Tldr: we are 24, been together 3 years
Last time we had sex I cried after as it was so bad. He didn’t do anything for me, after foreplay we had sex for a few minutes and then he was done.
I know I’m really good in bed. I pull out all the stops, I make sure my partner has a great time. I just wish I could get that energy from him.
I tried to confront him yesterday, saying that when he doesn’t do anything to me it makes me self conscious that he doesn’t want to touch me. He said I was projecting my body insecurities onto him as I’ve recently gained some weight which I’ve been openly upset about.
I’ve started using metaphors like “McDonalds drive through” and “sit down fancy restaurant” and when he initiates I’ll say “do you want drive through sex or fancy sit down restaurant sex?” To try and improve our communication.
The latter is having music on, nice lighting, a 40 min session with a ton of foreplay as actual sex doesn’t do much for me. McDonalds drive through sex is fine, a quickie can be fun, but it’s now basically the only sex we have. I can’t remember the last time I had decent foreplay done to me.
This is an ongoing issue and it’s making me so sad. I’m starting to feel like the only way I’ll ever have good sex again in my life is if I cheat or leave him. I’ve never cheated and could never go through with it but I’m starting to have a wandering eye which I’ve never had before.
In the past we’ve had amazing sex – I wouldn’t be with him if he was like this at the beginning. There’s always an excuse, he’s tired, he’s sick, he’s too horny to bother with long foreplay, I take too long etc etc.
All I get is excuses, I don’t see any real desire from him to make me enjoy sex. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to be someone that withholds and weaponises sex in a relationship. But honestly, I’d much rather not have sex at all than have rubbish sex that makes me feel used and sad after.