. talk to them separately or together about their behaviour and the impact it has on you both.

    When they get into it (and emotions are running very high so they will probably forget) you can hug your brother to you and just scream “stop it! We are right here, what the hell is wrong with both of you!”

    Hopefully you won’t have to do it much more then the talk, but don’t be afraid to speak up. you and your brother have no business being centre stage to their drama.

    Good luck

11. Op I’ve been you and I have regrets on how I handled it. I tried to be a third parent since no one was making sure he went to bed on time and he was falling asleep in class etc. this just put pressure on him that he didn’t need, and looking back with 32 years of life lessons I would have shielded him more through sheer distraction with fun activities. For example, Parent gone? and he’s freaking out with worry at 11 pm that something happened to her, bust out the biggest blanket fort that tv room has ever seen. I tried to be consistent but he needed a random fun moment, like An ice cream run, to distract him. You’re already doing better than I did, so please hold onto that.

12. I have to say that you are a very caring sibling. It is unfortunate that both of you are caught in this horrible situation. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. I hope that giving them an earful about their selfish, immature behavior will change things. Other than that, just keep on doing things that support your brother . He needs someone to be supportive. Take care of yourself.

13. I’m gonna preface this by saying my younger sister and I (we are a year and a half apart) went through this for our entire childhood and adolescent lives.

    Your folks will never listen to reason. Right now, they are not focused on their children’s mental well-being. You’ll get the classic “everyone’s parents fight, it’s nbd” which is complete bullshit. When the mother’s fists start flying and the father is emotionally checked out, the best thing you can do for your brother is to get him out of earshot and spend time with him. Show him how to be a good man (with videos or examples you’ve seen irl). Your folks are 100% going to go at it in front of him again, and you need to make sure he’s ok. Having parents that fight a lot when you’re 16 is infinitely better than having that when you’re 8. You’ve got a lot you can teach him.